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Just catching up

Mar 03, 2017 7:05 AM

I'm sorry I've been offline all week and unable to read, let alone respond to posts. I don't have time to right now either but hopefully tomorrow.

Anyway my dad had TKR on Tuesday and the doctors opted to use general anesthesia. Unfortunately this has caused his memories to relapse into multiple decades of past memories and lots of confusion with easy anger outbursts and urinary incontinence. He doesn't understand much of anything that's said or who the staff is that comes in, and he's getting all of our names mixed up (calling stepmom by deceased wife's name or her sister's). He thinks "all these people coming into the the room are here to write a story about what I did in my lifetime & then print it in the newspaper!" I think I forgot to mention my dad has always had a "super ego & pride" issue. Lol at times and really sad and disturbing at others. Where his mom was so gentle and sweet with Alzheimer's, his bad tendencies seem to be coming forward. Ugh! Not to mention embarrassing at times. If things went well overnight he's being DC to a rehab center today, inpatient, which he doesn't comprehend (thinks he's going home).

I located a healthcare and rehab facility very close to his home where my stepmom can travel easier.Not only can they address his PTOT needs, but they're a complex care facility that can address memory care, behavioral care, his incontinence and pain management. I'm sort of perturbed with her because me and my siblings have had to go get her dinner or lunch every day because she didn't want to leave our dad alone (fall risk). The errands weren't the issue. We told her to go get a hotel room, and I even drive her around on PreOp day so she could find them easily, but she chose to stay in his room with him. She didn't want any of us to stay with him. Then 2 days ago my siblings got there to find her asleep in the car, my dad alone for who knows how long in the room. Then last night she didn't get the urinal in time (it was hidden from view under the bed!) and he had an accident, which upset him with his wife (my sister hung the urinal in the bed side rails). Stepmom said nursing staff got angry at my dad for his accident. But she has no patience and takes everything he says personally or tries to constantly correct his errors, which only agitates him, and we're wondering if the staff witnessed her behavior and was really upset with her. So just as my sister and I were getting ready to leave last night or stepmom says, "I think I'll drive on home tonight.". They live nearly 2 hr away, and it was dark!! I looked at her and said, "What!? Why? He'll be discharged in the morning and do you think it's safe to leave him alone, especially if you think the staff is upset with him?". Then she goes, "Well, no I better stay.". What logic was in that?! I've had to ask questions and offer any info to the staff from PreOp on...Rediculous! She must be getting alzheimers herself???

I've been at the hospital every day from sunrise to sunset and running food & shopping errands in between. I actually had to go shop for some pj's and lounge sets for my dad yesterday; my stepmom packed for herself but forgot to get dad any clothes other than what he wore up on Tuesday. I also had to loan them both a sweater and coat for discharge, because the cold front. From sheer exhaustion I'm running on adrenaline and auto pilot this morning.

I have to close now. But I hope and pray everyone finds a little sunshine, a few blessings in your lives today! The pic above have me a smile & peace. Oh, my daughter passed her first (of many) tests to her promotion position!!! PTL 🙏 Hugs love & prayers to all! 🙂💕🙏🌸

Mar 03, 2017 7:37 AM

I'm sorry for what happened to your dad and what you are going through. I hope you take care of you. Take some time for yourself.

Mar 03, 2017 9:00 AM

Oh my, I'm soo sorry that you and your family are going thro this tough time.
Unfortunately some people don't understand how to react when they're with someone who has alzheimers even tho they live with the person and have been told how to respond to them and by the sounds of it she doesn't react to stress very well....

Please make sure you look after yourself as well, take some time to sit quietly and recuperate. Try not to make yourself ill if possible.
I'm sending you positive vibes and warm healing loving hugs xx

Mar 03, 2017 11:23 AM

Oh Flappy - am so sorry hun. I pray the rehab center is a perfect fit for your dad. Alzheimer's is one of the hardest diagnosis. I can't imagine watching a loved one slowly disappear one memory at a time.

Is your step mom usually that forgetful? Or perhaps self centered.... Or is it possible she is also struggling with some form of dementia.

Your hands are so full right now trying to keep everything together. Please make sure you take some down time for you. (i know - I should take my own advice...)

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Know we are here for you.. Whether you want to just talk.. Or to vent or give updates. We care.

(((( gentle hugs ))))

Mar 06, 2017 7:32 PM

Thanks AnimalLover, Sezzy & Mimikay. You don't know how much it means to have your support. The family meets with the doctor and care team tomorrow. And my family has made their minds up to move him immediately because the place misrepresentated themselves and rather than being majority rehab they're actually end stage nursing home. I'm caught in the middle, not wanting to move him until he finishes PTOT, and then make one final move to a memory care facility. I'm certain my stepmom is having memory issues of her own, along with thyroid and other issues. But my dad takes precedent, and having alzheimers is blocking us from placing him in many rehab facilities. Then of course due to Medicare changes last year he doesn't qualify for hospital rehab!
My next 3 days will be stressful looking for a permanent place. Once dad's placed them we can start helping my stepmom take care of herself. That is, after I take a two week staycation! Lol Hugs love & prayers for all of you!! 🙂💕🙏🌸

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