Learn from patients with pain similar to yours

CatchMyPain Community and Pain Diary App to manage chronic illness

Heartbroken

Aug 02, 2016 8:31 AM

Today I lost a woman who I loved & adored. My Grandma who was more like a mum to me passed away at a hospice at 6am. I had spent all night with her from 9pm till 5.30am.

I had to leave as I live an hour & a half away from the hospice & needed to get back for when my two boys (aged 8 and 1 ) woke up and I didn't want to get caught in rush hour traffic.

I know I made a difference in her last hours. She could talk when I 1st arrived. I sat with her, held her hand, brushed her hair, told her about our day at the sea side with the boys.

I was able to get her pain meds when she was in pain, get her medicine to help her settle & relax. I also did the mouth care that the nurses usually did to make sure her mouth was moist. I helped with getting her moved when she was uncomfortable and even help change her adult diper to ensure she was comfortable.

I can't believe that she died 30 minutes after I left. I feel guilty that I wasn't there at the end. She wasn't on her own my mum & uncle & aunt where with her. Maybe she was waiting for me to leave, I don't know.

I take comfort in the fact that I was with her when she needed that help between 9pm and midnight. But do feel guilty that I didn't hang on for another 30 minutes.

She fought cancer like a demon! She had it for 3 years & when she was diagnosed as terminal they told her that she only had 6 months. That didn't go down well with her .. so she fought & stayed alive for 8 months!

Watching her life slowly ebb away was horrible. We put down animals in pain & distress but her in the UK we allow patients like my Grandma to slowly and painfully die. She didn't look like my Grandma at the end. All she was all skin and bone. If I ever am diagnosed with a terminal illness I have vowed that I will kill myself before I get to the point where I can not do it for myself.

To end up like she did .. no it makes me shiver to even think about it!! I know that I am new to this group & I really didn't want to post my 2nd discussion topic & for it to be such an unhappy one ... but I just needed to vent a little. .. so I'm sorry for the subject to be so sad!

Thank you for reading my post & I'd be interested to hear from anyone else who has experienced a similar situation . Thank you everyone xx

Aug 02, 2016 8:50 AM

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

Aug 02, 2016 9:04 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss of your grandma, Saz. God bless your heart! Cancer is so cruel! I just recently lost a sister in law of 42 years and it's still so hard to believe she is gone! She was like a sister because she has been part of our family since I was 10! She had pancreatic cancer although she handled what she went through with such peaceful grace, it still tears my heart apart. Just a year ago, I walked a very dear friend through cancer until her last day. I was and still am amazed at how each of these beautiful ladies taught me so much in their journey home to Jesus. Up until they were no longer able to speak, they would ask me how "I" was doing! I would say, "please don't you worry for me when you're going through what you're going through!" They would each humbly reply in their own ways that pain and/or struggles of any sort is just as important as what they were going through! How can that be? They were dying, but yet at peace enough to be concerned for others? I learned so much form them. God bless you, dear one. My heartfelt condolences and prayers are with you.

Aug 02, 2016 9:17 AM

God bless.. Gx

Aug 02, 2016 9:18 AM

πŸ’• hugs n kisses sweetheart πŸ€—
U were there for her in ur own special way 😚 nothing can replace that heartache... just know im sending u 🌹 much love to give u the stregnth to carry on x

Aug 02, 2016 12:34 PM

Saz814, you have nothing to feel guilty about Sweetie.. You did all you could and loved her and made her last hours good ones. She may have held on waiting for you to leave so she could spare you the trauma of being there when she passed. The last few months I've lost 4 people who were close to me. One of them my Godfather, who at 99 years of age asked for me every day. I went over and spent time with him, held his hand and when I saw his wife standing at the foot of the bed, I knew it was a matter of time (I'm a "sensitive" and my Godmother has been deceased for 13 years). The day he died I was there and he could no longer speak, he hadn't eaten in close to 2 weeks and was dehydrated. I woke him and told him I was going home (I love across the street) and I told him that his wife was there and it was ok for him to close his eyes and rest as she was there to take him home to God. I started to cry and he raised a weak and shaky hand and dried my tears and looked at me in acknowledgment that he understood what I said. I went home and got a call shortly thereafter that he was gone. I think he wanted to spare me the trauma of being there to see him take his last breath even though I would have stayed as long as he wanted.
Just know that by being with her, you made her feel safe, comfortable and loved. I'm sending you lots of love, gentle {{{Hugs}}} and prayers to help you through this difficult time.πŸ’•πŸ™πŸ»πŸŒ»

Aug 02, 2016 2:51 PM

You made the best difference...the love one. May she dance in Heaven!

Aug 02, 2016 4:05 PM

Thank you all for the personal stories and best wishes.

I guess that Cancer is a disease which does not discriminate. No matter your age, creed or colour if it decides to invade your life it will.

It has hit me at a couple of points today that she has really gone and won't be back.

However at the age of 83 she has had a good life which was rich in the things in life you want and need. A family who loved her no matter what, a husband who loved and adored her till the end (he died 20 years ago with Cancer) her health until she had to fight this cancer, a home which was where the whole extended family gravitated to in all types of situations whether happy or sad where the door was always open any day of the week.

A truly courageous woman who I miss so much already. Life without her will never be the same again! Xx

Aug 02, 2016 4:51 PM

God bless you. Truly sorry for your loss 😒

Aug 04, 2016 9:25 AM

Oh sweetheart! I've been there too many times losing parents and grandparents. My heart aches with you!! Your time with your Grandma is something that will always be a bittersweet memory. Trust me when I say she likely held on until you left, for your sake. πŸ’•. My stepmom crashed 30 minutes after everyone left, as did my father-in-law, Grandma, & both Gransfathers.

The hardest thing I've ever done was stand by my Mom's bed, telling her to let go, watching as her organs shut down. When I promised her we'd all be ok she looked directly in my eyes & flat lined. My hubby was there, but my brother couldn't come in, nor could my aunt, and my other siblings weren't there. And as hard as I've tried to forget that moments in time, I can't. I can't replace it with other happier memories. It's etched in my mind, in infinite slow motion detail, and I'll never forget. I'm glad no one else was there to witness it! I'm bawling my eyes out just writing to you, and we buried her in 1999.

You have your Grandma support, love, comfort & peace in her last hours. I'm so sorry you have to carry those memories. Try to remember as many good ones as you can. And hopefully they'll be the ones that come to mind the most. Very big hugs of comfort, love & prayers to get you through this time of grief! πŸ˜˜πŸ™‚πŸ™πŸŒΈπŸ’•

Ready to start relieving your pain?

Join Community