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How to get kids to understand

Sep 18, 2015 6:54 AM

I have two kids a 10 yr old girl and 5 yr old boy. Both are great kids and the older one is very helpful. But i struggle to get them to understand how much pain i am in and how it affects me. I am constantly having to say i can't because they ask things i simply couldn't do like go to the park just me and them. I don't /can't leave my house without help as i am in a wheelchair most of the time. My son hit me right in my most painful part last night and i have never had so much pain ever even in childbirth. After while crying i found myself feeling guilty for crying as i didn't want him to feel too badly. Any advice on how to get them to take it easy on me a bit?

Sep 18, 2015 10:35 AM

Okay, my perspective is as a kid growing up with 2 parents with chronic pain. I have chronic pain myself, but it was bearable until middle school.
I think you should definitely let them know if you're hurting. My mom and dad both had times where they couldn't move at all, whether from a surgery or an awful migraine. It would make me sad, but I knew that they were trying and would be around as soon as they felt a bit better.
Try not to feel guilty about being in more pain then normal. That's hard, though.

Sep 18, 2015 4:32 PM

Be honest and use as simplea description as possible. When my daughter was 3 I had surgery and she'd come wanting me to lift her. I showed her my booboo and told her it hurt and I couldn't lift her. My oldest daughter taught her to climb up in my lap where we could snuggle. My 9 to granddaughter knows I'm not able to do things like we did when she was younger, so she comes up with alternate ways for us to play together. I've just always been honest. Of course it's hard if they can't see the booboo, but it's like a toothache, tummy ache, or headache; felt but not seen. 🙏🌼

Sep 18, 2015 6:04 PM

Thanks for the advice ladies. Will definitely take it on board and try and be more honest with them. I tell my husband that i am like the rock biter from never ending story. I use to be so strong and now I'm broken.

Sep 19, 2015 5:41 AM

Im with everyone else. Be upfront and just explain it to them and make sure to have boundries of what they can and cant do with you like jumping on you and such. Kids are very smart and sometimes we as adults forget that or maybe feel we need to shelter them from our pain but that doesnt help anyone.
I dont have children, but when i was diagnosed i was very upfront with my nieces and nephews about how they couldn't be rough with me anymore and that I would answer any questions that they had about my illness. That was seven years ago and ive never had any trouble with it.

There was even this one visit where we met my nieces boyfriend and at one point in the weekend he was running up from behind me and was goin to put his arm around my shoulder but was coming in a bit hot and fast. My niece saw this and screamed "No, dont touch her!!!!" and he avoided bumping into me. It still makes me laugh, remembering her yell and scaring the pants off this kid. She was so concerned he would accidentally hurt me.
Aww telling that story made me remember how much i miss them all lol

Sep 19, 2015 5:45 AM

I have had to stop spending time at my son's kinder because the kids were being too rough and two little brats kept pulling my walking stick out from under me and taking it. It is one of my goals for the program i am in that i will try and spend 30 minutes without my pain exceeding level 6 pain.

Sep 23, 2015 10:24 PM

I have a13yr old daughter and 10yr old son. Trying to make them understand how bady pain is is downright impossible. I've tried reading the symptoms to them. Explaining that my body hurts all over like when they have sore muscles from sport or like when they feel sick with a cold. But nothing seems to work. Any suggestions? Please.....

Sep 24, 2015 3:33 AM

Ive struggled with this same thing. Im in the process of writing a childrens book that explains it in simple amd relatable terms. Hell, there are adults in my life that need to read it.

Sep 24, 2015 4:12 AM

My children are 20 & 17. Although they know I'm not well, I know they worry about me a lot. My son is special needs so it's taken him longer to realise that I can't do the things I used to do.
I'd say, give them time and speak gently about it. It's hard to speak the truth without scaring the bejesus out of them! Maybe explain that you have a pain problem all over which means they need to be gentle with you like they would a puppy or kitten. It needs to relate to something they can understand at that age.
For older children, by all means tell them the truth but I wouldn't go into detail. Keep it simple and try to reassure them that it isn't going to make you go away forever, just that you need gentle touch instead of rough play or butterfly touch (the girls will probably like that more), not ogre hardness.
Of course, my two now have a laugh since I'm somewhat decrepit nowadays. I am being brought a walker for the house as I am supposed to use two crutches but it means I can't carry things. The walker has trays so I can move things around better without compromising my balance and pain.

Sep 24, 2015 5:35 PM

Thank you StaceyinAz and PJB, I am grateful for your help. I may even try to write down how I feel and how the fibro affects every aspect of my life now and put it in a way that they can understand. My 10yr old has a learning disability so it will be a challenge and my 13yr old, well as most teenage girls these days, thinks the universe revolves around her so she is harder to get through to. But thankyou both very much 😊

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