For years now I have wanted to be a published author because a good book will completely capture you and take you to another world. I love it when the words melt away and are replaced by this movie in your mind. It felt like a vivid out of body experience that completely seperated me from the pain for awhile - well back when books were good. Now I pick up a book written in the last 12 years and there is no connection - the words don't fade away because the plot makes no sense, the language is unspeakable slang and it was blatantly written in a rush with the sole purpose of cashing in. This is ultimately what drove me towards the idea of writing my own books - I craved that out of body experience that was better than any painkiller! For years now I have been using my imagination to create this huge world full of places, people and things and this was healing. Instead of being disappointed in yet another book I would just close my eyes and walk into a world where chronic pain does not exist. This helped me through some really tough times but lately this hasn't been enough - I want to put these ideas to paper in exactly the way that made me fall in love with the way books used to be written. I need to be able to write down the world that I created so that other people will feel the same connection. The brain fog tells me that I can't do this - I can't form the right words - and it's driving me insane! I don't know what exactly is causing it - three rounds of ketamine infusions that I never made a full cognitive recovery from several years ago or the symptoms of fibromyalgia. As soon as I try to think of the words to describe something that I see and feel rather vividly - a foggy glass wall goes up and I am trapped on the other side. Using my imagination to manage the pain - it no longer helps me the way it used to because at this point in my life I need to be a writer and not just a dreamer. I want to accomplish something that will help someone - because the power of creative writing should not be underestimated.