Since I dropped out of high school I have lost every single friend.
Every single one.
I have a pretty successful tumblr blog. But anytime time I tried making friends on there after a day or 2 we eventually just stop talking.
The last time I actually hung out with someone was more than a year ago.
I know that its partially my fault that I can't make friends because I'm horribly shy and like every other teenage girl out there I assume everyone thinks I'm annoying. But you would think by now at least some one would have stuck around, right?
Now that my illness has taken quite a toll on my body I feel even more "shy" or whatever.
I can't even bring myself to message some one first anymore because there would be questions about my health immeditly (because I have a tube sticking out of my fucking nose) there's even been times where some one legit will just message me just to ask what the tube is for. Which then makes my confidence in making friends 10 thousand times worse.
Sure I could go "try" to go talk to some old friends from high school. But there's litterally nothing in common any more.
I should be graduating this year...but I'm not.
Prom was last weekend. I never wanted to go, but seeing all my old friends having the time of their life's just hurts. They all have cars now, all have jobs, they are all getting ready to go to college.
And I can't do any of those things.
I know I have all of you. And I am SOOOO grateful for all of you. But sometimes I just wish I had some one to come over or go out with sometimes...
I have no one...I sit at home...day after day....Doing nothing but watching TV, sleeping, or crying from pain. And when I'm not home I'm at the doctors getting nothing but bad news. I just seem to be getting sicker and sicker no matter what they do. My fevers never go lower than 101 f°, insurance declings everything, I am fainting from the fevers, blacking out from pain, I constantly have a migraine, I broke a toe because I fell and accidentally stepped on my foot which caused the bone to break because they are so brittle, my wrists pop out of place so often I have to wear wrist braces constantly.
Everything is getting worse and there's nothing I can do about it.
I feel like that guy from sponge bob. Remember
"I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs and every night I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep."
Who knew sponge bob would be so relateable to a 19 hear old girl.