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His Alzheimer's is a demon πŸ‘Ή

Apr 29, 2017 10:08 AM

Running on autopilot that's ready to crash. I think it says a lot when things go so badly the night before that I'd rather not even get out of bed to face the day. But I have no choice. Others depend on me (who can't help themselves right now). I have to leave soon even though I've been trying to get ready for 3 hours. As I get ready I feel my own body literally dragging through the motions, and at times my feet or the cane tip trips me up and I stumble.

Dad was in a horrible mood yesterday & last night. After the third call from family members sitting with him, I drove up to see if I could calm him down. I cried all the way home, angry that Dad is nothing like the man I remember, angry that he could be so hateful and cruel to everyone in the family. But like Jekyll and Hyde he changes instantaneously to a polite person if Health Care staff walks in.

Spoke to my stepmom earlier and she said he's not as onery as he was yesterday. But I have to push myself to go sit with him and relieve her today so she can go home. I can't even spend time with my daughter who is home from Texas for a few days to get her things and her dog and permanently move.

I don't think I've ever felt bitterness or resentment at having to care for any parent, until last night. I don't think I've ever questions God's mercy and Grace before, until last night. I can't put into words the hateful mean things he said, trying to run us off. I just wish I could forget them. It would be better for him to die than live another year or more like this. I grew up in a Christian home, with loving and caring people. This man is the exact farthest thing from either. I pray God gives me strength and courage to face him for however long dad needs me.

Apr 29, 2017 12:03 PM

I completely understand where you are, I took care of an A/D patient and helped the family too. They too felt the same way. It's ok to have these feeling. And your right the man who raised you is not the man your dealing with. It's not an easy road. I wish I could help you and give you a few days to recoup and release. Please know your not alone. If you ever want to talk about it. I can give you my #.

Apr 29, 2017 12:27 PM

Am so sorry. Being a caregiver to your parent can be one of the hardest things you can do. My grandfather was a Methodist Minister. In his last days when cancer took over his body he was not my grandfather. Combative, cussed like a sailor and very cruel in what he said. It literally breaks your heart. Am so sorry your father is going through this. My heart aches for you and your family.

Apr 29, 2017 1:00 PM

It is a vicious disease honey. Try to remember the beautiful man you grew up with and hate the disease not the person. My ex husband was a severe alcoholic and said absolutely awful things to our kids and his family to the point no one would answer his calls etc. he and I made our peace years ago and when I would try to help him in his last few days I tried to think that it was his disease talking not the man. He never did sober up and dies last September from alcoholism. He was a good man with a terrible disease.

Apr 29, 2017 6:40 PM

My Mum had Dementia for the last 5 years of her life n she wasnt the person she used to be as my brother
was not nice to her and i cannot speak to him for how he treated her n how nasty he was to me when i was little.
I cannot stand people who are horrible to other people at all i can say is they will get what is comming to thm when they die is how i see situations.

Dolphin500.

Apr 29, 2017 6:57 PM

What is it they say dolphin you reap what you sow? I also hate to see people mistreated as well.

Apr 29, 2017 8:39 PM

Thank you all for your support! It was another rough day. My stepmom left and he was antsy and agitated. I kept asking what was wrong, what was on his mind. Finally he sat on the side of the bed and began verbally attacking each and every family member for "knowing this was going to happen to me and not stopping it.". He was so hateful and mean about every word that came out of his mouth. He even verbally threatened to "come through here and spray everyone with an automatic", and"hurt that man (surgeon) if I ever meet him again." I finally told him calmly that I wasn't going to sit and listen to him verbally attack all of us, when we were doing everything we could to help him, that sitting with him and visiting him wasn't enjoyable under those conditions, kissed him and left. Then I cried all the way home. We've been dealing with his mind slipping further and faster as each day passes since Feb 28th and I'm totally drained, at my breaking point. I was suppose to sit with him tomorrow but hired a CNA instead. I just need a break. I did call my dad an hour ago to say I love him and wanted him to know i wasn't mad at him. He cried and said "I love you too. I don't know what's wrong with me but something is, and I don't know how to fix it.". I told him we will find a doctor to help but it won't be one from where he's at. He said ok, said he loved me and hung up. Dear Lord, give me strength! 😒

Apr 29, 2017 11:51 PM

Flappys I Know that's not easy to go through... When my Aunt's mind went her dementia and Alzheimer's turned her mean, every time I went to give her the pain medication ( she asked for it because she was hurting) she would start to throw punches and screaming my name to come help her because "this woman" (me) was trying to kill her! I was fixing her oxygen cannel in her nose and and said again "this woman"(me) was implanting a bomb to her when all I was doing was fixing her oxygen cannel in her nose. You have my love, Prayer's and Support and gentle hug's. Anytime you want to talk I'm here.

May 01, 2017 6:47 AM

Flappy - are you on Facebook? If so I have a dear friend who has a private group for people who have loved ones going through Alzheimer's. He often will post up to date information but also its a safe place to talk to others fighting the same battle.

May 05, 2017 9:46 PM

Mimikay, I'm not on FB, as a result of getting hacked. I do need to find a local support group. I took my dad to a new doc yesterday, who he really liked...shocker. But today he was irritated and couldn't comprehend he's going to assisted living instead of home, because his leg is not at all where I it should be, putting him at a higher risk for stroke. The doc changed multiple needs and said at some point we have to stop the Coumadin (for A-fib & stroke risk) because feeling and bleeding is a higher risk). The doc really listened to him and me. Today my dad was so upset because my stepmom hasn't been up since last weekend, but she's coming next Tuesday through Thursday. She's struggling with her own health issues and barely doing. But suddenly out of nowhere my dad thinks she's having an affair! Geez! I'm very tired so think I'll turn in. Thanks for sharing about the FB support. If I ever rejoin I will let you know. Hugs love & prayers for all! πŸ˜ŠπŸŒΌπŸ’—

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