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I'm at a loss for words right now...please respond.

Dec 05, 2015 7:11 AM

Hello everyone, its been quite a few days since I've been here but I see you guys have been very busy when I see all the post here now. I hope I don't get lost in the shuffle.
My week actually the last two weeks have been hell.(sorry for language ) however right now ...............
OK..I'll just start, first my health and mental status has been in the pits. Insurance woes was my last post whichbis still a real issue. Then as if I did not have enough to deal with my mom has to have emergency heart surgery. So the last 48 hours are a blur.
It started by mom having a cold her general Dr sent her in for a bunch of test. She ended up having a five hour stress test. The next day Dr called and said come in asap. Her appointment was at noon by 2pm she was being admitted by 4 she was in surgery. Ended up.having four stents placed in the right side of her heart full blockage plus three other areas were partially blocked.
On top of that my dad who has two cancers who was at home alone. Having to organize a group of people to go look after him while me and my sister were at the hospital with mom. It was truly awful.
Thankfully mom is home now and the real work.begins to get her to rest and not stress over day to day stuff. And all the while me being at the helm now to care for two elderly parents. While dealing with abdominal tumors and fibromayalgia. My pain is off the charts but yet can't stop can't let on that I'm in pain. My uncle who also has fibromayalgia could see my pain and pulled me to the side and reminded me to not forget about myself. It's hard to put yourself ahead of family especially parents. I've found myself being very short tempered and kind of bossy since mom has been home
Dad really pulls on mom for all his care so I've had to tell him that he is gonna have to help us by helping himself. I mean he can do some things for himself but mom never lets him care for himself.
This is just an unbelievable time of testing I have no idea how this is gonna play out.
I'm just needing so much help fr anyone from everyone...I just need..........

Dec 05, 2015 8:31 AM

Newfibrogirl, I am so sorry that it has been such a whirlwind of negative occurrences. You certainly have had your hands full. I am glad that you came to us. As I said in your other thread, we're here with open arms and hearts to give you whatever support you need to get through these difficult times. It's understandable to be short and bossy. I'm sure down deep the thought of being at the helm and taking care of both of your parents is frightening. You said you can't let them know you're in pain. (Yes you can). Your Uncle is right, you can't forget about yourself. You need to take the time with your parents during a calm and quiet moment and sit down and talk to them. Just let them know that you love them very much, that you will do everything you can to make them comfortable and help them. Then, you need to let them know that if Dad helps himself a bit, it will take some pressure off of you and Mom needs to rest and NOT try to do everything for Dad because she needs her rest and that if they do this, it will be less pressure for ALL of you. It can run like a well oiled machine but not if you don't chat with them and lay out some sort of system that works for all of you. It's going to be ok. It really will be. Just remember that if you don't take care of yourself and you get weak or sick then you're not going to be able to help anyone. If you have a bad day, let them know. Tell them your sorry if you seem short or bossy but YOU are having pain or are exhausted, etc. You WILL get through this with our help and with the Grace of God, you'll be able to do this. Remember to keep the lines of communication open. Be honest about how you feel, you will see that they will respond as they don't feel well either. Know that your pain family is here, at all times, if you need to let off some steam. Sending you lots of love, gentle {{{Hugs}}} and prayers to help you find some peace and strength to move forward through this process. Hang in there, Hon, you got this!! 💕🙏🏻🌻😊

Dec 05, 2015 9:08 AM

Sorry I haven't been around lately, so I'm going to try catch up also. Fibro girl I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this at once. Taking care of elderly parents is a fine line that you have to walk with them. I had to care for our Mother. She had Dementia so we couldn't reason with her. Thank goodness that is something you don't have to do your parents will be able to meet you half way if you keep the lines of communication open like Alwayz said. Just sit down with them at a quite time and explain to them. I believe that they will be troopers and do everything that they are able to do to help you so that you don't get overwhelmed and get sick. As parents we always want to take care of our children if they are sick no matter how old they get. We are hear for you when you need us to listen. I pray that all goes well and that you get some rest also. Sending love and hugs your way.

Dec 05, 2015 10:54 AM

Newfibrogirl, I know it's hard to be taking care of 2 elderly prople , especially if your in pain yourself. Let me give a tip,..your Uncle is right, make sure you take care of you too. I've been taking care of 5 people, myself include. I have learned that a baby monitor with the cameras work wonder's! You can relax and still be able to keep an eye on them and be able to hear what's going on. Today is one of those really really bad pain days and the day I let the monitor's work to my advantage, because you can hear what's going on and be able to help them when they call. So rest easy and like Alwayz said keep the lines of communication open. Praying for you my friend!

Dec 05, 2015 6:34 PM

Thank you guys for your words a d advice. I'm gonna have a talk with uncle about helping me and my sister get some help with my parents. So we can get a break. My sister mentioned to me today about moving back in with my parents. I already live here. Ioved back in April. She has said that no one expects me to do it alone. Which I'm glad to hear because I was feeling like I was doing g it alone for a while .

Dec 05, 2015 8:02 PM

Newfibrogirl that's awesome!! That had to take a weight off your shoulders and make some of your anxiety disappear. Stay strong, remember to voice what is happening with you when you need to and know that your pain family is ALWAYS here to help you through when you need it. {{{Hugs}}} 💕🙏🏻🌻😊

Dec 05, 2015 9:42 PM

Alwayz. Yes..it did make me feel a lot more validated. Actually.. Tonight was a prime example to me that having an extra hand is great. I had a bad reaction to a my meds tonight. My sister was still here and I was still trying to take care of myself and met her get a break. Long story short. I went into bad stomach cramps exsseive sweating tremors and all the other unpleasant stuff. And she was able to help me out buy bringing me my anti meds. ( anti naesuea anti diarrhea).. And she helped finish up with getting my dad settled. And still stayed til my pain subsided.. I have to say it was very nice to not feel alone.

Dec 07, 2015 6:28 PM

Newfibrogirl, I'm sorry to just be reading this. I hope your mother is recuperating well. I can't really added any more advice, other than your uncle is so right. You do have to take time for you. I'm speaking from experience.

Up until last year my dad wasn't letting any of my siblings help out with him and my stepmom, except the baby sister. He did so because he has us as POA's. Unfortunately she's still raising preteens, and wasn't available most of the time, so it was falling on me. It seemed I was spending more time at their home than at mine, 1 1/2 hours away. As his health, and hers, was declining, so was mine. He has bad knees (1 TKR already) & 2 bad shoulders, plus mental decline that was dx as Alzheimer's this year, so he wasn't much help grocery shopping and such, so it fell on me (30-45 min one way to any store/doctors, etc). Then he needed shoulder joint replacement. I was headed for a physical & mental breakdown from being overburdened, and told them I could not do it all myself, that it wasn't fair to me. They started allowing my siblings to help, temporarily. Now they don't ask any of us for help. But it's because they're not wanting to impose on us. They know I'm no longer able to drive long periods. At times in worse than they are. And it years me apart I can't help them more. But now my dad says I need to take care of me.

Do what you can and allow, or even ask for help from others. Otherwise you can become overwhelm and your health will suffer. The one thing I made sure of when I was helping so much in 2013-2014 was to make a schedule and stick to it as close as possible. Take breaks, even if it's only 10-15 minutes. Good luck, God bless, and I'll continue to pray for all your family! 🙏🌼

Dec 07, 2015 7:49 PM

Thanks flappys... Yes she is doing well . just very shaken by the whole thing. She is actually resting with brief moments of forgetting she just had heart surgery. But when her chest get tight she remembers..ha... But between me and my sister we keeping her calm and we r interjecting some helpful tips for her to help change her ways as far as being a super women.. It's gonna be hard but she will get it. The hardest thing will be to get my dad to become more independent. He is capable of way more but my mom is an ole school wife. Do all for your husband. Make his plate clean his house do whatever he needs done.
But she is realizing that she can no longer do all she was and that she will have to accept help

Dec 07, 2015 7:50 PM

...Sorry... Muscle spasms.. Lol..but I was gonna say also. That I've missed you. How are u after your fall a few days ago. Is your pain under descent control?

Dec 12, 2015 1:27 PM

When my first stepmom passed away my dad asked me and my girls to come every other week to help clean the house and such. I had his laundry done and he said, "she use to iron creases in my jeans. Can you do that?". I looked at him and said, " ironing is the worst chore ever invented by man. I'll gladly iron your dresses shirts and pants, but I'm not going to iron your jeans. " She was "old school" too. My new stepmom told him the same thing I did! Lol.

I'm praying for you to have strength, patience, and boldness with both your parents. Sometimes it's very hard doing what we, as children, must do. They don't like their children boarding them and deciding for them. (((Hugs)))!! 🙏🌼

Dec 12, 2015 1:39 PM

I'm sorry you have had to cope and deal with everything newfibrogirl. I can understand your uncle saying not to forger about yourself; because that's what we do. Our flare ups get worse, tempers shorter but we worry about family first.

Dec 12, 2015 3:04 PM

Anniesgt.. Yes..I feel so bad that I'm so snappy..I've been uo for goi g on two days now and I've still got to go grocery shopping now that mom is home from the hospital now thankfully. Both mom and dad are pushing my nerves. And they both got sleep last night. So im like y'all sit down and be quiet. Ha. Yeah I know that was mean. Iapologize. I'm hopeful my other family members will co.e through and help out

Dec 14, 2015 9:59 PM

Your going to be snappy some of the time and that's ok. Your tired and in pain they need to realize that too. You are just like your mom trying to be super woman. Try to remember to just breathe. My favorite saying that I say to myself all the time. I too try to be like my mom who is also a superwoman. Guess the apples don't fall far from the tree. You can't do it all. Please rest and take care of yourself.

Dec 15, 2015 4:13 AM

Thanks everyone for your advice tips and kind words of support. It's not like I never thought I would have to one day help my parents due to health. But I never thought I would also be In. Need of help due to health. Living the life I am. Iw with all the pain and uuncertainty us awful and now in top two parents who want what they want and want it now...its hard..I have hopes that my mom's health is not a fatal one she us just gonn have to learn to slow down which is the issue. But I'm gonna have to start now with setting boundaries for myself and them so everyone knows where not to cross.again thank you all.

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