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I feel like a terrible wife

Apr 03, 2017 12:24 PM

I'm on disability and I'm in so much pain throughout the day there's not much I can do. My husband works 6 days a week and comes home and cleans and takes care of me. I feel like I'm a terrible wife because my husband shouldn't have to work twelve hours and then come home and clean. I don't know how to manage these feelings of guilt.

Apr 03, 2017 12:53 PM

Hi Britney. 😊 okay sweetie I understand that feeling but when you feel that way please remember this is not your fault And he is chosen this because he loves you and wants to do what he can . Plus because he is doing more then you feel he should . That means he doesn't blame you at all. Hang in there

Wish your family the best . Hugs 🤗s . Private message me if you want to talk.

Apr 03, 2017 12:55 PM

I know how u feeling .. fibromyalgia is killer u are lucky that u husband support you mine not that good I'm
Struggling to do things very painful every day anyway don't feel guilty he love you that what marriage is health sick vow tell
Him
How much u love him he will know :-) have a nice evening

Apr 03, 2017 2:05 PM

I know what you mean! I try to tell myself that I can't help not contributing as much as my husband. And I make sure to tell my husband how appreciative I am. The feeling of guilt won't dissapear overnight, but hopefully if we tell ourselves enough times that it's not our fault, and we do what we can, we'll actually believe it. Eventually......

Apr 04, 2017 3:00 AM

Thanks everyone

Apr 04, 2017 4:08 AM

I feel this everyday. I just make it a point to regularly apologize and my husband always says the same thing. "You don't have to apologize i love you" among other reasurances. And ive told him thankyou because i need to hear it often. The reminder usually lasts a day or two then i feel bad again. But hes constantly reasuring me. Its just part of our life now. I just need that. And he says it with meaning every time. Maybe try mentioning to your husband how bad you feel and how he feels about it. Ask him why are you ok with this and when he tells you everything thank him and ask him to just keep reminding you about that. It never sticks for me but my husband is so supportive. But i know how you feel especially we are a young couple. Im 22 and hes 25 and i feel like I'm wasting his life but i know he loves me.

Apr 04, 2017 10:29 AM

I feel this way, as well. It's a horrible feeling!

Apr 04, 2017 12:22 PM

I am the same way . It is so easy for us female to keep apologizing over and over but I know my hubby is frustrated with me doing that because he always ask me to stop and it is not easy . I have been married for 14 years . Got married when I was 20 . My point is . We all can get through this .

Apr 04, 2017 4:02 PM

We've gone through a mourning phase and acceptance phase. I can't do what I used to be able to do. My husband is very supportive and I am grateful. Yet I still feel guilty, inadequate at times. That's my issue That I have to work on. As hard as it is, I try not to dwell on it. My husband is gone 12-14/hrs / day. I want him to come home and hear about what's good in our lives, not what's bad.

Apr 04, 2017 5:06 PM

Notmyfault2. I understand that. 😊

Apr 04, 2017 7:59 PM

As a man i felt the guilt and my ego get crushed when i became disabled. I was raised old school, where the man in suppose to be the provider and treat his woman like a queen. I even did all the cooking and the grocery shopping. Well each year, as i slowly get worse, my wife has to do more and more. I feel like a lazy bum but she tells me she loves me and we are a team. She also tells me all the ways i can still help out to keep me feeling useful. The big revelation for me is when i thought to myself. What if the rolls were reversed? I would do everything and take care of her because i love her, and we are a team.

Apr 04, 2017 9:10 PM

Happytoseetheesunrise thank you so much for your input . 😊

Apr 05, 2017 5:25 PM

I am in the same boat. All you can do is all, you can do. Just be there emotionally and do any extra little things as you can. I constantly leave silly notes where he will find them throughout the day. Maybe an 'I love you big bunches' in his work bag. You never know where something might show up. I pack extra granola bars in his bags for the days that he is too busy to stop and eat. Just little thoughtful things and I always tell him how great full I am that he found me. On good days I cook extra and freeze it in mason jars so that on bad days we can still have home cooked meals. It is all about the little things. We usually cook large meals together on the weekends just for this reason.

Apr 05, 2017 6:34 PM

Britney,

You are not a terrible wife. I am not so different than me. I have the challenge of being touched and my husband is understanding and that is what is important.

Your husband is still with you from what I read, and that is the important thing.

Apr 06, 2017 11:12 AM

My 24 year old daughter and I have fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder. We both feel like this too.

We feel useless, worthless, unable to contribute in any way. We feel like we're horrible wives unworthy of the love and attention our husbands give us.

She is a professional artist that makes good money for her work. But her income is sporadic. She can't keep a usual job because of her dibbiltating fatigue and anxiety. But she does do housework when she feels up to it. And her husband is perfectly happy supporting them both and is happy with any contributions she makes.

I am in a similar situation except the money I bring in is from disability. I pay the rent and phone bill every month. But because I don't earn my money I feel like it doesn't count. I share the housework with my mother in law that lives with us. But I feel guilty when I think she's doing more work than I have.

But my husband is happy even if I haven't done anything all day. He works 40 hours a week and sometimes has to come home just to take care of me.

I tell my daughter and myself what I'm going to say to you:

You are worthy just being who you are. You are perfect and beautiful just the way you are. There is no one in existence like you. You are precious and unique. These are your gifts to the world. You can give this world something no one can, you perspective on life. You are all you need to be just the way you are. And that's how you contribute. I have faith you will discover your own personal way to give to this world in a way only you can.

Apr 07, 2017 12:05 PM

I dont have anything to share, but I felt exactly like this yesterday. Exactly.

Today, I am doing little things around the house for my self worth and to show him I care. Folding a little laundry. Vacuum 1 room. Clean 1 counter. Do what you can. No matter how small. I also realized that that laying in the fetal position watching glee was what I needed yesterday. Today, I am writing you from a hot bath. (self care, baby!) and I will go to the pharmacy to get my perscription. Then I will access if I have anymore spoons. Maybe you neef a few days of self care. But keep evaluating. Maybe challenge yourself just a tiny bit (like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill - Wiggle your big toe) and with curiosity see what you can and cant tolerate.

For me, not allowing myself to think in super long term helps. What can I do now? Today? How can I creatively improve my life/thinking? Hack it? Look up the term "wu wei."

You have no idea how close your post was to my experience yesterday. It's a little scary.

Apr 11, 2017 4:52 PM

I feel the same way. My husband is so understanding but in the back of my mind I'm always wondering how long....

Apr 11, 2017 8:51 PM

@CTSego. Having bipolar disorder is very hard. If you every need to talk. Private message any time 😊

Apr 12, 2017 9:10 AM

I feel this way too. Mornings are bad and nights are bad. I usually have a small burst of energy during the middle of the day but my husband is working. 😞. I try to think of different ways I can show my love and appreciation for him. Little notes, texts about how much I love him and appreciate all his hard work etc. I think the more appreciation we show them the better. Sometimes I'll drop off a cup of Starbucks unexpectedly to show my appreciation. If possible I try to have a hot meal for him when he walks in the door. If the tables were turned I know I would do the same thing for him. I know it's hard for them because they want to do SOMETHING to help us with our pain and exhaustion but they can't. Hang in there and just keep loving him. It's obvious he loves you and you love him. That's a blessing right there!

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