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i hate insomnia

Jul 18, 2015 2:54 AM

Besides the Fibro, anxiety, panic attacks, major depression, and migraines, I've had two total knee replacements in 2011. I can't sleep at night no matter what I take, melatonin, Zquill, soothing or calming teas, my meds that are supposed to make anyone drowsy, I find myself tired and falling asleep on the couch, but as soon as I get into bed I toss and turn for hours. I'm afraid to take more meds for fear of overdosing. So I try prayer. Sometimes it works, most nights it doesn't. So I'm up most of the night and napping during the day when I should be taking care of my kids, they are 14 and 11. I feel like such a failure as a mom. My son takes care of me when I'm in really bad pain. It should be the other way around. I feel like such a failure.

Jul 18, 2015 10:16 AM

Dalyaya, Your need to sleep in the day, and have your son help you does not make you a bad mom! When my youngest was less than 2, my 6 year old helped me out during the days if I was still sleeping when the baby whole, of when I had neck surgery and couldn't lift her out learn down to change her. Big sister taught baby sister to climb on the bed or sofa and brought the diapers and wipes to me. Kids are more resilient, and they learn compassion and independence through helping others in their families. As long as parents aren't deliberately using a child to do everything because they don't want to be bothered with getting up to do so (I've got several family members who abuse asking their children to do so & so), then there is no possibility of being a bad parent.

I've suffered from insomnia for over 10 years. Up until 2014 I was using Ambien every night. It was the only way I could go to sleep and the last 1-1 1/2 years on it the doors was increased and towards the end it needed increasing again. I was dependent on it! It wasn't working anymore and I was getting frustrated, moody and angry easily. My psych doc weaned me off of it using Pamelor/Nortriptyline (antidepressant) & Melatonin (started at 6mg/night, lowered to 3Mg/night). It was a 4 month process for my body to adjust. At the beginning of the year my insurance changed so I went back to my first psych doc. He was shocked to learn the other doc, nor my primary doc had run blood levels of the Pamelor, and over a four month period he ran the blood tests and increased my meds 3x of the original dose. Pamelor/Nortriptyline affects the natural Serotonin in the brain, which affects sleep. For the past 3 months I've only had 3-5 insomnia nights each month. The psych doc told me to break a 3mg melatonin in half of take a while tablet on nights like that. Maybe your doc could check the levels of your meds, or maybe the serotonin level. I now how non sleep affects your all around well being. Hugs & prayers you'll be able to find a method of getting more & better sleep soon! 🙏🌼

Jul 18, 2015 10:21 AM

Dalyaya, first let me start by saying that you are NOT a failure!! You have illnesses that render you unable to function at their will, not yours. I have the same problem. I also am up most of the night and spend my days exhausted and down in the dumps. It's a horrible feeling. I love upstairs from my folks and Dad just turned 86 so there is a lot I need to do for them including driving to appointments. Explain what is happening to you to your children. Let them know that you will always be there for them and love them and when you're not well, you don't want them to think they are not your priority. There is only so much that you can do when your hurting so badly or having a panic attack. Anxiety and depression can be dablitating. I know because I suffer from both and am going through menopause. I will keep you in my prayers that you are able to find some resolution or at least some relief. All the very best to you and remember... You're NOT a failure. 💕🙏🏻🌻

Jul 18, 2015 3:35 PM

Dalyaya,
Just know you're not a failure. My sis and I are the same ages as your kids, and our parents both have many types of chronic pain. We still love them and it's still really nice to have them around, even if we have to take turns taking care of each other. My dad is still there for emotional support.

He gets migraines a lot, and sometimes he can't even move. He's done a lot of jobs. He's done construction, real estate, car sales, instrument repair, foreign exchange trading, taxi driving and more. My dad needs sleep to do anything, and if that means sleeping during the day that's okay.

Hang in there.

Jul 19, 2015 6:09 PM

You're not a failure! In fact, the opposite, you get up and you carry on every single day for your children, despite the lack of sleep. As has been said above, they learn compassion from caring for someone. You're their mum, I'm sure they wouldn't have it any other way.
On the sleep front (or lack of it) I tried going to sleep tonight a bit earlier for a change, I had nightmares and woke up crying and shaking. Now it's past midnight and my kids get up at 6am, I can't stop the tears or wipe my mind of what happened in the nightmares.
I haven't left my flat since Friday evening, because of being so drained.
Gentle hugs ♥

Jul 20, 2015 12:55 PM

You're not a failure. Your expression of guilt proves that. I'm sure your children understand that you're in pain and they know you love them.

I've been struggling with insomnia since 2004. I've had succes with some drugs- at least they render me unconscious- but I've learned that drugged sleep is not refreshing. I feel hung over after I've woken up and it takes hours to feel like a person again. I sleep walked on Ambien and got many strange side effects from other meds (I have a horrible relationship with drugs.)

Muscle relaxers have helped the most but I still only get 2 to 4 hrs of sleep per night. Once in a while I crash after long periods of little sleep. Then I'm out for a very long time. The doc at the sleep clinic said "Maybe you just don't need sleep." How absurd. I'm losing faith in doctors.

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