I downloaded the Headspace app today... heck, even if I don't have time and space alone, just listening to the guy's accent is soothing... I'm from Texas so it's different enough that it takes me outta here for a bit. LOL.
My panic attacks don't happen when I have 10 minutes and a place away from distractions. They happen when I'm riding in the car. I drive my daughter around the bend (frustration level, not the road!) gasping and clutching the arm rest, etc. My daughter is not a teenager -- she's 32! She's an excellent driver and has never had an accident. Sometimes I read. Sometimes we listen to podcasts. But my heart is still racing and my mind is still fractured into bits, until I get out of the car. I'm not like that with the Uber drivers. I'm not even like that with my 88 year old mother in law... (ex mother in law but she's still my "mom")...
They happen when I am alone at home and I realize I have too much month at the end of my money because ex hasn't come through, again.
They happen when I can't find something, and I JUST HAD IT IN MY HAND. (Sometimes it is still in my hand.)
They happen when I can't remember ... a word in the next sentence I'm speaking; why I stood up; what I'm looking for; what I meant to do.
They happen when I realize my teeth are clenched (again) and every muscle I am capable of tensing is tensed (feels good once I let that go!) but I GET there in the first place without realizing, and that is what panics me.
I've had lorazepam, it helps so-so. My doctor won't prescribe it because she is concerned about dependence. Valium (10mg) is too strong for me, although it helped when I was going through the divorce.
Besides I don't want another stupid pill, I already take 11.
So I'm gonna print out a puppy picture and make myself a fuzzy lovey blanket (handkerchief size...). I'll let you know how THAT goes, if it works I may have a business idea, hm? (I'm not being flippant, I'm serious...)
Anyway. Today I'll make my lovey. And next Sunday I'll try to post and see if it helped.
(I can hear my daughter laughing at me now...) (but sweet laughter, not mean...)