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Help with saying no

Aug 17, 2017 1:38 PM

Not sure how else to title this discussion, sorry.

I am to wear splints on both hands/wrists most of the time. Ocassionally I am able to leave them off. I am tired of people asking what happened and how did I hurt my arms. How do I address this question? It really is no one else's business. I wear my braces as a medical necessity, not for attention. My other concern is how do I decline a handshake when I am not wearing my braces? It is very painful for me to shake hands with or without braces on. I can no longer just shake hands to appear polite when it causes extreme pain. I don’t want to be a b*tch either. Please advise. Thank you.

Aug 17, 2017 1:45 PM

Hi, I have the same problem with people asking why im in a wheelchair I usually give a very sarcastic answer or I just say that's none of your business! I'm not sure how you could avoid the handshake, Maybe before they have chance to put there hand out you could say "I would love to shake your hand but I there vey sore as I have a medical condition" I would just be blunt. It's hard the first couple of times you do it but it gets easier. I hate people staring at me and I find it really hard to deal with. If you ever want to chat message me πŸ’•πŸ˜Š

Aug 17, 2017 1:55 PM

I think that people in general are curious by nature and there are a select few that genuinely care when asking what's wrong, it is just hard to determine which ones are those people. I have the same problem with my vision. I was born with a rare form of congenital cataracts and I have very low vision and people ask about that all the time. I just simply say it is a genetic disorder and if they ask for more explanation I simply tell them that it would take too long to explain, the good thing about it is that I do have some vision. That seems to satisfy their curiosity for the most part. I think Lola is right, just say "I would love to shake your hand but I can't because of my muscle condition" hope this helps.

Aug 17, 2017 2:20 PM

I was struggling with the same thing!! I can't pick up heavy stuff and somehow people always ask me to....

I have now learnt to say, "Sorry I can't" and if they ask why I just say "Personal/Medical reasons".

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone....

Aug 18, 2017 11:05 AM

I have painful hands and wrists too. Some days I can barely pick up a glass. Can't even hold hands with my husband any more and he always tried to be so careful but just hurts too much. When someone wants to shake hands I just say " sorry, can't shake, joint problems but it's wonderful to meet you". While "joint problems" isn't accurate it gets my point across and my health problems aren't any of their business any way. If they ask what I mean by joint problems I just repeat it with a smile and change the subject. Worked so far.

Aug 18, 2017 11:12 AM

I agree with LittleLola. Being transparent about your medical condition while keeping some privacy is a good practice for when you don't wear your braces. I encounter a similar circumstance with my job though my pain is isolated to my legs mostly. I find it challenging to have to repeat myself for those who don't understand. Because my pain is not visible people sometimes don't understand.

Aug 19, 2017 7:36 AM

I have a similar problem with people wanting to hug me to say hello or goodbye, most of my family finally understand but some friends of family or extended family still try to hug me so I now stand behind my kids to say hi or bye and say sorry but I'm in too much pain to hug.
I've learnt to say that or I'll be left in terrible which takes forever to settle or sets off a flare!!!

Aug 19, 2017 8:10 AM

Thank you all. Very good suggestions. I won’t just shake hands to avoid judgement from others any more. Not worth the extra pain. πŸ€—

Aug 19, 2017 10:49 AM

I agree with all the above. I personally don't like to hug anyone. Or handshake. I just smile at them and that works for me. Everything works different for everyone . I wish you all the best . πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

Sending prayers your way to all.
@LAT. You got this. Do what feels right for you . I do agree Littlelola idea is great πŸ€—πŸ€—

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