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I can' t do this anymore

Jan 04, 2018 2:53 PM

Haveing another MAJOR pain flare up.not a day goes by that I am pain free. But nice learned to try deal.with it. But not today. I can't do this anymore. I feel.so selfish thinking this way..so many would.be blessed to be where I am. I have such a supportive family that are there for me. Everytime I cry. Every time I decide that moving or leaving the bed is too much work. And they are what keeps me.here. but is that enough. I'm scared one day it w/o t. I'm fightingy.pain, but have a past if self mutaliazation and they enter my thoughts more everyday.will it ever get better. Am I just being a baby?

Jan 04, 2018 5:23 PM

You're not being a baby. I think most of us living with chronic pain have at some point thought about suicide. Please remember that all of us in this pain community, your family and friends care about you. I know it's not easy living with chronic pain, and one of the key features of many chronic pain conditions is depression. No one can guarantee that your pain will get better, but there are tons of resources available to help with the emotional aspect of it. If you are thinking about suicide or harming yourself please reach out to someone in your family or friend group and then get help from a hospital, 911, or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 (https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/).

Jan 04, 2018 11:13 PM

I know exactly how you feel, I was in so much pain a couple of weeks ago and I went to the ER and they wouldn't do anything that I threatened to kill myself. I got sent to the psych hospital and it was for the best because I needed my depression meds recalibrated. So yes please get help, I'm up now and can't sleep with bad back pain but I know I have got to survive this. Hugs to you and ask me anything and or vent to me anything you need I'm a listening ear.

Jan 05, 2018 5:11 AM

Everyday is a fight with me. I get what you are saying. It to the point where I am waiting to see when I am going to hit rock bottom. I really don't know how I keep going on other than I really Love My Wife.

I was a super tough guy before this crap started to take over my life. Now I feel like a bowl of jello.
Seek help... I go to see a phycologist and Doctors whatever it takes, because I don't want to inflict pain onto the people I Love.

I know you are really hurting and sometime it's to much, but tomorrow (might) be better. Keep saying that to yourself and when you do get a good day, make the most of it.
Take care of yourself

Jan 05, 2018 8:03 AM

You’re not being a baby, you’re strong because you’re still here. Many people cannot take the pain you’re in.

Everything you describe is what I go through as well. Agony, wanting to give up, fear, loss of hope. But we are warriors. I know some days we ask, “how will I survive today” but somehow we do.

Take pride in your victory however hopeless it might seem. Some day, hopefully soon there will be a cure. Until then, you’re not alone.

Message me anytime you need to talk or vent. We’re here to help one another.

Cheers.

Jan 05, 2018 11:18 AM

Thank you so much to everyone I know I'm not alone. Everyone who shared I feel.understands. I know I will never do anything that .hurt my family. And I do want to be strong.....but I'm.sick of trying so hard. I need physiological help. I know this. But that's just another Dr I have to see. Another specialist. One year , when we we're. Doing our taxes, it came up that all the medical bills.were.mine alone. And we paid 6000 out of pocket. The tax lady told my husband I was high maintenance. And I know I shouldn't let it bother me., Becuase my husband said screw.her, but I feel I'm a burden anyway. I know my.husband loves me.and still thinks he's the lucky one, I m scared that they will all get sick of me.
One of the reasons that really.had me.spiraling is these people who tell.me, why dont you try the natrual healing, your too young to have so much wrong with you.
I've done EVERYTHING the acupuncture, over 40 shots and nerve ablasions , massage therepy , physical therepy, chiropractor, meditation. Every night, vitamens, swimming. And I'm on morphine 4 times a.day ..with a percacet.for break through that doesn't work.amd I have break through pain all the time..morphine is not.working as well. Which depressees me even more.anyways thanks for listing . I'm new here

Jan 05, 2018 4:44 PM

I can definitely understand feeling like a burden. I've been married to my wife now for 3 years and we've been seeing doctors about my pain for over 2 years. If it wasn't for her, I would be lost. If you have someone fighting with you, you can't quit. It's a team effort. :)

Jan 05, 2018 4:59 PM

I am so sorry. Was definitely trying to raise you up not bring you done.

Jan 05, 2018 6:14 PM

You guys are all warriors!!! Remember it is okay not to be okay!!! Take time to grieve. Grieve the pain, the person you once were, a life free from pain. Grieve them, cry, eat cake for breakfast, do whatever you need to to get it out. When you are ready make a plan to move forward. Whether that is getting dressed and showering, or accomplishing one goal like getting the mail. I’ve spent a whole month isolating myself and feeling sad. I’m finally feeling ready to move forward and looking to feel grateful for the good things (sometimes they feel few and far between) in my life. You can get there. Be proud of how much you have survived!

Jan 05, 2018 6:52 PM

Pain is pain sometimes I only leave the bed to go to the restroom for 3 or 4 days in a row. You are not a baby. You need to do what is right got you. Quit being so hard on yourself. We all need to ask for help sometimes.

Jan 06, 2018 9:24 AM

You have been given great advice and even greater support. I hope you realize the blessing in that? There is Hope in knowing you aren't alone. And there are others who know exactly how you feel because they are where you are or they have been there. Keep reach out to this community that understands and are willing to walk out your journey with you.

Jan 07, 2018 9:53 PM

Only with the HOPE FOUND ONLY IN Jesus,as my friend, am I able to face the day and tell him- While I am in this darkened pain-filled days, use me here, along with others I see around me, so they can hold on and find the Hope that only you can give!

Jan 18, 2018 1:19 PM

Hey paingame👋 I'm new here and so I'm scrolling thru all the posts. I see yours is almost 2 weeks old but wanted to check on you and see how you are doing and if you found some ways to cope thru?
I'm in a similiar situation with tons of support but also feel that way sometimes too and I know it's so dark and hard to get out of. Hope you're mentally feeling better.

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