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I don't know how much longer I can take this pain

Sep 17, 2015 3:59 PM

I love my kids and husband and God. I do not want to abandon any of them or disappoint I'm just so tired of this constant pain and doctors that think you just want a "high" I wish them my pain for one day. Just one. I've not been high off of a pain pill EVER. Maybe when u need it it doesn't mess with I idk. I do know when I have my meds the pain is still there but at a level I can deal with. I can work and play with my kids and without it I am worthless, crying, I have fallen i do not know what to do. I'm at the end of my rope

Sep 17, 2015 5:20 PM

I feel your pain but keep picking myself up. Today everything hurts...from my head to my feet. Head,shoulders,knees,and toes. Doctors look at me like I'm crazy. And just through meds at me . Instead of trying to fix the pain. Without my family I'm not sure how much longer I'd deal with it. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Sep 17, 2015 5:22 PM

I can tell you that I have been in your shoes and I hear you. I am grateful for my family understanding that I feel broken. I also know that finding the 'right' pain management team has helped alot. I was at the point where I was pissed everyday because "I woke up". As a mother that is a terrible place to be. That is not a feeling that I would wish on anyone. What you will find here is a very empathetic and compassionate group. We have and many are still walking in a very similar pair of shoes. We all care, look out and share tips with each other. This is a place where you can vent, ask questions do research whatever you need to help you get back to the you before pain ravaged your life. I think most of us feel like our body has turned against us. I wish I could tell you I know how to make it all better but I cannot. If I had that ability I would be out living life and not sitting here waiting for my medication to kick in and this ice pack to deaden the pain a bit. If you would like to share your health issues many of the group will probably chime in and share what gives them some relief. Other than an emotional sounding board I do not know which direction to guide you. Welcome to our group seriously. Please know that there are no topics off limits we talk about pretty much everything, without judgment and no haters.

Sep 17, 2015 5:41 PM

Welcome to the group, I am new here too and I've already become attached to this group 😆 For me support helped when I didn't have meds, support helps when you do have meds. Having a place to let it out helps a lot!
Thank you everyone for making this a safe place to be.

Sep 17, 2015 5:49 PM

I understand 100% about having just one good day. I beg and plead to have a day without pain where i can be "normal" again. There are so many days where i want to give up and stop fighting. But as a child of someone who took their life your kids will never recover from it. That is what stops me from going through with anything. It sounds like you don't have a good support system and this too i know. I got so desperate i wrote to every level of government for help. Keep yelling someone will hear you. And of you feel like you really are going to hurt yourself there is a number you can ring called the mental health triage 1300 874 243. Good luck.

Sep 17, 2015 6:01 PM

Hia i feel for you as all on here we know what its like and i feel so peed off that i have fibro plus other stuff & medz i take just take edge off i dont know what country ur from but in uk ur gp cannot refuse to refer u to a pain clinic where they will support u & try different medications to try & relieve some of the awful pain just a suggestion as my now ex wasnt supportive or get it can u take ur hubby to nxt dr appt? So the dr can explain how things are for u? & if dr rubbish find 1 that actually care's!! I must admit in uk even tho not all dr's etc get it some do may b research one that is good & not a fossil or anti drugs and we dont want to get high jeeez!! Just as pain free as we can its trial & error with any med but even tho lycra makes u gain a bit of weight i wouldnt b without it that & bupermorphine patches starts of low & u build up slowly its such a nasty thing is fibro but most of us have other conditions too or ask ur hubby to read info on here then he can see how others say how it is etc & u need a solid support sending you hugs hunni i too am in mega pain tonight but i dont have small children is must b doubly tough for u no matter how much we love our kids but u need to look after u too xx

Sep 17, 2015 6:03 PM

Fallen- that is the only reason I am still here. I could not be that selfish to my child. I am truly sorry that it was done to you. Pain does terrible things to how your brain functions. It takes courage to recognize it and ask for help. People feel like they will be judged and sadly many are judged. We all have to learn to not let pain define us. It is very difficult to do, asking for help. Suicide is easy, selfish but easy.

Sep 17, 2015 8:31 PM

I'm in the same boat. We can't afford health care, I have lil ones and my hubby doesn't understand. He gets mad at me. No one gets it. All this stuff runs in my family - cancer, thyroid disorders, immune disorders: lupus and stuff, fibro and RA and all kinds of others. My mom who has fibro and ra got mad at me this evening when she called to see how I was feeling and I told her I had no energy at all. I had open house at school to go to and hubby was home but didn't want to go; he had helped as much as he was going to help. Even tho I'm hurting and exhausted to the point of just curling up and crying he still expected me to make dinner and when I wanted to lay down for a bit to rest, he got mad at me. Ppl look at me funny and think I'm on drugs or faking or something. I'm 29 and it's not like I wanted to be like this. Now I can't eat any of the foods I love- bread, pasta, rice of any kind, I can't do gluten-free, potatoes, sugars and who knows what else. I know he's frustrated, I understand but, I have to live like this; im trapped in this body, he isn't.

Sep 17, 2015 8:40 PM

It is incredibly hard to find support when you are in pain and it isn't something someone can see. It wears you down to the point of where you cant focus on anything else. My mum and brother still think i am faking all of my issues. Not that i am but if i was i am sure i would have stopped given it has been going on for 5 years. It takes all the screaming you can muster to get help in this world and even then it comes at a cost. I'm in Australia and very lucky to have free health care. It does mean you are on very long waiting lists. I say keep your chin up but i think we all understand how much effort that takes. So i will tell you this. If you have kids just sit and watch them. Look at the greatest thing that any of us have ever done. We made life and carried it in these broken bodies. In my case it is what got me into this trouble in the first place but i don't regret it at all. We are all stronger than we probably credit ourselves and only a true warrior could endure the pain and suffering and still rise up.

Sep 17, 2015 8:42 PM

Thank you. It means so much knowing I'm not alone and that I have a support system.

Sep 17, 2015 9:08 PM

We are all here ....we all understand. ..most people think Im faking .....if they only walked in our shoes for 1min...

Sep 17, 2015 9:21 PM

LBroomfield, It is overwhelming to us all at times. You are not alone. Until you get the support team of doctors you need, please reach out to us, or a help hotline. Suicide is not the answer. Yes, it will relieve you of further pain, but only if you're successful. If not, you'll have even more pain. I know many who were unsuccessful and worse off. It is a selfish act, as others see it from the outside looking in. Yet from the inside it's an escape mechanism with no thought of selfishness by the desperate person, no thought of looking outside at those who will suffer later.

I know this because I've been on both sides of that fence. Decades ago I wanted to end my life because I had lost control, hurting someone I love dearly. I had no idea I was going through chemical imbalance of depression. I just felt overwhelmed, frustrated, alone, and easily angered. It was because my pastor recognized the emotional signs I was displaying and by things I said when he asked questions that I received much needed help.

And just last year I went through another chemically induced change to severe depression. My body was wracked with pain I couldn't control and all I wanted to do was die. I felt my family would be better off and less burdened. But I spoke to a doctor who sent me to a psych doc. They took me off the cymbalta (causing depression & increased pain), and put me on a med I had safely used 20+ years ago. Within 2 months I was much better. I didn't want to kill myself that time, I just couldn't care less if I died. That's called suicidal ideation, and it can lead to actually planning suicide because of desperation and feeling you have nowhere to turn. I have since found out I have a genetic defect that causes me not to metabolize B Vitamins and I have lots of problems with numerous meds. I have low serotonin which is very important with depression & pain levels, causing my depression, so I will be on antidepressants the rest of my life.

I'm now under a pain specialist and a rheumatologist and endocrinologist, along with psych. You need a good team of doctors to help you through. If a doctor isn't working out, find another one. Keep looking until you get the right ones.

I said I'd been on both sides of the fence, so here's the outside looking in. My neighbor, a good friend, whom everyone considered the happiest, most considerate person, committed suicide last month. No warning, other than he was out of work due to sudden insomnia. He took his son to college on Sunday, got up and went to work Monday. After his wife left he returned. She found him when she returned from work. It's haunted her, their children, all the family and friends, and neighbors. She's so angry at his actions, and so are his kids. Having been suicidal before I've been able to help my husband work through the loss of his friend without anger.

Having been on both sides, I could never escape from my physical pain, only to cause tremendous heartache and pain to those I would leave behind. You love God, and God loves you. He doesn't promise a perfect healthy life. He only promises to help us go through whatever burdens we must bear. And that help comes in the form of doctors, family, friends, all part of a support system. We are part of your support system. It has taken me well over a year to finally get my pain under fairly good control, though I'm flaring today. Don't give up. Let your love for your children, your husband, and God be your strength. And tale it one day at a time, one hour, one step at a time. We are here for you! Sending (((hugs))) and I'm praying for you. 🙏🌼

Sep 18, 2015 4:08 AM

LBroomfield, I am so very sorry for your pain and despair. I understand how you feel. It can be very overwhelming to be in pain every day and not getting any relief from it. I find that keeping in touch with this group of wonderful people helps me to keep moving forward. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I am at such a low point, I don't know how I'll carry on. Knowing that I am never alone and am in a community of loving, compassionate and wonderful people. I find that on days I feel really bad, I come here and check to see who needs my help. It makes me feel better to help others feel better and know they are not alone. I hope that you stick with us and that you get the support and comradery you are in need of. Your in my thoughts and prayers. 🙏🏻🌻

Sep 19, 2015 6:42 AM

Well said FlappysLady! I also used to think it was a selfish act until i walked a couple miles in my very own snazzy pair of suicide shoes. I have never felt that hopeless or lost and hope I never do again. I wish I had magic words to make things better for everyone, but the truth is I still deal with varying degrees of depression on daily basis. I just hope me posting helps you all the way your posts help me.


Warning: Vulgar Ranting Ahead

For all those people here who have shitheads in your life who don't support you in your time of need...Fuck Them!!!! How dare they make you feel bad and less of a person for what you're going through! I say cut them out of your life. I know they are family members or long time friends, but they sound like selfish assholes sucking what little energy and life you have and giving nothing in return. They don't deserve you!!! Give them an ultimatum and if they cant get on board then let them sink. Maybe you only see them at christmas. I am so angry on your behalf that you have to put up with this shit!! I know it wouldn't be as easy as im making it sound but i want you to fully understand that YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

Sep 19, 2015 9:24 AM

SweetSassy, There is so much power in what you say. This is truly taking control of who you have in your life. And we should only have the best people in our lives for our own good. Everyone should do this!

Sep 19, 2015 9:29 AM

For a little pick me up, check out my Lupus/Pain Board on Pinterest:
https://www.pinterest.com/SamHankNMe/lupus-life/

Sep 19, 2015 3:18 PM

SweetSassy: while I am not 'religious ' I am spititual , however in the case of your rant I give that a big 'Amen'. I found it very refreshing and exactly the way I feel. Apparently our feelings are exactly the same with regards to "shit heads" in our lives. Thank you for your rant. I know it was serious, but I admit I cracked up. For the most part I have flushed most of the terds from my life. I go with the old saying If you are not adding value to my life, I do not need you in my life. Hope everyone is having a lower than normal pain level this weekend.

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