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How to get family to underatand

Nov 17, 2016 6:29 PM

I've been diagnosed since 2008 with fibromyalgia even though i've had pains since age 5 in different parts of my body. Last year I was diagnosed with PTSD from an abusive marriage I was in. Physical violence atleast 3x a week. Last year I was also diagnosed with scoliosis, arthritis on my wrists, and piriformis syndrome (which is a condition with your muscles near you sciatic nerves so when I get inflammed my muscles tense up and I feel pain, stabbing, and hot sensations down my legs and feet) Growing up I lost a lot of my friends due to me cancelling a lot of plans or just not being able to play outside like they can. I wasn't able to catch up most of the time. As an adult now, 31, I am still noticing that I have lost all my friends except 1. She has been a faithful friend since age 5. Eveyone else says, "oh lets not plan anything with her.. It's not like she will come" or when they get a call from me even if it's not to cancel the 1st thing they will say is, "let me guess you are in pain and can't make it as usual". Because of this I have become a loner. I no longer make plans.

The worse feeling though is when ur fam and spouse don't understand or choose not to no matter how many articles you send them, YouTube videos, or even taking them to my appointments. Seems to go through one ear and out the other. They do not understand how hurtful this is. " You have to push yourself, stop being so lazy, why are u always in pain?, why are you moving so slow? Move faster!, Let me guess ur in pain again". This brings me to tears each time and makes me want to give up on myself, which I have tried many attempts to end my life because I don't see a reason to live anymore. The last time was this past weekend. I don't know how to shake these feelings off easily and usually puts me in a deep depression that can last who knows how long.

Anyone else has gone through this? If so what has helped? What else can I do for those close to me understand what I go through? I feel real lost.

Nov 17, 2016 7:51 PM

Hi you seem to have really been through the mill, I hope that things get better for you. As you say people don't understand it, mostly because fibro is an invisible illness. I agree that although there is info out there some people don't believe that fibro is real. My family and partner don't understand but on the plus side none of them expect anything of me anymore as I no longer say that I no longer agree to attend anything I always just say I need to wait until the day as I sometimes am just not fit enough. My response to people when they say any of the above to me is 'when you've walked a mile in my shoes then come back and say it to me' that usually shuts them up. Sorry I can't be much more help. Sending you hugs xx

Nov 17, 2016 8:02 PM

Thank u! Yes i tell them that I wish they can wake up one day the way I feel and see how strong I actually am. As fpr plans. I either medicate myself with my pills or weed to be able to get out or I just don't go.

Nov 17, 2016 8:07 PM

I am so sorry that your family and friends have not understood your pain. Having an invisible illness can be much worse in that sense. I wish there was a way to make them understand but it seems that you have tried and they still don't get it. I would suggest talking to them about how much it hurts you when they say the things they say. Even if they can't understand the pain they can hopefully understand emotions.

If you (and family) are open to the idea of seeing a therapist I would really recommend that. It was one of the best ways I was able to get my dad to somewhat understand my mental health issues. Even if they aren't willing you might want to try it out. I really didn't want to go at first (but I was young and my mom made me) but it really changed my life.

Please think about calling a suicide hot line if you ever feel like that again ❤️ they are anonymous and free to call

I am sending lots of good thoughts your way {{hugs}}
You are so strong and important, I'm so sorry those around you can't see it right now

Nov 17, 2016 8:07 PM

Its a shame that you feel you have to self medicate or take your normal meds to be able to go out 😞. When you go do you pay a penalty physically the next few days? I do know that feeling. If we have a family function that I must go to, I make sure that I try to get a few days where I'm not so busy so I can rest a little beforehand, but, I'm lucky I don't have young children, mine are up and out lol. Try to keep your chin up, remember we are all here to help each other and to let you get the bad stuff off your chest. Thinking of you xx

Nov 17, 2016 8:22 PM

Yes, I am starting therapy next week. I honestly can't wait!

And yes whenever I have to do anything. I'm stuck paying for it for 2-4 days depending on how much I pushed myself and the weather. My wife is willing to go to some sessions with me so that she can understand and hear what's on my mind without me getting so angry with her. When I am in pain which is daily I have a really short fuse for any bs

Nov 17, 2016 8:22 PM

Yes, I am starting therapy next week. I honestly can't wait!

And yes whenever I have to do anything. I'm stuck paying for it for 2-4 days depending on how much I pushed myself and the weather. My wife is willing to go to some sessions with me so that she can understand and hear what's on my mind without me getting so angry with her. When I am in pain which is daily I have a really short fuse for any bs

Nov 17, 2016 8:24 PM

Good luck with the therapy, I think it's great that your wife will go with you to some of your sessions 🍀

Nov 17, 2016 9:37 PM

Yes.. Thank u so much 💜

Nov 17, 2016 11:00 PM

Hi Mimi - from another Mimi. Earlier today I posted this picture. Its relevant to all of us I think.

Nov 18, 2016 1:34 AM

Mimiski I know what you feeling and I actually feel I'm on a very dark path at the moment and seriously struggling to pull myself out of it.
I hope you find the therapy with your wife helpful for both of you so that you can both move forward with your lives with a positive and united front xx

Nov 18, 2016 1:51 AM

(((( hugs Sezzy )))) and (((( Mimiski ))))

The last couple of months are usually the hardest due to a few reasons.

1. The weather changes. Any changes in barometric pressure affects most Chronic Pain Warriors.

2. The Holidays. For a few reasons.
A) we mourn the ones who are no longer there to celebrate with us.
B) we mourn our not being able to do as much as we once could.
C) or we "push through" and find ourselves if not overwhelmed then at least over stressed and running on adrenalin knowing when it's over we are going to crash.

If we don't have a family (by blood or by heart) that supports and encourages us and reminds us to set limits etc. It becomes extremely difficult to pull ourselves out of that dark place. I have seen both sides over the years. Have had my suicidal thought years and my blessed to be alive years. :)

So while I know it's not easy I also believe in both of you and know you will both come through it like the awesome warriors you are.

Nov 18, 2016 7:15 AM

Wow Mimi.. Thanx so much. This definitely put a smile to my face knowing I am not alone in this. Someone finally understands. Last night was horrible as I have PTSD and just relived all the abuse my x husband put me through. Him trying to kill me in different ways and the cops wouldnt do anything since they have been in the home plenty of times.. I even woke up with right sided pain which is due to him grabbing me by my hair and banging it against the wall all the time. My entire body hurts even having light sensitivity this morning... But i must keep pushing. I must not quit! Thank u so much! 💜

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