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Jan 17, 2015 10:40 PM

So recently my pain has been always between 6-9 and I have been wheelchair ridden because of it. Today was my first day on my feet, and I went to work but at work I saw an old friend. She stopped by and started talking about her health and how she has anxiety and how a few years ago she had surgery(I just had surgery/was hospitalized early this week and she knew), and just kept going on and on. For the 4 years I have known her she just always complaining about everything. I got kind of upset inside and fiesty. She really doesn't have many health issues, but she has a lot of emotional issues. I feel horrible for being upset towards her. Have any of you felt that way? I don't want to invalidate her, but she is so healthy and it's just aggravating how I can't do the things she does yet she plays up that she suffers.

Jan 17, 2015 11:14 PM

I Truly understand how you feel. I have come across many like that. But what I try to remember is everyone has a different pain tollerance and emotional strength. You have been dealing with this for quite some time, you have suffered much pain. You have to admit, when this all started, and you probably felt quite miserable. I don't know if you have improved or got worse. In my case, I have gotten worse. But the pain I had in the beginning was very severe to me back then. But it would not have been as severe to me today. Because my pain tolerance has moved and I have had to deal with much more pain. Your pain would probably kill that woman. And then when it comes to emotional strength, the more and more larger things you have endured have made you a stronger person. Of course you don't want to rub it in her face or even let her know, but she would not be able to deal with all that you have gone through in one day or if her problems are minor.

I don't want you to think I am being a goodie, goodie. Because I fail so much when it comes to being a good person. But I try to think that it must be hard for them to handle the problems they have at their level and it may be very emotional draining for them. It could be taking a toll on their finances, family, ect. I am glad that they do not have to handle the problems that I have because I don't think they would be able to. It would be to much for them because it has already been too much for me but I have endured it and I have learned how to endure it.

It is just a thought. I do know what you mean though. I hate when well people say they understand. Or they understand because they had someone in their family who was in pain. Because as far as I am concerned, unless you can feel your whole body throb with your heartbeat in intense pain, unless you can feel that burning nerve running down your leg with every step you take or when you sit. There are so many others. But unless you can understand some of those and they last for extended period of time, then you don't know what I am going through. That may sound harsh but that is the way I feel. I just hate those two words, I understand. But I know they mean well and they don't know what to say. My rant is over with. I told you I am not good. Have a good night.

Jan 18, 2015 7:34 AM

I completely understand because a person who I know very well is constantly trying to "one-up" anyone who mentions their symptoms or pain level by stating how much worse off she is. But she gets around as if nothings wrong with her. Then there's my mother-in-law who was going blind with glaucoma and had high cholesterol & hyperthyroid, nothing else. She would complain so bad about her life and how she wished she could die. We'd tell her she's healthy and it could always be worse...then she had a mild stroke that took all but 3-5% vision and did brain damage. Now she's in a home, but still able to talk, walk, bathe, feed herself, etc, and still wishes she could just die because her life is so bad. She use to really push my buttons when shed say that. I realized she's just a negative complainer and wants sympathy but has no idea about compassion for others, not even those in wheelchairs in her pc home.

There will always be people like the 2 I listed. And I agree with profilers posting. I make the best of every day and try to ignore uncompassionate or habitually complaining peoples remarks....in one ear & out the other.

Jan 18, 2015 1:09 PM

You know Profiler, I don't "know" you personally but have read the majority of your posts. I see no reason through what I've read would make you feel like you failed at being a good person. You're compassionate, always willing to offer help to those who need it and you're honest about how you feel. I know what it's like to speak to people who know you are suffering, they go on an you try to give them some suggestions that might mak them feel better and they tell you why it WONT help them. I rarely speak to folks (other than here) about the issues I have because I don't feel I have a right to. Everyone has some troubling or overwhelming thing in their lives. I always think that there are many who are worse off than myself. If I can help folks by giving them coping skills or any help, sometime then I will give my story and explain how I manage. That doesn't mean that it will be the way someone else gets through. If someone needs to vent, go ahead, it takes my mind off of myself and that helps too. I'm not saying that it's not frustrating for Kashiiguren to deal with this person... I can understand it. Maybe a gentle reminder that you understand but are trying to recover from your own surgery would be enough to get this person to realize they weren't even checking to see how you're doing. We are all in this "pain nightmare" together and all we can do is listen, understand and try to help out.ive said many times that I am on here every day so ANYONE who needs me can reach me for a Chat. I'm supposed to go to my Cousin's Daughter's Sweet 16 in the Bronx tonight. The party is from 7:00-midnight and its pouring, I can't turn my head and can barely walk today. My Cousin (who flew in from Florids on Friday told me, take meds and rest.. I brought you something and I can't wait to see you. Don't disappoint me" ) I can't even pick up my left leg to get into the shower and the spasms are horrible. I'm not going, I know I. Going to have to listen to crap from her. The guilt is bad. I don't know how I could possibly go at this point. I'd have to take muscle relaxants which make me sleepy, Stacy and totally stupid.she sad, even if you come and just sit at the table!! Yeah right!!!until I fall asleep or something. I'll never hear the end of it. Can any of you tell me what you do/say when others say.. Just get up, take meds and go out and you'll feel all better. Hope everyone's having a great Sunday💕

Jan 19, 2015 12:14 AM

Ah you guys are so sweet. I am glad you understand too. I know that everyone struggles through their things and I must agree, what I was going through related to now I would run marathons. It's crazy thinking how time has made my tolerance higher and even if my condition worsens, it's not as if I can't take it. I think she def has guts to open up to people so easily about her issues and it astonishes me that she is so casual about it. There is only a few people I talk to about it, even my work doesn't know much. My work just knows that I'm hospitalized a lot and that I use a wheelchair at school cause work takes all that lasting endurance of pain, while walking around campus is just over the limit. And she just one ups everything. She is that person who cries "pity me" and "feel sympathy, I suffer" but she also always asks for things and never gives. But I understand that she takes her life heavily and I respect that, so I just give her positivity. 💖

Anytime someone says something like "get up, take meds and you'll feel better" I always just giggle, wink and say "if only it was that easy, but thanks!" And smile. Everyday has to be taken one moment at a time, that way your mind and body isn't overwhelmed or overworked. Some people just don't understand, but you know: even if they don't, they try and that is what really matters!!! ✨

Happy Sunday~

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