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I don't need your help increasing my pain

Aug 25, 2015 1:38 AM

I need to rant! Please for give me for not being constructive.


while I wait on a court date for disability, my husband three children and I are living in the Mother-in-law-llaw quarters at my parents house. My sister and her daughter live her too. So the head count is 9. Yesterday I scolded my son.(8) He'd been playing with my daughter(5) and nice (9 3/4). The older two were playing in a manner that they could pick at and tease my daughter and she didn't know any better. My mother decided that I was out of line and she and my sister started in. I'm an unfit parent, I favor one child, I don't do anything, I'm lazy and sleep all the time, and so on. My sister wants to see my doctor because she feels that I lie to my doctor about what I do and don't do in the house. I'm tempted to allow this because I have told my doctor that I do very little, that I sleep far to often and to easily. The end result of this was that "you need to get a f%$&€#* job" you being me of course. And now I'm in full flare up. It's harder to let go of the anger and hurt when your in pain, because "they" put me into the pain. I'm trying. I try to walk away. I leave the house, I hide in my room. I know I cannt please them, only care because of how they ride me and I live in the same house. I'm stuck for now living here! They don't believe that there is anything wrong with me, but they continue to make me hurt more, sleep more take more meds. It's not for ever. Thank heavens for my husband and children who do their very best to understand, love and support me!

Aug 25, 2015 3:55 AM

I can understand where u r in a way. I don't have children and due to my illness I've lost m y home and my boyfriend his working in a different city trying to help make things better so I'm with my parents. Which in one way is good however my father has cancer and I normally and the go to child. However right now I'm in need of care. So yes. A few ofy family members care and are sensitive to what I'm dealing with. Even though we don't know fully what this is. But I to have to do things I know r gonna cause pain just to keep the peace. Its a hard place to be. Needing to care for yourself so you can be a productive member but not getting the support u need. I wish I had real answers for you. I'm looking for the same answers. The only thing I could offer is try to have a frank to the point conversation with your family. Explain as best u can your intent and what u desire to do and what u need from them and just pray there hearts are open enough to receive it. Also take your meds speak to your Dr and rest.

Aug 25, 2015 5:04 AM

Can you speak to your mother and sister separately? Maybe you could try to explain the spoon theory to them, modifying it to you personal situation. That the effort of listening to them having a go at you takes spoons away, let alone you defending yourself. I wish I could give you an easy answer that would solve it. Remember we are here to support you and are willing to let you rant if it helps you

Aug 25, 2015 10:04 AM

Debmedina, I'm sorry your family is unsupportive. By them jumping on you for scolding the 2 older kids for teasing the younger one, they're the ones playing favorites. I don't tolerate older grandchildren doing that to the younger ones. It's no different than bullying.

As for taking your sister to your appt, I say go for it. My hubby was less supportive until I made him start going with me, to multiple doctors. I told him he could ask or say anything. He put his foot in his mouth at several and got scolded by my docs, for thinking I could control what my illnesses were doing to my body. He felt pea sized! Lol. He is my biggest advocate now when others try to make negative comments. (((Hugs))) to comfort you and let you know, we all understand and are here to listen! 🙏🌼

Aug 25, 2015 11:26 AM

I'm sorry for the rant! I don't use Facebook as an outlet any more, and that was a wise decission. Thank you all for understanding. I'm going to send an email to the nurse at my dr. Office and ask if she thinks bringing my sister would be productive. Love and hugs to you all!

Aug 25, 2015 6:28 PM

I totally agree with flappys .. i never let my older kids pick on the younger ones either! It kinda sounds like your family is just looking for reasons to give you a hard time.

When I first read your post earlier today I thought "screw that! You shouldn't have to PROVE to other ppl your ill.. family or not.. shes ur sister not ur husband!!" It made me mad! But after reading Flappysladys comment about how it helped her husband understand better then maybe its not a bad idea if your ok with it.

I personally wouldn't be ok with it because I don't feel like I need to prove anything to anyone with regards to my health.. its my health..my private hell and none of thier gd business BUT I am not in the same situation you are either. All of my family is more than supportive so I'm very lucky in that respect. If my situation was like yours I would probably feel differently.

Whatever you decide I hope your family will learn to be more understanding and have some compassion for your situation and help you without being so unkind. It does create more stress and is hurtful and that just makes it all worse. I'm sorry for the struggles you are dealing with. Hope it gets better soon!

Aug 25, 2015 6:31 PM

If I lived somewhere else they're would be no discussion. But living here I need them to back off. I emailed my doctor.

Aug 25, 2015 6:38 PM

I know .. that's why I changed what my original thought on it was. Its so much harder for you because of the situation and I do hope it gets better for you! ((Gentle hugs))

Aug 26, 2015 10:38 PM

Doctor replied today!
Short version was You sisters opinion does not matter, bring her if you want to!

I don't want too! I looked for flights (because I live in North Idaho and my doc is in Seattle washington) and they're pretty cheep right now. I don't want to sit with her on the flight, fine could be done. Separate taxis, yes but the $$$$. I don't need her to go. I do however need her off my back so do I give in and take her??? No, I'm just going to hide out in my room and try not to see her until spring, when I'm moving away.

Aug 27, 2015 6:27 AM

I am inclined to agree with the doctor. Seriously if it was your spouse I could totally understand it. I'm also a little concerned that even if you bring her it won't help.

I am so sorry she is giving you such a hard time. All of the stress is only adding to your pain I'm sure and I truly wish I had some thoughtful insight on what you could do to make them understand.

Aug 27, 2015 9:38 AM

$&;@:$/ those family members...as long as you have your support from your own family is more than enough. I hope you can stay strong...speak your mind back at them, they are only picking on you due to the numbers in a household with that many people will definitely have a lot of tension.

You don't need to explain yourself to anyone!!! I know you have to live with them under the circumstances, but a time will come when they feel pain if age ever catches them. They don't know how lucky they are right now without pain. Karma will come for them one day and when it happens, they will reflect on how they treated you. Good luck!

Sep 03, 2015 10:02 AM

I'm kind of in the same situation, although I created it myself. My daughter, son-in-law, and 2 grandkids moved back in with us (they were only gone for 6 months). She is not a good parent and neither is he, so we are constantly parenting these kids, who are 3 and 4 years old. They are also slobs. In the meantime I have fibro, long term headaches, a brain tumor, and thyroid issues. There are constant arguments here about the kids, housework, and bills. It throws me into what I call episodes. I was going to ask as well, does anyone have skin pain? My skin will hurt to point where I can't where clothes! Anyway, I understand your situation completely. I'm also waiting on my disability, am in the final stage and plan to sell them the house and move, hence not just kicking them out.

Sep 03, 2015 11:01 AM

Reading this just make me want to cry. I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't have a lot of support either. I'm a single mom of two girls and even they don't seem to get that what I'm going through is hard. I've been homeless twice and had to live with family members, but all they did was talk about me and all I could do was shut up and listen. What could I do. I had no where to go. It hurts. So I came up with a plan to get me apartment based on my income so if I can't work I will at least have a roof over my head and apply for food stamps so I could eat. Some places even help with utilities. I don't have much, but my peace of mind is everything to me.

Sep 07, 2015 2:27 AM

Prbrooks - you are a strong woman! I'm sorry to hear what you have had to deal with. I've been lucky that if I ever needed family that way they would gladly take me in if possible and never treat me like that. Dealing with all that we do with is hard enough without others rubbing it in our faces and making our suffering worse. I'm happy to hear you were able to get your own space again free from that kind of stress.

((Hugs))

Sep 07, 2015 5:44 AM

I am so sorry ur going threw this u need support not grief!!! Stress as we all know makes it worse and i couldnt favour my grankids would b treated both the same!! I dont know where u live uk/usa but my ex nevee believed a thing until i took him to several appts!! I would speak to ur dr & see if at all poss if he could make a appt either at ur home or surgery & allow him to explain fibro to them and not allow them to interupt until he's finished what he has to say & sounds like flippin bullying to me ive always felt my parents favour my younger sister but ive nevee said anything dont sit on this or it will fester & resentments will start if they allready havet if u can try and get some quiet time if u can or go for a drive with hubby & breathe feel for you sending hugs xx

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