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He doesn't get it

Sep 27, 2016 5:32 PM

I was crying last night (something I rarely do these days) thinking about how everything in my life I have ever loved has been ripped away from me through out my life (long stories including my kids, homelessness, abandonment, I get the idea) and now my quality of life is gone because of my chronic pain and fatigue. All I have left is my best friend and husband of 16 years. And the thought of losing him too is killing me. I have nothing else to lose but him so it's logical to think he's next.
My husband (Shawn is his name lol should have mentioned that earlier) says he's not going anywhere. That if he hasn't left me by now he never will. He thinks I'm being fatalistic and dwelling on things that will never happen.
He says he understands my greif over losing my health but I should accept it and let it go, like has had to over the years. But his way of dealing with loss has deadened a part of him and I can't live like that.
I know I need to figure out a way to get through all of this, and crying helps even though I hate it. I have lost a lot and moved on but this is a loss I will be reminded of every day.
I just want to know how you deal with getting a diagnosis of a chronic disease? How long has it taken before you could get over it so to speak? Can anyone relate?

Sep 27, 2016 6:17 PM

One thing that comes hand in hand with a chronic illness is depression. It does help if you can get to a therapist who can help you sort through all the many emotions you must be dealing with.

Being diagnosed with a chronic disease often you will go through the same stages as one would go through when dealing with the death of a loved one.

(((( gentle hugs )))) Am so sorry you are dealing with so much.

Sep 27, 2016 6:28 PM

Getting over it comes and goes. There are good days and bad ones. Your attitude determines, to a large degree, how many of each you have. My mom always says, "Don't borrow trouble." In other words, worrying about the future doesn't stop anything from happening. Might as well be happy in this moment.

Sep 27, 2016 7:26 PM

I just joined this group...very helpful...and just started researching fibro and I have had it for at least 20 years. I dealt with depression for a long time. I guess I just finally accepted my illness. And in the last 6 months, since accepting this sh#ty diagnosis, I have taken control and I am feeling better. Hope this mood continues for a while!!😃

Sep 27, 2016 7:47 PM

My fiance and I go through similar issues. I cry thinking he will leave me and he assures me he won't. I do often feel that I am hoping him back. I'm in the same state of the process as you right now but I'm looking toward a brighter future for us both.

Sep 27, 2016 10:58 PM

Ctsego, crying is part of the grief process & we have to make our way thru them all. I think counseling is a good idea to work through all of it. I went for six years. I still cry today because disease is an ongoing burden that changes as we age. Sending you hug❤️

Sep 27, 2016 11:37 PM

I completely understand I always tell him why are you with me you deserve better. His response is simple hush up I love you that's why. It's hard to deal with chronic pain I get depressed I still have trouble talking with him anyone else have trouble talking with loved ones

Sep 28, 2016 1:09 PM

Ctsego, I am so very sorry that you're having grave difficulty in getting your emotions straightened out. Their is a grieving process involved in getting on the road to being happier. My psychiatrist told me that you have to go through all of the stages (anger, denial, sadness, crying and acceptance). It's a journey and it's duration is different for everyone. The symptoms are all very familiar to us all. Sending you gentle {{{Hugs}}}, 💕😊🙌🏼

Sep 28, 2016 5:08 PM

Thank you everyone for all your support. I get so frustrated and lonely sometimes. I am grateful for every pain free day I have and for my wonderful husband and family and for people like all of you.

Sep 28, 2016 6:11 PM

My husband John also tells me he loves me and he is staying! I think I love him more because of it! A lot of guys do leave! Sending hugs to everyone!

Sep 28, 2016 6:46 PM

My husband is finally starting to want to learn more. He's progressing which helps me too.
Hugs to all of you!

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