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I'm not depressed, but.....

Jun 27, 2019 3:05 AM

I'm not depressed, but I want to die.
I lay in bed trying to sleep, searching for some escape from the agonising pain but instead all I can feel is the burning, hounding, paralizing pain, gnawing at me.
I can't sleep, I can't sit, I can't just lay down without this pain.
I want to be pain free or die.
I'm so grateful Australia now has legalised voluntary euthanasia. At least I know if I get worse I can always opt out of life with some dignity!
I'm sorry to be so negative!

Jun 27, 2019 6:46 AM

Hi Kat pain if you need some one any one I’ll chat with you ... hug I can leave you messasge on here .
I try not to think that way bc, I have a great future on my way a head if me. I’m Engaged September 6 2020.
I’m also going to follow up dr July 27 I’m think and my fiancé says minim invasive ? Surgery maybe next.
I keep think this maybe it will help me with my back and leg pain in the long run.
I hope that you feel differently and get less pain so you won’t feel the way you are now , I’ll be praying for you ok )) We all will here . Hug gently Shore ❤️🦋❤️🌈🌈🙏I hope that you feel better this weekend later

Jun 27, 2019 10:52 AM

Katpain, I'm so sorry you are hurting with so much pain. I have been where you are and truly understand. Over a 6 month period (2012-2013) my pain level ramped into overload all over my body. It wasn't until I was at a rheumatologist appt and she asked if I was suicidal that I admitted to her, "I can say I do not want to take my own life, but if I could die it would be relief from the pain.". The doc turned and looked directly at me and after asking a few questions about when my pain started worsening and what meds I was on she told me to start weaning off the Cymbalta I'd been put on (she wrote down the med schedule to taper off). Coming off the Cymbalta was a lifesaver and it did reduce my all over body pain! She explained that many meds can cause pain increase as well as psychological changes; "suicidal ideations" as she termed my thoughts of wanting to die. I have never experienced anything like I did with the Cymbalta, and I hope never to again! Now I research every medication's side effects so that I'm aware of possible reactions beforehand.

You should speak to your doctor(s) and let them know how bad your pain is and how you are feeling. It may not be medication related. But if you're doctor(s) don't know this is happening then they don't know how to help you. Sending you hugs love and prayers that you can get a doctor to help get your pain under control! 🙂❤🙏🌼

Jun 27, 2019 3:57 PM

Thank you both for your response.
I have told my Dr over and over how much pain I'm in. I've been on and off every medication known to man! (however the strongest opioid the Dr will give me is Tramadol).
I've even told my Dr when I'm depressed and properly suicidal. All I get is a referral to a psych and more meds.
I cannot afford to go to the psych anymore.
I also have bipolar, so I take mood stabilisers.
It's simply the pain.
It gets so bad some days I just can't fathom feeling it for another second.
I want to live, but pain free.
I can deal with all the other problems in life, I have experienced so many, but this excruciating, ongoing pain I cant.
What really gets me is my Dr won't try me on stronger meds such as Oxycontin or fentanyl because he's worried I'll become addicted, when he should be more worried that I'm willing to die.
Oh well.

Jun 27, 2019 4:07 PM

Hi can’t you get a second opinion? I sure do hope so . Hug gently Shore🦋🦋

Jun 27, 2019 4:12 PM

Yeah, I've been to numerous Dr's and specialists. It's the money that's the biggest problem.
My GP is free, my specialist is $300.
The last time I saw the specialist he had tried everything he could and simply put me back on my 'regular ' meds.

Jun 27, 2019 4:14 PM

Hi I’ll pray for you hug ) 🦋🦋❤️🌈🙏I’m going to a picnic thing at 5 but I’ll be home later )) have a nice one ☝️ .. Shore

Jun 27, 2019 4:25 PM

Thank you, very kind.
Enjoy your day xx

Jun 27, 2019 4:34 PM

Hi you to if you need me tonight I’ll try and answer or just chat 💭 . After I’m home around 9 or so hug gently and your truly Welcome friend 🦋❤️🌈🤗 Shore

Jun 27, 2019 4:40 PM

Hi btw Im still nervous for my up come follow up back dr visit on the July 17 but I’m dealing with it.
I have you guys and my fiancé and everyone here where I live to helping me out ty much ..
But now my fiancé procedure is July 11 an overnighter for his leg right one..
But he said he’d be there for me to on the 17 )))) like he says we are there for each other helping out))
Hug gently 🙏🙏🙏🌈❤️later xxx Shore

Jun 28, 2019 8:09 AM

katpain, ask your GP to let you try a mild muscle relaxer along with gabapentin at bedtime (my orthopedic surgeon prescribed Baclofen & gabapentin for me due to my nighttime pain increase, especially causing cramps in the muscles), and it helps. I'm allergic or super sensitive to so many pain meds that I & all my doc's are leary about trying stronger ones other than Tramadol (even too much of it causes itching!). That's why the Ortho doc decided to try the Baclofen and gabapentin (after the 2 different sleep studies showed pain to be my sleep enemy). I don't get great sleep, but it has improved much more than I use to get. I also take between 6-10 mg of Natrol melatonin every night & average 5-6 total hours of sleep-wake-sleep...per night. I still have a couple of nights where I get 0-3 hours sleep, usually on my worst pain nights. See if your GP would be willing to try a muscle relaxer. The fibromyalgia muscle pain I have is responding to it. Hugs love & prayers you have a good weekend! 🙂❤🙏🌼

Jun 28, 2019 12:16 PM

Thank you for your input.
I do take Valium, and it does help slightly. Unfortunately it's only good for when I don't have to do anything plus I have to use it sparingly as its a medication the Dr's don't like to prescribe.
I've tried gabapentin, clelebrex, lyrica, and numerous other meds.
These days I'm on low dose naltrexone, Valium, naproxan and tramadol for the fibro.

Jul 29, 2019 9:13 PM

Pain will cause depression as does pain meds. Chronic pain needs to be managed holistically. Its very hard to do though. It is a full time job on its own. A very difficult job at that. Good luck

Jul 30, 2019 10:17 AM

Katpain, doctors can only prescribe so many meds a month on anxiety and pain meds. That's why it's important to find ways to help you cope through the pain. Be open-minded and try out various options, including dietary changes and homeopathic approaches. Good luck!

Groggy, you are right in that. I've changed my diet to less sugar and inflammatory foods, and feel better for it in general. Nighttime is when I need my meds though; seems my daily pain I can chug through until bedtime and then it's like wham! My sleep doc said it has a lot to do with trying to lay still and quie,t so my mind only has my body to focus on, and the pain is worse (from daily activities). My Ortho doc's NP recommended a homeopathic doctor to replace my old PCP, so I'm searching around.

Hugs love & prayers to all! 🙂❤🙏🌼

Aug 02, 2019 6:30 AM

Thank you for your input.
I've broken my arm now! Oh boy, fun and games.
Now on extra amounts of meds.
Might take the focus off my neck pain mind you!
Also, I do meditation alot, mindfulness, tapping and natural remedies.
I've tried everything I can afford treatment wise including acupuncture and hypnotherapy.
Unfortunately finances stand in the way of getting most treatments, especially now I'm unemployed completely.
Thank you though, I'm trying to keep positive!

Aug 02, 2019 3:34 PM

Wow, so very sorry to hear about your severe pain problem. Like others I too have been there. Last winter my nerve pain was so severe in my legs, for the first time ever I prayed if it were Gods will he would take me. I told my Rheumatologist and she increased my Gabapentin a lot and my Percocet to 3 times a day. No one can truly understand the personal hell we experience at times unless it is someone who has truly been there. My heart goes out to you. Like FlappysLady mentioned in one of her responses, tell your doctor and if they don’t listen get another opinion. I understand your financial situation. My husbands meds and mine are such we’re always in the doughnut hole where we have to pay 40% of the cost of all our meds by the fall. It’s devastating! Having to choose between meds or food or heat. I see your from Australia 🇦🇺 I’m from USA 🇺🇸 in Pennsylvania up north/east. What type of insurance do you have? I couldn’t tell, but what is your diagnosis? Mine are a lot of spinal problems/ auto immune, arthritis pain, DDD, stenosis etc etc... Keep trying and hang in there my friend. You are in good company. Feel free to rant if it helps you. We all are here for you. You don’t have to endure this alone. Please look into other pain options. USA is under a Opiod Epidemic and many of our doctors are afraid to prescribe or limit pain meds. Sending you 🤗 and hope 🦋 for a better tomorrow. 🙏💕💐

Aug 06, 2019 7:17 AM

Hi Painwarrior,
Thank you for such a kind message.
Here in Australia we pay medicare in our taxes each year and are therefore provided with some necessary and almost all emergency health services.
For example I broke my arm in a fall on Wed. I pay an ambulance insurance each year (thankfully) so I was rushed to the emergency department in hospital and by Saturday I had been operated on.
I will have numerous appointments at the hospital including more X-ray's and CT's and more surgery.
All it cost me out of pocket was the prescription for pain killers that they sent me home with ($15 approx!)
On the other hand, I have a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, bulging discs and stenosis. Medicare rebate a small amount of cost for 5 physio sessions.
Everything else cost money. All the specialists IE. pain specialist, rhumatologist, physio, chiro, and any scans (other than cervical or head) are very costly, between $70 -$900 per visit from my experience.
Then there's the medication.
They range from $5-120 per script.
And we have the same problem as America with the opioids. It's messed up. The government has just put measures in place to make it harder for Dr's to prescribe them.
I feel very lucky to have what we do here however nothing is perfect and these types (fibromyalgia especially ) of illnesses tend to put in the too hard basket.
I guess it's hard since they don't have an exact understanding of the illness anyway.
Thank you for reaching out to me, I appreciate sharing information, being heard and not just feeling like a whinger.
Thank you.
I wish you the best. I hope you're having, or have a good day xx

Aug 06, 2019 8:09 AM

Katpain, Bless your heart, we all understand! You must have a pretty bad break to need additional surgery. I will keep you in my prayers for healing. I totally understand the financial struggle & juggling expenses too. After my surgery in 2010, when I thought I'd be returning to work eventually but ended up with umpteen additional diagnoses (& disability finally granted 2017), we struggled to make ends meet. I'm under a specialist for every body specific area and that gets expensive, especially when they require me to come in for checkups every 6 months (11 doctors). Thanks once I got MC coverage it started helping, but my hubby's work insurance required us to change which policy they'd allow me in due to MC, and now we're having to pay much more premium deductibles & copays under them, which (while my hubby works) is my primary coverage, MC being secondary. We use to also get to claim our medical expenses when filing taxes, but the govt changed the rules and raised the limit so high that we just break even on tax filing now. At least we aren't owing taxes though👍. I'm thankful though because I'm one of the blessed few who has 2 coverages. And it helps because some doctors aren't"participating providers" with any insurance, so we have spent thousands of dollars in the past few years for anesthesia alone. Now with MC coverage the anesthesiology groups are told by MC they can't bill me for their top dollar price.

Try to take it easy and let your body heal from your broken arm. You'll be in my prayers for healing & finances, with hugs & love! 🙂❤🙏🌼

Aug 06, 2019 8:15 AM

PS: I have OA, fibro & Sjogrens among a multitude of other physical issues. The OA is all along my spine and in some major joints. But for months I've been attacked by random "jumping bean" (as I like to call it because it jumps around) joint pains, and some doctors suspect it's the Sjogrens attacking my joints. But I came across something called Pallindromic Rheumatism that seems to fit my symptoms, and I'm going to talk to my rheumatologist about it at my next visit. Sadly there isn't a lot any of us can do for our OA. 😞

Aug 07, 2019 12:16 AM

So sorry to hear about your broken arm. My daughter just broke hers yesterday when the horse she was riding got spooked and she was thrown off the horse. We won’t ever win when it comes to insurance companies. Being on MC I have to have supplemental insurance. I’m having copays for everything. Not only doctors but also fees for the buildings in which they practice. ( some very old and you’d think would of been paid off years ago) 😂 Lol, FlappysLady was talking about tax exemptions for medical costs. They keep on increasing the amount. Can’t win! Hope your arm is feeling a bit better. 🦋💐💕

Aug 09, 2019 4:22 AM

Thanks guys. Again, it really helps to have someone to talk to.
I wish you both the best too. All we can do is hope for better.
In the meantime my cat has decided to try to die on me 😕 she's apparently palliative now. Fun stuff looking after an incontinent cat who's in agony,whilst I have a broken arm 😂 OMG!!

Aug 09, 2019 8:43 AM

I'm so sorry about your cat. It's hard dealing with all we do then have to take care of a loved pet. I wish you well.

Aug 09, 2019 10:04 AM

Hi sorry katpain hug to you and your family and pet .... I’m going to the movies today then out to eat for our one year anniversary... I can hardly wait ..
I love care free days .. next week will be busy for me . Dentist on the 13 therapy on Friday lol .
I think my second home is with the dr or something. Hug 🤗 to all.. goid morning to but I’m still thinking how my next pr will be in October the Rhyitzotomy. Hug I know I’ll do good just it’s new one for me.
Have a nice one every one and to all who are new Shore 🦋🙏🌈🌈🤗

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