I have missed you guys a lot. But I have been paralyzed in pain. Has anyone ever been that way. You are just in pain and you have done all you can do. You are on so many medicines. You are in so much pain. But your doctor won't raise your pain medice because of the trend to cut back on pain medication. They cut back on mine even after having getting MRIs and it showing them that I have severe arthritis in my neck , shoulder, knee, lower, and upper back. Tomorrow, I am having a surgery and I am scared. It is an ankle fusion. I won't be able to walk for eight weeks. But the last time I had one of these, it did heal for two years and it took seven surgeries. So I am scared about losing the foot. I almost did last time. The last time they did surgery, the skin burned and I would have to rub it with fabric to desensitize it. But now it is going to be in a cast and I will not be able to do anything for it. I worried about my diet as far as healing because my teeth. Because of my medicines, my teeth have broken and fallen out so most of the time I eat Ramen noodles. But that is not going to have the things in it to help heal my ankle. I am going to have to ask the doctor what supplements to take.
My family has been so grouchy towards me. I don't ask them to do anything for me but they want to but when they do it they are grouchy about it. Like they are sick of it. It has bee 16 years. I would be sick of it too. That is why I stay in my room. In my bedroom. Usually I do nothing but stare and I find I am thinking about nothing. I tried to get into a rehab after the surgery but my doctor never got back to me on that. I was trying to take the pressure and work off my family. I really wish this was over. All the pain. I am not suicidal. But I think you all could relate. I just have to get to find something to do. I need to find someone to help. That would make me feel better. I like when I am not thinking of me. But like I said, I just feel paralyzed in my room. I will get out. I just wish I had help right now. I am sorry I have not been around to help you all. But I haven't been able to help anyone lately. I have just been closed up. Sorry for such a serious post guys. Take care and I hope your pain is not that bad. I am hoping my surgery is not that bad today. I am hoping the local will work. Bye.