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I don't know how much longer I can stand this

Nov 30, 2015 4:13 AM

I have had CRPS for 3 years now and it has only spread and become more intense every month that passes. I can't eat solid food now because I'll throw it up so I drink yogurt and protein drinks for every meal. On top of the 24/7 pain and 2 hours of sleep a night I have a migraine every other day. I don't take painkillers because they refuse to absorb in my body and anti depressant/ anxiety meds do not work either. I take muscle relaxers to get my hour or two of sleep at night. I'm so sick of this pain, being this young and not being able to leave the house or have a job sucks. I'm lucky the accident that gave me CRPS was in the US Coast Guard only because I get 70% disability. The VA is horrible and never helps no matter how many times I've asked.
My friends all complain about school and work when I cry about not being able to go because of the pain.
I don't relate to anyone I know anymore and I haven't lived a day where I'm happy I've continued this life for well over a year. I can't stand this anymore. Feeling like something is stabbing/burning you every 5-10 minutes is not a way to live. Maybe I'm wrong but I've watched family members die of cancer and I would never wish for them to continue being in the pain they had while dying. But here I am living in torture hating it. I see my pain doctor today at 430pm so we will see if I can start ketamine infusions or not. I'm afraid he wants to put a pain pump in me instead which scares me, I hate surgery (I've had two in the past two years). I don't know how to be positive anymore. The only thing that gives me hope is knowing I will die one day and not be in this torturous body anymore.
Sorry about the rant. I had to vent.

Nov 30, 2015 4:41 AM

Sorry you are in so much pain. Not sure of your age but I know how you feel about being young and in so much pain. I'm 38 and feel like 90 most days. My boss asked me if I was a hypochondriac the other day. I told her I wish I was.
I hope your doctor can help you out today.

Nov 30, 2015 4:52 AM

No apologies needed. We do what we must do to feel better. I tell people who ask me why I do this or that and I say, "hey, if I smear a glob of peanut butter on my forehead and it works.....even just a tiny bit, then I'll do it!"

Hang in there. I won't pretend to know how you're feeling as your pain is just that....yours. You're stronger than you realize. You joined this community, us randoms :-) and vented. Venting, no matter what avenue you use, helps our emotional well being tremendously.

I wish you blessings at your appointment and some relief too.

Nov 30, 2015 7:19 AM

Megan, I am so very sorry for the pain that you are suffering. It is difficult at best to get up every day feeling the same or worse than the day before and have no sleep on top of it. Please do not be sorry for the rant. There are no judgements here. This is a safe forum to unburden yourself from what is dragging you down. I want to welcome you to our pain family. I know it is not anything you'd ever expect to be hearing but we are a zany, wonderful, loving and understanding bunch. There are many reasons why we are all here but we all share the commonality of chronic, irretractable pain. I've been in pain for 22 years, have had 29 surgeries in that time frame and I have been formally diagnosed with over a dozen pain causing diseases and syndromes including, Fibro, CRPS/RSD, Scoliosis, cervical spondalytic myelopathy, DDD/DJD, and several others. CRPS is a hideous disease and it can pop up anywhere you've had surgery or an injury and can spread. The burning is horrible and the sensitivity to touch is also a nightmare. I can't even shave my legs any more because of it.. I do suffer through it once a month because having hairy legs just does t work for me... LOL!! At any rate, I understand your grief, I understand being at the end of your rope.. You can hang onto my rope.. Here's my hand, hold it, we'll help you get through. You can lean on us. I have two shoulders to cry on, two ears to listen, two eyes to cry with you, two arms to hug you and give you comfort. I know being young and wanting to go to school and work is hard. I've not worked in 10 years and it has been a battle. Sometimes I'm glad to be home where I can cry, try to relax and know I don't have to be anywhere and other times, I so wish I was back in my office, helping other people and doing my job, having money in my pocket, heading out to hang out with friends. Know that life is not over, Hon, it's just different. It's not what you planned for or Wanted but it's what you've got. You can still get joy and fun out of life, it's a matter of adjusting how you do things. You will learn to do what you love when you are not feeling as horrible, you'll learn to pace yourself and take breaks, you'll learn to build up to an occasion that is upcoming so you can get some enjoyment out of it. I know it's hard to imagine, but I promise you it's possible. You will never be alone, no matter the time of day or night, there will always be someone here to come to your side when you need it. You can do this. Take a step back and look at the blessings you have in your life (no matter how bad things get, we all have them). Please, try to take a deep breath and see what the doctor tells you this afternoon. There is a simple test the doctor can do that just involves swabbing the insides of your cheeks and it can tell the doctor(s) what medications would work for your body, what won't, what you may be allergic to, etc. ask about it when you go for your appointment. They may need to get permission from the insurance company to do it, but in your case I don't see them denying it. In the meanwhile, I'm sending you gentle {{{{Hugs}}}} and prayers that you will get what you need from the doctor, have better days ahead and that you find the strength with us to hang in there. One second, one moment, one day at a time.. 🌻🙏🏻

Nov 30, 2015 7:56 AM

I feel this so much. Nothing works anymore, and it's frustrating. I always felt like I never fit in, anywhere. Its horrible, but being on this app helps ALOT. keep talking to people and expressing how you feel. It might not help the pain, but it definitely helps your emotions. If you can do the ketamine do it. If I had the option I would they are saying I'm to young even though it might be helpful. I feel you so much. CRPS is not fun. It'd horrible. But you will get through this and I know you will.
Gentle hugs to you.

Nov 30, 2015 7:58 AM

See, Jenna... With all you have been going through you are here to help others and you are more than encouraging and uplifting. Never think that you're anything less than fabulous... Because that is exactly what you are!!💕🙏🏻🌻

Nov 30, 2015 8:01 AM

I just like helping alwayz ^.^ just like you haha. And I never read something so similar to how my CRPS was a few months back, what Megan is going threw is nearly exactly what I have been experiencing, sadly I don't have "advice" to help any pain, but if I can make someone smile, or feel better than it helps me out too.

Nov 30, 2015 8:03 AM

There you go, Sweetheart!! Same happens for me. I always feel better if I can get someone feeling better or smiling. It's a wonderful thing!! 💕

Nov 30, 2015 9:14 AM

Thank you all or your support, it really means a lot to me to have people to talk to! I'm 21 now, I got the disease in 2013 a week after I turned 19. I hope that everyone has a good day today with less pain!

Nov 30, 2015 11:57 AM

MeganB, I can't add anything more than what AlwayZ has said. We're all may have trouble fitting in elsewhere, but this is not one of those places... We all fit here, because we understand chronic pain. (((Hugs))) & prayers your doctor appt will have positive results to less painful days. Wishing everyone a better day than the worst day of last week! 🙏🌼

Nov 30, 2015 3:23 PM

To everyone that responded and to meganblondie, this post has uplifted and encouraged many others who may be feeling similar emotions, but are too shy or afraid to let it out. It also gives us a chance to help others through kind, nonjudgmental, and loving responses.

I appreciate all of you and this community board and the app too!

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