I sat down yesterday and finally organized and wrote out all of my "stuff"... Med list, past surgical history, my medical diagnoses, and family history. I could see all of them at once and felt so overwhelmed, angry, sad, alone in my pain, bawling my head off. Then, when I cry I always end up thinking about Mom ( she died March 2014) and I miss her so much. She was the one person I could totally open up to. 😥😥
I think later I am going to get the courage to put all this information on this iPad and post it. Honestly, I am feeling like if you get to know me and find out about all of this "stuff" that you too will not believe and will slowly walk away. That is always my biggest fear (if they knew the real me they would not want to know me).. I'm beginning to think maybe you won't walk away......... I'll deal with that later.
Now for the real reason for my extreme anxiety/panic attacks today. I am having a colonoscopy this afternoon around 3:00. The prepping for it doesn't bother me, nor does the colonoscopy itself. My Mom was diagnosed with colon carcinoma in 2009. It was an early catch so she didn't have to do chemo or radiation. It just seems that with all the diagnoses I have, I just am terrified it will come back bad.
So, could I get a little love and inspiration from you, my fellow pain sufferers and and new family of friends. Well, gotta go. Lol. Love and wishes for a day that is tolerable and not stressful. Is there such a thing?? I know one thing that helps... Knowing I'm not so alone in my people-filled life..... And always finding the humor... Laughter, maybe it really is the best medicine. I'll check in later...