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It is hard to play happy when you are in so much pain

Nov 05, 2015 1:46 AM

Lately, it has been hard to keep a smile on my face and stay joyful for everyone when I have been in so much pain. Don't get me wrong, despite my pain, I am happy. I have a very supportive family and I get together with my friends. I didn't do that 2 months ago. But I am forcing myself to smile when I want to wince in pain and I really want to show them that I am happy. I don't mind them telling them I am in pain but I don't want them to think everything they do with me is like them torturing me.

I started really bad like 5 weeks ago, I atarted having fatique and pain all over my body. My muscle and joints were hurting likke betwwn a 7 and an 8. I been having anemia which is unusual for a man. But I have had it for a year and half and they don't know why. I think that is why sometimes I cant stay awake longer than 3 and a half hours..Then with the pain all over it is messing up my sleep because then I wake up around 1 am for a couple of hours and then 5 for a few hours. That is with my sleeping pills. My right shoulder needs a shoulder replacement. I have a tout rotator cuff. Then I have severe pain going down my right arm. It is a 9. That is what has me sleeping in a recliner for now on. Every time my arm touches something, I would like to yell in pain. Something simple as laying on the couch and my arm touching the back of the couch causes extreme pain. Many times they hurt just all by themselves with any causes. Then about 14 days ago, my low back started hurting real bad again. I think the nerves that they had burned have grown back. It has been over 8 months. But it is killing me to walk and now I have to rest with a heating pad. On top of that, my crps returned out of many months in remission. Mine takes place on a 15 year old wound. It started a few years after it happened. But now the wound is changing color, getting colder, and burning all the time. It lets up here and there. On top of that I keep on breaking out of rashes. I just feel like I am falling apart.

I have decided to stop worrying about what is going on with me because the doctors don't seem to care. I think they think it is stress, but I tell them I am the happiest I have ever been.
But like I said, I am happy and I want to smile it just hurts to much to show it sometimes but you don't want to bring others down. But it feels like when you smile, it hurts just a little bit more. I know that sounds funny but tshat is the way feel sometimes. Sometimes, I just hope that I don't live very long. I worry about how I will die but I don't want to be in pain and I would never take my life but I don't want to live a long time like this. Then I think of my wife. She needs my Social Security Income. So then I hope I at least live that long. What I really hope is that they figure out what is going on and treat some of these pains.

Well that is my rant today. Sorry I am a little downer in my writing but I am happy. Just in pain. A lot of pain just like a lot of you are. Take care my friends. Sorry for the negativity.

Nov 05, 2015 5:19 AM

I have had a bad month. Thinking it is sue to the weather change here in Wyoming.

Nov 05, 2015 9:28 AM

Profiler, it can be exhausting to smile when you are feeling so badly. Sometimes it will ADD to your stress level because, although you're happy, you are worried about your friends opinions about how you as feeling. I'm sure they are happy that you are able to join them. You are such a wonderful guy, Profiler!! You worry more about how everyone else is feeling than your own self. You have been through a lot and I know it's been an uphill climb at times. Don't concentrate so hard in keeping a smile on your face and just be you. If you want to smile, go for it, if you need to wince, do it. Unfortunately, you can't leave your pain at the door when you leave. I wish you could. (I wish we ALL could). You're always in my thoughts and prayers, Profiler. You're a dear friend and I hope that you find a way to just be. Whatever you are in the moment, do what it is you feel. You never expected this, you sure didn't ask for this. I think you have been an uplifting force in this community and the world in general. Hang in there, I'm by your side.. Smiling or not!! 💕🙏🏻🌻

Nov 05, 2015 8:07 PM

Profiler, Did you happen to see the post by ferretbandit on chronic pain people being "fakers?" She posted it today and it's in line with how you are feeling; faking your way through to make others happy. Not one of us can be expected to go on like that forever, yet we are all guilty of it at some time or another. I agree with AlwayZ that you worry more about others than about yourself. My grandmother once said to me, "If you stay true to yourself, you'll be true to others too.". She was speaking of being honest without being afraid of disappointing myself or others. No matter how hard we try we can't do it all or be all to everyone else or ourselves. We have to take care of ourselves. And it's not being selfish to say, " no I'm sorry, but I just don't feel up to it today. ". You are a special friend, husband, & father. And as for the depression, I am relate to being happy but also depressed at what I think I see ahead. I think everyone on here can relate. Hoping you don't have to live very long like we are doesn't mean we are suicidal. It simply means we hope that through God's grace we will leave this earth early instead of later. When I catch myself thinking that way, I begin to think about my blessings, who and what I still have, who would miss me and be affected by an early demise. Then I simply ask God to give me the strength to get through it, one day at a time. (((Hugs))) & a prayer you will soon feel a little better.

I'm in agreement with Fibrodragon... This weather has to be the cause of my latest aches & pains. It's between foggy, misty, muggy and plain blah weather for over a week. I can't remember the last sunshine we had. We may get some tomorrow, but rain returns with cold weather on Sunday. Wishing everyone a decent night tonight! 🙏🌼

Nov 05, 2015 9:44 PM

I definitely have a hard time acting happy, but I've gotten pretty decent because my 4 little cousins don't have chronic pain in their side of the family, so I hide it. Even when it means being outside to cry, or replacing my soda with beer (recommended by dad and the doctor lol) but I'd do anything for them not to see the pain.

At the time, I had 16 teeth jamming toward the center, and several teeth are now pushed above and in front of the teeth next to them. Luckily, I didn't have to get them all out at the same time, but I honestly wished it would, just to stop the nausea, endless migraine, and hallucinations. Throw in an ignorant doc who ignored the x rays, and you've got me, ayear and a half ago.

Nov 06, 2015 6:38 AM

(((Hugs))) ferretbandit! My youngest had 2 sets of adult teeth, found on a panoramic X-ray at age 8, when she was complaining with headaches, mouth & sinus pain. They had to pull her baby teeth early, attach chains to the first set of teeth to forcefully pull them down, and then pull those to allow the permanent ones space to come in. Sadly she got my small mouth frame and her dad's big teeth. She spent from 3rd grade to 10th grade in braces & other orthodontic apparatuses. Unfortunately our other daughter was in them at the same time, but only 4 years. We were lucky that the orthodontist have us a discount and let us do a monthly payment. I was a house mom & my hubby worked at a poor salary then. I hope you can find a way to get some help with your teeth. It's no fun! 🙏🌼

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