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Just dont know what to do anymore

May 09, 2016 5:45 PM

I've been really struggling since the chemical exposure at the beginning of April. My sensitivity has increased substantially to the point where I am affected by someone smoking a block away. It has made it very difficult to get necessary tasks accomplished and has made me want to avoid people at all costs. If I see someone spraying something or smoking I want to run them over with my car. Emotionally I have not been coping well at all. I was told that it is because my systems are on high alert and not able to deal with this 'new' threat. Going to work has been very difficult for me because of the chemicals in the building, the cleaners, peoples products and smoking habbits, and the air outside the building isn't exactly clean.
My boyfriend took me out to the mountains for the weekend. We stayed at a resort outside of town in the national park, there was next to no one there. The best I have felt in a long time was when we were an hour or so out on a rarely used hiking trail with no other people around for miles. I didn't want to leave, i didn't want to go back to society and people. Part of me was kind of hoping we'd crash on the way home and id die so that i wouldn't have to be sick again, probably a good thing i wasnt driving.
Now im back at work and mad at absolutely everyone for being poisonous to me. My boss wants to send 5 of us to a local tech school for a week for additional training and i was just informed that I was going. So i asked if the class was just us (no), would there be smokers in the class (there are smokers everywhere, just deal with it), would there be a completely scent free policy (no, you shouldn't be trying to control other peoples lives). So now im anxious about this course in the beginning of june. They still havent ordered the mask i requested when the chemicals outside came in the building and made me sick. Im so upset about everything that i want to sue the airport and the company i work for for making me sicker, but chemical sensitivity is impossible to prove so id never win.
I get up and go through the motions every day but i dont care at all. Im sure that without my boyfriend in my life i would have done something incredibly stupid by now, like walking out onto the highway.
I dont know what the point of my post was. If you got this far thanks for reading and sorry i wasted your time.

May 09, 2016 7:16 PM

Gotobef, you needed to get it off your chest and that is why you wrote it, to vent. And it wasn't a waste of time! You've been through an emotional and physically draining time. Is it possible that you've developed asthma, or do you already have it? The reason I ask is that I am hyper sensitive to scents, whether from chemicals, detergents, bath/laundry soaps, perfumes, cigarettes and such, grill smoke, or even flowers. It can send me into an asthma attack without warning. And it started with a status-asthmaticus allergic reaction to bradford pear tree blooms! I've never had a reaction before to anything in my life. It's understandable not wanting to be around smokers. I've learned to keep paper masks in my purse & glove box. And once when standing in a line where someone behind me was smoking, I turned and politely let them know I have asthma and would they please blow their smoke in the opposite direction. He apologized and put his cigarette out. Just calmly let others know what you've been though and ask if they'd mind not smoking around you. If they do, pull out your mask. It's not perfect but it does help some. Hugs & prayers! 🙂💕🙏🌼

May 09, 2016 11:52 PM

Thanks Flappy. I don't think I'm developing asthma. I don't have it but my brother did as a child. My symptoms are mostly headaches and dizzyness followed by unreasonable anger and a desire for absolute destruction. The breathing problems start after prolonged exposure for most things. Smoke and vehicle exhaust happen substantially quicker.

May 10, 2016 12:58 AM

Gotobef,
I'm glad you found this group. Flappyslady is a great help here and I'm sure you'll find many who share your pain and anxiety.
You haven't wasted anyone's time. You have helped others who've also wished they wouldn't wake up to know that they're not alone. When I read others posts I recognize that my pain isn't the worst in history. They've survived so maybe I can too.
It's got to be scary and frustrating to be so affected by others behavior & know you can't truly control it. You are dealing with a lot!
The mask is good, I'm sure you've thought about electric air cleaners . . .
Wishing you relief & cleaner air in your environments ASAP! May you get good constructive ideas here very soon.

May 10, 2016 6:58 AM

Gotobef, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. When I was pregnant with my daughter I went through something similar and I worked at the airport outside driving either the golf cart all night where I'd smell everything or I was in the truck and or van picking up our invatory takers from the "satalight" lot to the main lot when done. Either way I was smelling the cigarette smoke from the invatory takers or the chemicals being dumped or the exhaust from the cars and the golf cart.I had gotten so sick with phenomena from it all that I was one day away from being put in the hospital. I should have brought a mask with me because I was extremely sensitive to any and all chemicals from that point on and work would always come up with excuses as to why they didn't have the mask's ordered so I bought my own and used them, got tired of waiting on them and got tired of getting sicker waiting on them to do what they are supposed to do. Praying for you girl and hold onto God and trust that he has a plan for the craziness we call life and pain.

May 10, 2016 7:52 AM

Gotobef, thank you for sharing !

I was one of those people who did not realize how people could be so sensitive.

Now I realize. My kid has autism, sensory hell. I couldn't understand, now I do and life got a little kinder. The problem being we can not control others and environments. That causes lots of stress !!! Even having premeditated stress going into this situations. I say this with great kindness because of the past problems you state that you have gone through. Trying to make them aware maybe helpful, but as I have read your post your work is not getting it or cares :(
Perhaps thinking outside the box of how you can manage. Getting your own masks, telling people, avoidance things WHEN you can, remind yourself at the park for those real tough times.

In the last couple years I have become sensitive. Like hearing ++, smell, vision+++, touch.

Thank you Gotobef for sharing and your continued sharing.
Beets.

May 10, 2016 8:18 AM

Gotobef I happen to like reading long vents so you ticked my box 😉 I wheeze when people smoke, jasmine scent any strong floral scent really which is a bummer because they are lovely but toxic to me. I ask smokers to go punch nails in their coffin somewhere else haha It's rough being in environments where managers don't look after your health and welfare at work. Take matters into your own hands and use that cranky energy to your advantage and try some great suggestions, thoughts and ideas that have been shared. Swing by and let us know how you are getting on.

May 11, 2016 3:50 AM

I agree with the others you need a safe place to vent. I have worked in both military and corporate supply offices.
1) I find the best way to get the company to purchase what you need is to get three quotes for exactly what size and specifications you need. Print them and walk the request thru the proper channels until you see the purchase agent send the order out.
2. Ask if it can be purchased with petty cash? You get the estimated amount of cash, pay for it and return the receipt and the change same day.
3) if they refuse to buy it for you. Then you buy one for yourself and add the receipt to your taxes under expenses for your job.
I hope these ideas help you.

May 19, 2016 3:59 PM

Update: the mask finally came in today. I have to wash it before I can check to see if it fits but here is hoping it fits well and helps. My supervisor is trying to get me off the course.

May 19, 2016 7:46 PM

Yippee! So glad and praying it works well! 🙂💕🙏🌼

May 27, 2016 4:52 PM

Update: mask works great for mild things like body spray in the bathroom after the person has left. Cut about 50% of the forest fire smoke when it was really bad. But I haven't had to test it against cigarette smoke or someone spraying perfume in the room I'm in yet.
Workers comp just called. My case is not possible to win since there is no proof, just my word when it comes to chemical sensitivities.
Apparently I'm the only person who put in a claim from the chemical poisoning.
Sadness

May 27, 2016 4:57 PM

I'm sorry to hear that. You do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. Like a lawyer told my daughter from a work comp injury, "unless there are decapitation of limbs, or blood and guts hanging out, it's always easy for the employers to win." That's so sad and true. Hugs, love, and prayers you won't have to treat it against others inconsiderate uses. 🙂💕🙏🌼

May 27, 2016 9:17 PM

I also carry a mask (hospital kind) with me for scents that trigger headaches, migraines and asthma for me. My symptoms can start in the elevator before getting to a floor with a bloomed lily. Smoke, perfume, cologne, I just have to act quickly with the mask, Tylenol and inhaler. Otherwise I am thrown into treatment mode which is so much harder than prevention mode. Yes, I can ask someone to put out a cigarette but honestly, I don't trust them to listen, nor do I have the luxury of time to allow my symptoms to start. I have an odor filter in my office that helps me. Good luck!

May 27, 2016 9:21 PM

Also, see if a psychiatrist or neurologist would recommend a low-dose TCA anti-depressant which would preventatively treat both your headaches/rage and ensuing low mood. Hope you feel better soon!

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