So... I saw doctors this summer and I did multiple blood tests to learn what caused my pain and everything came back negative(again). So my doctor sent me to a specialist that concluded that I had hypermobility in my joints(she checked some of my joint to see how far they could go and all), probably due by my lack of exercises and because I stay too much in front of the computer. And that's what caused my pain. (My jaw also has hypermobility according to my orthodontist and said I probably had TMD, but the doctor didn't check that and I forgot to talk to her about it) Sooo.. Now I guess I have nothing and everything is due because of me not being able to motivate myself to exercise when I don't have to.
I was really disappointed by the answer the doctor gave me. Even if it's cool that it seems to not be a serious condition and that, according to her, I could be fine after some time if I go see a kinesiologist and do more sport. I don't have anything, so why am I disappointed? Why am I not happy? I guess it's because, now, I feel like my pain is my fault you know ? That the pain that made cry and made me suffer for 4 years is not valid anymore and that I don't deserve any help whatsoever. I feel like I can't complain and that I should just shut up and continue to suffer as a punishiment. I also feel like I wasted the time of everyone for nothing. And I guess that it made me hate myself more.
P.S.: One thing I forgot to tell the doctor is that the pain began at least near the end of highschool in my knee(maybe even before that but hey, I have a really bad memory and I don't remember a lot of my highschool and anything before that.) and that continued to do physical education in college because it was mandatory, so I did some sport, like a 'normal person'. I told this to my kinesiologist tho, but she dismissed it, so I guess it doesn't really matter ?
P.S.#2: Some of the reasons I never did much exercise and all is because of undiagnosed social anxiety(my social worker and my doctor are pretty sure I have it tho) and 'depression'(between ' because I don't know if it's that, bipolar disorder or anything else)... But I guess it's not an excuse..
edit: So I went and checked the symptoms for Hypermobile EDS and I saw joint dislocations and subluxations ? I'm not sure how to know if I had that so I checked of that feels like and I may have minor ones? Could any of you tell how it feels for you?