Today I lost a woman who I loved & adored. My Grandma who was more like a mum to me passed away at a hospice at 6am. I had spent all night with her from 9pm till 5.30am.
I had to leave as I live an hour & a half away from the hospice & needed to get back for when my two boys (aged 8 and 1 ) woke up and I didn't want to get caught in rush hour traffic.
I know I made a difference in her last hours. She could talk when I 1st arrived. I sat with her, held her hand, brushed her hair, told her about our day at the sea side with the boys.
I was able to get her pain meds when she was in pain, get her medicine to help her settle & relax. I also did the mouth care that the nurses usually did to make sure her mouth was moist. I helped with getting her moved when she was uncomfortable and even help change her adult diper to ensure she was comfortable.
I can't believe that she died 30 minutes after I left. I feel guilty that I wasn't there at the end. She wasn't on her own my mum & uncle & aunt where with her. Maybe she was waiting for me to leave, I don't know.
I take comfort in the fact that I was with her when she needed that help between 9pm and midnight. But do feel guilty that I didn't hang on for another 30 minutes.
She fought cancer like a demon! She had it for 3 years & when she was diagnosed as terminal they told her that she only had 6 months. That didn't go down well with her .. so she fought & stayed alive for 8 months!
Watching her life slowly ebb away was horrible. We put down animals in pain & distress but her in the UK we allow patients like my Grandma to slowly and painfully die. She didn't look like my Grandma at the end. All she was all skin and bone. If I ever am diagnosed with a terminal illness I have vowed that I will kill myself before I get to the point where I can not do it for myself.
To end up like she did .. no it makes me shiver to even think about it!! I know that I am new to this group & I really didn't want to post my 2nd discussion topic & for it to be such an unhappy one ... but I just needed to vent a little. .. so I'm sorry for the subject to be so sad!
Thank you for reading my post & I'd be interested to hear from anyone else who has experienced a similar situation . Thank you everyone xx