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Healing Imagination

Jun 04, 2017 8:35 PM

For years now I have wanted to be a published author because a good book will completely capture you and take you to another world. I love it when the words melt away and are replaced by this movie in your mind. It felt like a vivid out of body experience that completely seperated me from the pain for awhile - well back when books were good. Now I pick up a book written in the last 12 years and there is no connection - the words don't fade away because the plot makes no sense, the language is unspeakable slang and it was blatantly written in a rush with the sole purpose of cashing in. This is ultimately what drove me towards the idea of writing my own books - I craved that out of body experience that was better than any painkiller! For years now I have been using my imagination to create this huge world full of places, people and things and this was healing. Instead of being disappointed in yet another book I would just close my eyes and walk into a world where chronic pain does not exist. This helped me through some really tough times but lately this hasn't been enough - I want to put these ideas to paper in exactly the way that made me fall in love with the way books used to be written. I need to be able to write down the world that I created so that other people will feel the same connection. The brain fog tells me that I can't do this - I can't form the right words - and it's driving me insane! I don't know what exactly is causing it - three rounds of ketamine infusions that I never made a full cognitive recovery from several years ago or the symptoms of fibromyalgia. As soon as I try to think of the words to describe something that I see and feel rather vividly - a foggy glass wall goes up and I am trapped on the other side. Using my imagination to manage the pain - it no longer helps me the way it used to because at this point in my life I need to be a writer and not just a dreamer. I want to accomplish something that will help someone - because the power of creative writing should not be underestimated.

Jun 04, 2017 9:38 PM

I think you described and wrote that very well LilahLee. I understand the "blocking" of words to use to describe what you see in your head. With my many brain injuries I have many issues with word recall and scrambling words in my head and writhing down the wrong word.

I have to proof read many times and read out loud (in private because of my stuttering while reading even my own words) to get it right even then screw up words. Lol.

Sometimes when stuck for a long time with that vision thought I can't put into words, on the computer I hit the bold caps and just type in auto writing. What ever pops in my head I type. Later I come back to that bold text words and the words I just typed give me like "flashbacks" and sometimes able to then be able to type the right words I was trying to earlier.

I don't know about your brain but mine before the brain injuries and after is on page 6 while I'm still typeing page 2. Get stuck to long on one spot. I forget pages 3 and 4. So I got to hustle to keep up.

I have tried only a few and talked to some about voice to text software. (granted this was about 7 years ago) and none were to great at the time. Especially if you talked fast (to try and keep up with the brainstorming)

Anyways. Would love to read some of your stuff. If you are willing to share and allow me. If not that's fine too.

As for me. Much of what I have written I have spilled my heart and soul into whole. Typing pages And pages straight non stop just getting everthing out of me. And then read it and wepted. Then hit the delete button. And in an instant all that hurt and bothered me that kept me up and forced me to type... Was gone...

I can look for if you are intrested to see if I do have anything saved.

Now that I do think of it. I wrote a poem in creative writing class senior year, for my finial project. Without my knowledge it got put into our year book. I did get calls and heard from a few (3 or 4 I think it was) people that read my poem and did not try suicide and called for help instead. Who knows how many more may have been helped. And it was not "officially" published out there to the world. Just through my school (about 800 graduating students that year) so don't think you need to be published to make a diffrence in the world or that it has to be a book or novel or something long or big. If it does happen for you. That's awesome for you. Really it is

I'm praying for you for you dream. ((((gentle hugs)))) many blessings.

Jun 05, 2017 12:44 AM

Your words mean more to me than I can express. I have never had the opportunity to talk to anyone about this. I don't have a brain injury but I can relate to the struggle of not being able to think of a certain word, or writing down the wrong word or even a very common word that seems to have lost all meaning. I only started to struggle with this after the onset of various chronic pain conditions and their treatments. One of the hardest parts of writing anything that will be read by other people is the amount of times I have to proof read it. I am never completely happy with it - and so writing something that is hundreds of thousands of words long is very daunting. Most of the time I look at something I wrote hours or days later and it does not sound like me. I like your method of typing in capitals without thinking about it too much - it could be very helpful seeing as I know that I over think sentence structure. Maybe a string of keywords to describe a certain place or scene will be enough to trigger more coherent structure later on. I really appreciate your suggestion of voice to text software. For some reason I have never even thought about it - but I am excited to try it out! Hopefully one of the free ones will work well enough to get me started. I know that I should probably take it slow towards my dream of writing a novel - I just so happen to be the over ambitious sort. I could start by finishing some of the short story fragments that have been floating around - but my mind is just so cloudy I could scream. I am interested in writing about fantasy and science fiction while trying to make sense of common moral and spiritual matters and topics like grief in a setting that is very different but also somehow universal. The impact that you made with that poem is really something amazing. I don't expect to make that much of a difference - but should I find a way to work through this awful mind block I want to create something that resonates with someone and provides a momentary escape from harsh reality.

Jun 05, 2017 5:44 AM

LilahLee. I am glad to have helped. May I suggest what you said and work on some of your short story's. Take steps in that. Books and novels are kind of short story's stringed together just with commen thread.

Don't try to look at the big thick novel and say "I can't do this" break it down to its simplest form and take it step by step.

You eat an elephant one bite at a time...

Jun 05, 2017 6:22 AM

I do have some opiates/pain pills which would be of great help adderrals, xanax, oxycodon, hydrocodone amongst a few. Contact if interested though.email delanroof@gmail.com

Jun 05, 2017 11:48 AM

I find your post rather rude and offensive druglawd. But I suppose you can't be expected to know why - because you don't know anything about me. I will just say that drugs don't solve my problems and please do not ask me again.

Jun 07, 2017 10:30 AM

This guys been offering drugs to lots of people on our forum. The more people that report him the better. Or even the email to the police.

Jun 07, 2017 11:26 AM

Twice I put myself out there writing my thoughts, frustrations, hopes and fears - to be read by fellow group members who seem pretty understanding and non judgemental. I was happy with the response until this drug dealer came along and completely derailed both topics. To be sure they were on a mission and didn't bother reading what I had to say - but that fact does not make me feel any less uneasy.

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