I'm sorry but I just need to vent and I'll apologise now for my spelling and grammar I'm just too tired to care atm!
Most people I know don't suffer with chronic pain or anxiety and depression but I know one person he has perferrated and slipped discs and he had cancer in his bladder which was cut out last year. He went into severe depression last Christmas because of all the pain and his girlfriend left him along with several other reasons and over that time I was messaging him everyday to find out how he was, I talked him thro many panic attacks and talked him out of taking too many tablets and if he ignored me I'd call my uncle who is one of his best mates to check on him as I live over an hours drive away plus I've got my two kids to look after and they are my priority.
Since then I convinced him to go to the doctors to get medication etc.... and there have been times that he's started to slip backwards and I've talked him round to going back to the doctors etc....
There's been time that I've needed help and he's come over like when I had a flat tyre and he's helped me cut the garden back. All thro the year he's said if it wasn't for me he'd no longer be here and I've told him I've only done what I would do for any friend in need. We talk a lot so he knows that I'm in a really bad place at the moment and I've been a bit snappy, unfortunately I can't help it sometimes I'm in soo much pain, I'm so frustrated with my completely irrational an exit and I'm so so so tired. He messaged earlier in the week asking how I am, I was a bit snappy and replied "in pain, anxiety high and absolutely knackered, what's new" and his reply was "sainsburys have a special offer on a new chill pill" this made me upset and I responded that I had never said anything like that to him so why the f*#@ respond like that, why brush me off? His response was that he'll leave me alone for a while to give me time to calm down and he hasn't messaged me since. Now I feel that the one person who I've told how I feel probably as much as I've told the doctors has let me down, I've messaged him a couple to say hi and he's read them but not responded.
It feels like now that he's getting back on track....he's on meds that seem to be helping him he's gone back to his girlfriend and started to get back to his normal social life he doesn't want to be there for me.....don't get me wrong I happy he's getting back to his self but it would be nice to have him say it's ok, you'll work it out and if I'm really bad and need someone to listen and understand not anything else no words just to listen.
I just feel soo tired, so so so very tired and I just want to go to sleep and not feel anything not struggle not have to battle my way thro everything and not have to constantly have to fight to do even the simplest tasks. I just want to shutdown