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how do you 'keep your cool'?

Mar 22, 2015 2:52 AM

Hi everyone. Sory to bother you but I was just wondering what you guys do to keep your temper in check. I know that pain and illness and not knowing and all the resulting emotions make all of us a little cranky from time to time. I lost my temper with my bosses boss on Thursday and hope to not completely freak out on him when we have our meeting to discuss my behavior. Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks.

Mar 22, 2015 6:29 AM

Gotobef I lose my temper sometimes with my family. When I find self getting worked up I get away from who ever is setting me off by leaving the room. Go outside and walk around and try deep breathing exercises you breath in slowly thru your nose and blow out your mouth slowly, really concentrate on doing this it seems to help me relax. If you can't get outside go to the bathroom do the same breathing exercise.. Hope this helps

Mar 22, 2015 8:58 AM

Gotobef, What Weezie said is my best mechanism. Deep breathing & separation. If you're unable to separate yourself, simply state something like, "I'm sorry but what you said has made me angry. I need a few moments to get my thoughts together." Anger is hard to control when we feel pain or stressed, but we have to make an extra effort not to lose our temper at others. I know it sounds crazy to say "it takes practice," but it does. Every situation of anger is another time for you to practice relaxation and gain control over the anger. I'm 53 now and when I was in my 20's I'd shoot off in anger like a rocket. I've used relaxation techniques to gain control. I actually had to apologize to my husband yesterday because we both started snapping at each other, but I snapped first. Regardless of the situation i own up to it when I do it by apologizing. Good luck and I'll say a prayer God will help you as He's helped me. πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Mar 22, 2015 9:06 AM

The only thing I can recommend is complete honesty aling with a heartfelt apology. Something along the lines of "I'm very sorry for my inappropriate behavior the other day. As you know thos is very uncharacteristic for me and I would appreciate the opportunity to give you a frame of reference. I suffer fro severe chronic pain and take a set of medication to manage and control the pain levels. One of the many side effects of these medications is anxiety (or whatever other word you want to use) and in out last interaction it manifested itself in me loosing my temper. I fully understand this is unacceptable in a professional environment and I have since talked to my support system on how to better manage this aspect of my illness. Now that you're aware I hope you can help me in letting me know if or when I' out of line and give me pointers on how to better respond. - In other words, make your boss and bosses boss a partner instead of an adversary. I hope this helps!

Mar 22, 2015 10:15 AM

When I was working my coworkers said I was always angry. I didn't realize it. I never went off on anyone completely but I did walk away in the middle of a conversation which pretty much got me in as much trouble because then I was uncommunitive and angry. What got me through work was loranzapam amazing how much an anxiety med can help. I liked it because i didn't have to take it every day only when needed after taking it for a couple weeks. Your body is already in fight or flight and your acting out which I am assuming is not normal is beyond your control. I am not a professional by any means this was my experience. I have been out of work now over a year and will joke and say sometimes I am such a Bitch I piss myself off.

Mar 22, 2015 11:24 AM

I did email him with an explanation as to why I lost my temper with him. I also explained how statements and jokes he makes are highly offensive. I told him that I have wanted nothing to do with him since the day he told me to take a tic tac for my pain because it was all in my head. I told him how even jokingly assigning me to arrange all these extra things like going away parties and then giving me 'what's wrong with you' looks when I refuse and start explaining why will send me into a rage (which is exactly what happened) because I have explained to him many times that I just want to come to work, do my job, go home and get paid. Trying to talk to him is like slamming my head into the wall repeatedly, except the wall doesn't tell me that I'm doing everything wrong and I'm only sick because I believe I'm sick and the wall doesn't argue for fun.

Mar 22, 2015 12:18 PM

Gotobef, that's horrible the way he treats you! Is he the owner or does he have a boss you can file a complaint with? Not that he deserves it, but get a letter from your doctor stating your conditions. Maybe then he'll be more compassionate. Its hard not to wish the same illnesses we have on those like him... But I personally prefer to "take the high road" rather than stoop to their level. God's blessings to you! πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Mar 22, 2015 4:16 PM

Gotobef, I. So sorry that happened. Sometime when we're feeling like shit and in horrible pain, hate the world, are completely exhausted all the time, that goes without saying. When you have your meeting, just explain to them the problem and what it does to you. Stay calm, concentrate on your breathing so you can keep your BP and heart rates don't escalate. You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and hold tight to your faith. β€οΈπŸ’•πŸŒ»πŸ™πŸŒΊ, I'll be st

Mar 22, 2015 5:12 PM

Do you have an HR department you can go to? I would also talk to an attorney specialized in HR matters to get some advice. Do you live in a right to work state or can you talk to a union rep? Sounds like your bosses boss is a total dick.

Mar 22, 2015 5:36 PM

He isn't the owner so I could talk to his boss if I wanted to but to me it seems like you have to be an even bigger ass to get that high up. The HR chick is useless and would like to see me go. I wear hoodies jeans and running shoes so I'm not a proper woman in her eyes and if it's my word against his she will side with him. I emailed the union rep I want in the office with me for this meeting but since we work rotating shifts I'm not sure if it'll work out that he can be there. I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday before my shift starts and will be asking for something in writing for him that says I'm sick and possibly a note for all days or a couple weeks of stress leave. I don't want to bring a lawyer into it, I'm fairly certain that his jokes and inappropriate comments are because he was a tech whose job was to fix things and my problems can't be fixed and that makes him uncomfortable. Personally I'm of the opinion that if you're uncomfortable then just don't say anything and walk away but that's not how some people are.

Mar 22, 2015 6:08 PM

Oh my. I just realized that I forgot to thank you guys for your support. I'm sorry. I guess I'm stressed about this meeting that doesn't even have a date yet. I hope that you are having as good of a day as possible. Hugs. And thanks for the advice and support. πŸ’ž

Mar 22, 2015 6:47 PM

Do you have time with the company to put in for "leave of absence"? If your doctor fills out the papers that state you have medical condition (s) that may require you to take time off either on an as needed basis or in a 12 week stretch, they legally have to provide it. But you have to be a full time employee. Its very helpful to chronically I'll patients.

Mar 22, 2015 7:58 PM

gotobef, I agree with FlappsyLady. It could be an invaluable tool if you have time with the company to take some medical leave. Also, I would explain in the meeting that you are in a bad situation with your health and that you were overwhelmed at the time. If you are comfortable enough, give them some of the diagnosis you have received. (If necessary, THEY can Google the info to see what you are dealing with). Good luck and I will be standing by for your update on the situation... πŸ’•πŸŒ»πŸ™πŸŒΊ

Mar 22, 2015 8:20 PM

I don't get angry often but when I do it's bad I get sad more often I just try and do things I enjoy like video games help cause I can take out my aggression on the bad guys then I also write or I recently got on Twitter and I look up cute animal pics it's impossible to be mad when you see an owl put a hat onπŸ˜ƒ

Mar 22, 2015 9:05 PM

Tardis, I agree... How can you not laugh at silliness of animals! 😊. We adopted a dog this weekend and I forgot (after losing our dog almost a year ago) just how entertaining they can be, and stress relieving. πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Mar 23, 2015 6:08 AM

You can try breathing excercises, self-hypnosis (go to a hypnotherapist ask them to teach you), hypnotherapy, CBT, counselling, talking here and much more

Mar 23, 2015 10:47 AM

Reece is right, do yourself a favor and try deep breathing exercises. Find a quiet, comfortable place and sit down, or lay down. Concentrate on breathing abdominally, which, by the way, is the correct way to breathe. Take deep, cleansing breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each exhale, relax your muscles, starting from the top all the way down to your feet, it will take a while but when you get to your feet, you should be very relaxed (almost sleepy) and your pain levels should be decreased. I hope that this was helpful to you. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't work the way you want the first time, it does take practice. You're in my prayers.. Good luck!! πŸ’•πŸŒ»πŸ™πŸŒΊ

Mar 23, 2015 12:06 PM

Gotobef your boss seems like a real jerk. I would be sure to get documentation from your Dr. on everything that you are having trouble with. I would also while waiting on a time frame for meeting go ahead and making a couple of copies of my diagnosis to give the jerk and miss hr and one for the boss in case he will be there. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Mar 27, 2015 11:12 PM

Update: boss is coming in on Sunday when there will be no one around for me to ask to witness the meeting since I'm on shift by myself. It's going to be interesting. I think I need to learn how to record audio on my phone by then

Mar 28, 2015 11:28 AM

Figure it out quickly or let the boss know you don't feel it's appropriate to have to face him with nobody to witness BOTH of your sides.

Apr 04, 2015 11:15 AM

He said hi and bye and that was that. Apparently the day shift had talked to him and gave him lots to think about and there still is no date for a meeting. I'm hoping he forgets and just leaves me alone.

Apr 04, 2015 9:37 PM

Gotobef we will all keep our fingers and toes crossed. That he will.

Apr 16, 2015 2:50 PM

He didn't forget. :(
But it went better than planned.
He apologized for the things he said. He told me to tell him when he says something offensive because he might not realize that he did.
He asked me to keep my swearing to a minimum because he hates swearing.
He said that I am a good worker but he said that when I'm feeling really crappy/hugely negative to just stay home

Apr 16, 2015 3:03 PM

He also explained the long term and short term disability programs to me. And said that if it gets to the point where I can't do this job they will find something else within the company for me, like a secretary position (which is a substantial pay cut but I'd still have a job).
No disciplinary action, so I will say the meeting was successful.

Apr 16, 2015 3:56 PM

πŸ™† That's great Gotobef! πŸ™πŸŒΌ

Apr 16, 2015 4:02 PM

Oh, Gotobef, I am so happy to hear of the successful outcome of your meeting. I'm glad that your boss had the common sense to realize that when you deal with such pain and it is unrelenting, it causes you to be very short fused or impatient because you can't deal with it. At least he said that you can stay home if you feel badly and that when the time comes that you can no longer do the job you do now, he would find you another position in the company and that you would still have a job. Many bosses would just say that if you can't do it any more, you would have to leave the company. You have to be careful with Short and Long Term Disability. Short term, you should be able to qualify for. Long Term Disability is harder to get, as you have seen by several posts here in the community. Now, I don't know if he is referring to Short Term and Long Time Care which is totally different and uses the same types of rules as life insurance. If you have a pre-existing condition, you would have to pay a higher premium. It is always a good idea to look into Long Term Care while you're working and get it (locking in a decent rate) before you get too bad. It is definitely beneficial to have because it pays out better when you can no longer work because it is an actual policy that you pay into and then you get paid from it monthly when the time comes that you need it. Well, I'm sorry I got off topic, your meeting went well, you will have a job even when you cannot perform the one you are doing and your boss had the courtesy to apologize to YOU... I am really happy for you.

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