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In a funk

Jan 23, 2017 5:21 AM

Since Christmas I just can't seem to get out of this mood, I just don't have the motivation or the energy to do anything or to even care. I feel like I'm coasting along and just bearley doing the minimum for my 2.
I know we've all not been well.....Jo's had an ear infection for nearly 4 weeks and is on her 4th lot of antibiotics I have the same ear infection and on the same ear drop antibiotics (both on highest dose!), doctor wanted to make sure it cleared up both without mine dragging on like Jo's has. And now this morning I've been to the doctors and as I thought I have a UTI again, just what I needed!

My son seems to of got off lightly he wasn't well from Wednesday last week with similar symptoms but his seems to of cleared up on its own with him sleeping for nearly 3 days....he only got up to eat light meals and go to the loo!

I know the ear infection and UTI won't of helped my mood but like I said I've been feeling this way since after Christmas ๐Ÿ˜•.

I don't know if it's the reaction from being around soo many people at Christmas even tho it was family for a longer period of time than I'm used to or what? I'm trying to distract myself with colouring and card making and even helping Jo make some bracelets but I still haven't got the energy to do anything.

My kitchen has become a complete mess again where the washing up has built up to a ridiculous amount, the clean washing (the only thing that I've kept on top of) is piled high on the armchair in the living room so we're all going to the chair to get our clean clothes and I just can't face even putting them in to piles for the kids to take up to their rooms to put away but it seems that unless I'm standing there watching them and telling them what to do they won't do anything to helpe around the house and I just don't have the energy or will to do it. I can't be dealing with the arguments that it will cause because I know it will bring everyone's stress levels up and I'd end up doing most of it anyway.

I still have the boxes of Christmas decorations in the living room and the tree is still up in the corner (decorations are in the boxes). I need to find somewhere to put it all now as I had to get quite a few bits this year as a lot of my old Christmas decorations didn't make it to storage and we were in the woman's refuge last Christmas.

I'm sorry for going on soo much but I'm just at a loss and not sure where to go or what to do atm ๐Ÿ˜ข

On a good note my GP is finally looking at fibromialga or CFS/ME dx with all the pain I'm still experiencing....I think she thought if she kept putting me off that the pain might go away but it hasn't and when she done the pressure point test I now have one pressure point whereas I had none last time. She's ordered more blood tests but said if I have any inflammation in the blood work then I don't have them! And she also said that I'm doing everything that I can to help improve my pain levels (stretches, extra supplements and such) so do I really want the label of fibromialga - I told her yes because then in my head I know what is causing all the issues I'm having and I will have a better understanding so I can help myself more, do more research and find other treatments that could possibly help improve my quality of life.

My mental health nurse says I probably do have them both as in her experience of 15+ years as a primary care mental health nurse a lot of people who have suffered major trauma, stress and/or have had to repress their feelings for a long period of time are more likely to have fibromialga, CFS/ME and other symptoms of the month (hence my trigeminal neuralgia), esophagus, stomach and intestines.....I don't know if that will answer some questions others may have as to why.....at the moment she is also studying at university to get a degree in helping people with their mental health issues in the real world with real time exercises....I have had a couple of courses with CBT counsellors but their strategies weren't always helpful in real time!....and she's also considering writing a book about how stress, trauma and repressing feelings can affect the body and bring forth conditions such as fibro etc....

I'm soo sorry for going on soo much but I need to get it all out otherwise I'm just going to keep going round in circles and end up spiralling into a dark place that won't be good for me or anyone around me

Jan 23, 2017 6:23 AM

Don't apologize Sezzy. We're here for you. I'm glad you got all what you wanted to say out. Don't push yourself. Listen to the mental health counselor. Your kids are going to be kids. I think they think it is their job to fight and disagree with adults. I don't get my laundry all put away. Who wants to bother. I can get to it. >very just been so tired. Things will get better. Do what you can. Maybe have a house meeting and tell the kids they are living in your house and they have a responsibility to help around the house. You can tell I don't have kids. Things will get better. Just believe that.

Jan 23, 2017 6:33 AM

Thank you Animallover2 I'm finding it difficult at the moment because I haven't fully accepted my limitations altho I thought I was getting there and there's still a voice in my head that goes over all the things that was said to me by my ex husband about being lazy and a bad mum etc.... 10 years of emotional and mental abuse is hard to get over, bruises fade but words stay locked in and come out when you least expect ๐Ÿ˜•

Jan 23, 2017 6:55 AM

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Tell yourself those things aren't true. I know it's not easy. We're here for you.

Jan 23, 2017 6:57 AM

Sezzy, I am sorry you're in such a funk. I get it. I've been in a black hole for several months.. I haven't really discussed it because I'd rather come and help others and make them laugh and have a better day. I've been weepy, isolating and my pain levels are skyrocketing. They also took away my Ativan so my anxiety is up.
You know you're never alone. We're here to support you and help you through just as you are here to help others.
Sending you positive vibes and healing {{Hugs}}. Hang in there, I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere!!๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ˜Š

Jan 23, 2017 7:05 AM

Oh Alwayz you need our support as well, try not to hide away and isolate yourself from us we will help you in anyway we can. Why did the doctors do that surely that's going to make you worse? If you can't control the anxiety then everything else is worse including your pain. That doctor must be a shitty arsehole....excuse the language but I couldn't think of anything more polite!!!

Sending some big gentle {{{HUGS}}} and some major positive energy xx

Jan 23, 2017 7:42 AM

What she said โคดโคดโคด

Jan 23, 2017 7:46 AM

Animallover2 normally that works but where I've not been feeling great my guard has slipped a little and some things come back.
Thank you for your support xx

Jan 23, 2017 2:05 PM

My daughter just created this quote while thinking of me and sent it to me. She is very thoughtful. She brings me to tears sometimes xx

Jan 24, 2017 11:15 AM

Sezzy, it's ok and I appreciate the support. I know the community won't let me down when I'm down and out. I try not to hide but feel if I get y'all to laugh it will take my mind off me and make me feel useful.
The fuck that took my Ativan is the new nurse practitioner and she's (excuse my language) a cunt and I'll never, ever see her again. When I go to them Monday I will get it back from the real doctor. {{{Hugs}}}๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿค—

Jan 24, 2017 11:33 AM

Sezzy, I went through that same funk from October until just recently. I was sick first with one thing then another, and it really broke me down physically and mentally. Don't apologize. Just listen to your body and give yourself time to get through it. It will pass! Sending you hugs love & prayers you and your family will improve soon! ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ™๐ŸŒธ

Jan 24, 2017 3:38 PM

Alwayz I know where you're coming from with that....sometimes I search Facebook just to fund funny quotes to post on here because if they just make me smile then I hope it cheers someone else up....altho the Irish funnies are my dad's posts and an Irish bloke sharing Irish jokes you can't go wrong....the Irish certainly know how to take the piss out of themselves! ๐Ÿ˜‰

In my GP surgery there's one doctor who I refuse to see because her beside manner is awful. When you're in tears with pain and anxiety is sky high you don't need a doctor saying "well your going to have to go back to work at some point, you can't keep being ill".....let's just say I'd rather go without than see her again!

Jan 24, 2017 3:54 PM

Flappys it's soo hard for me not to say sorry, I've been so used to everything I do being wrong (even when I've done the right thing). I thought I was starting to move forward then I've hit this funk and everything seems to of come back. I'm just finding things hard when I feel I should be moving forward not backwards ๐Ÿ˜• and sometimes I also just feel soo empty - like there's nothing left to give, nothing inside me that I'm just a shell going thro the motions

Jan 25, 2017 12:20 AM

Sezzy, that's a horrible feeling. Yet, you're not going backwards. (You prove it every day by coming here, finding quotes to make us laugh and also supporting others). I just fell off and totally isolated myself from everyone.. I've noticed that I have been still doing it (with the exception of my bff. She gives me such strength and unconditional love, she makes me want to wake up each day and face whatever is in front of me.. she's amazing). That being said, done be hard on yourself, don't think that you always have to be strong for everyone else, sometimes you need to allow people you love to lend you some of their strength. In the end it's all going to be ok...{{{Hugs}}}๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’•

Jan 25, 2017 7:05 AM

Thank you Alwayz, I've been told by some that I'm a motherly figure, that I'm a care giver. I get a lot more joy in helping other people and making them smile....sometimes to my own detriment!
Today I'm not feeling so down but my whole body is shaking really badly I can't even colour inside the lines or type properly.....thank heavens for autocorrect!!!!

Jan 25, 2017 2:16 PM

Sezzy, for the past 7 years every one step forward has equalled about 3-4 steps back. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Sadly though I think that's the reality when you get this many illnesses. Sending you big gentle (((hugs)))!

Jan 25, 2017 3:13 PM

Flappys I'm learning that the hard way, I go forward a little then I think "ok this is in the right direction" then bang I've gone backwards again!
I'm hoping I've put the voice back in it's box for now.
Jo said when she woke up last night I was crying and saying something altho she couldn't understand me because I was mumbling and crying quietly....she said she tried to wake me up because she was in pain with her ear infection and it took her about 5-10 minutes! I don't remember any what I was crying over or what I was saying (I still had tears tuning down my cheeks for ages and couldn't get back to sleep for a long time). Whatever it was I can honestly say I didn't get any restorative sleep after that....could that be why I was shaking soo bad? I have no idea?

I want to try and reduce my morphine mst to see if I'm actually getting any benefit from it at all and I know the pain clinic would be happy about that everytime I see the nurse she's always saying she wants me to reduce it but I've been in soo much pain since September and it's not just the trigeminal neuralgia pain but my knees, hips, back, arms, shoulders and neck.
Eeeerrrrrr I'm rambling again and forgot what I was trying to say originally.
I'm sorry I just feel like I've completely lost the plot now!!!

But on another note my car is finally no longer in use as my newer and smaller car has come.
I'm sad that I'm having to say goodbye to my old car, I've had her since new and she's just turned 12 but I can't afford the repairs that she needs to keep her roadworthy so I've now got a 3 year old Seat Ibiza. She came today and my daughter has decided to call her Burtha! She is soo different from my old Mitsubishi Lancer. The Lancer, even tho she's a 1.6 saloon, she was very light to drive but then the Lancer is the shell for the EVO rally cars!
I took my new car out for a drive and she's nice to drive but she feels a little heavier and she doesn't mind hills....my old car hated hills that sometimes I'd have lorry's overtaking me, even when she was new!!! Other than that I think their both pretty much even on most things, now I'll just have to see how she is on petrol?

Jan 25, 2017 3:44 PM

Best of luck with the car!! We've had to replace older cars for the same reason.

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