I don't know if any of you are comfortable doing this. But I see your profile names and your kind comments in support of me and others but sometimes I would like to know a little more about the person behind that profile name. So what I was thinking. Is maybe for us new people, all of us could introduce ourselves, tell us about what state or country we are from, what are pain is caused by, what we used to do as in employment or in caring for a home, maybe some of the things we wish we could do if it wasn't for these limitations. I don't think anybody ever ask us what we want to be doing with our lives. Maybe we could tell about are family structure and if you feel supported by them. I wasn't thinking like we talk bad about our families but about how do we feel we get any support from them. It would help know more about each other and how we can be there for each other. These are just some ideas. I am not trying to get anyone to share anything they don't want. I just thought it would be nice to put an emotional and factual face behind these kind and caring people who have been there for me. I thought maybe it could be a way for us to know each other better and maybe be supportive based on what we know about you. Don't get me wrong. I love the support that I get now. I just want to be there as best I can by getting to know you all. I don't want to ask anybody to share anything they are not comfortable with or to share anything if they don't want to. I really hope I don't offend anyone by asking to do this. It is just an idea.
If anyone wants to do this fine. I will go since I suggested it. I am profiler. I am 45 years old tommorow. That makes me sad. I wanted to do more with my life by that age. I became disabled by fallIng off a ladder 20 ft. That was the most traumatic event in my life thus far. It took my foot off. Correction, it took most of it off most of it off except the important part that kept me from bleeding out. The vein stayed connected and a tiny amount of skin. It took 8 surgeries to get my foot to finally connect. In the end, they did an arthrodesis so I am not able to bend my ankle or foot and I immediate had arthritis a month later. Because they had to debri a little bone each time they did another surgery, I lost an inch of my leg. Because of my fall, after the ankle snapped off, I landed on my back and couldn't sit for two or three months. The pain I had if I slightly sat on my butt was a seven and would jolt my whole body. They said my back was fine. That I had no reason for pain. I told them they were missing something. They didn't do MRI. Oh yea, they couldn't, they installed metal hardware in my leg and foot. At the time, I had my own business called Clear View Window Cleaners and a sales job with Cellular One. I loved both jobs for different reasons. I had the business first. I liked it because is liked selling our service. I thought everyone needed their windows cleaned and most people hate it. Having them done professionally is such a difference in how clean your window looks. Plus it is a real treat to the customer. They feel spoiled for not having to do it themselves. I loved the end of the job. Not the part of getting paid even though I liked that. But I loved the part when the customer looked out the window and they were so happy. They would say things like they have never looked so clean. But I liked when they would say that they were never able to see the colors of the outside world the way they do with the cleaned windows. And it looked like it was going to add to their job. You felt like you just improved their outlook in life. I know that sounds silly but that is the way. But that is the way they acted. Then I loved my cellular job because I think it is an awesome product to sell. I could never sell something I don't believe is good or honest. A lot of the other sales reps just sold the phones by saying they had service in these counties. But in the area I lived, there was a lot of dead areas. The others would not mention it but before I let them sign a contract, I let them know where they didn't have service but I usually sold them because I told them most people don't get phones for using around their phones but when they travel. Because I was known for being honest, I was the top salesman. I am sorry if that doesn't sound humble. I was just pointing out the reason. It wasn't me. It was because I didn't tell them something untrue diliberately. So, I guess my success in theses jobs brought me much joy in my life. I continued working after the accident because I didn't want to displease or disappoint my boss. I was addicted to being appreciated. I have never had a job where I wasn't appreciated as a hard worker. I was flexible and would learn every position. I would work someplace and then when they would don't longer appreciate me I would move onto another job. Like I said I was addicted to being appreciated. I always needed to be approved them since I never got to my parents. But then it came to a point that I realize that I could no longer work because I could not handle the pain of working. So I just stopped and when I'm disability. I really regret that decision. I feel since then everything has gone downhill. Since then, my house is gone downhill.
Besides feeling successful in my job. The other success that I have had is in my family. I have come from a broken family. My father was abusive with me when he was not with the other children. I think that is why I have felt like a bad Person on my life. But I took everything that I did not have in my family, and I change that. And I gave my family everything that I did not have. I shower them with love. I feel my children are my large success. I have praise them and love them and respect them. They have grown up feeling good about themselves and knowing that they have been loved. I think that is a real hard job as a parent. It seems there is so many hardships on children when it comes to those around them. So many precious put up on them. So many people can make them feel bad about themselves. My sister was sexually abused twice while she was living in our home when we were children. I vowed to protect my children from that so that they would not turn out as destructive as my sister had and hated herself the way she has. It was really hard but I am happy that my children love themselves. And most of all. I have taught them to love God. I have taught them to think about how they make him feel with the decisions they make and the action to take.
My family is very supportive of me when it comes to my illness and pain. While I don't think that they are there for me emotionally, they are there for me physically. My children are very concerned about me whenever I am not aware of things. Because of my pain medicine and my sleep apnea, there are times that I am not aware of my surroundings and behave like I'm drunk. During this times while standing up. This concerns my children very much. They are constantly making sure that I am awake. If I am not, they make sure that I get to bed. During those times, I will wake up and try to get to the bed but fall asleep before I get there. So they make sure that I do in fact get into the bed. They drive me to my appointments when I need help. My wife will practically not let me do anything. I don't like that sometimes. There are many times that she doesn't feel good. I don't like that she puts my bad health above her own. I was never one who wanted to be first place in someone's life. I always wanted to put other people first. So it is hard for me to be taken care of. Especially since I've taken care of her and helped her a good many years when she suffered severe depression and was unable to do the daily things of life.
I would like to now try to move forward and get past this agoraphobia. I would like to go outside on a regular basis and visit nature and go take pictures. I have always wanted to write a book. A Mystery novel. I do think I have the ability. But the one thing that is really important to me, I would like to get back to church. I would like to yep back and see my friends. And most of all to have an active share and worshiping my God. I miss that. I miss the public discourses. It is something that would make me feel good about myself. Those of the things I would like to you again and to do those new goals. So that is a little bit about me. Actually this is a book. I hope I have a shared things about me so that you know me better. I hope it doesn't turn you off. I don't think I'm a great person. According to my mother, and in her will, she said that I was incapable of love. So maybe that is what is wrong with me. But at least you all like me so far. I'll try to keep it that way. No matter how much it's not me. Take care guys