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Just relax, Mom

Mar 20, 2016 11:23 AM

I downloaded the Headspace app today... heck, even if I don't have time and space alone, just listening to the guy's accent is soothing... I'm from Texas so it's different enough that it takes me outta here for a bit. LOL.
My panic attacks don't happen when I have 10 minutes and a place away from distractions. They happen when I'm riding in the car. I drive my daughter around the bend (frustration level, not the road!) gasping and clutching the arm rest, etc. My daughter is not a teenager -- she's 32! She's an excellent driver and has never had an accident. Sometimes I read. Sometimes we listen to podcasts. But my heart is still racing and my mind is still fractured into bits, until I get out of the car. I'm not like that with the Uber drivers. I'm not even like that with my 88 year old mother in law... (ex mother in law but she's still my "mom")...
They happen when I am alone at home and I realize I have too much month at the end of my money because ex hasn't come through, again.
They happen when I can't find something, and I JUST HAD IT IN MY HAND. (Sometimes it is still in my hand.)
They happen when I can't remember ... a word in the next sentence I'm speaking; why I stood up; what I'm looking for; what I meant to do.
They happen when I realize my teeth are clenched (again) and every muscle I am capable of tensing is tensed (feels good once I let that go!) but I GET there in the first place without realizing, and that is what panics me.
I've had lorazepam, it helps so-so. My doctor won't prescribe it because she is concerned about dependence. Valium (10mg) is too strong for me, although it helped when I was going through the divorce.
Besides I don't want another stupid pill, I already take 11.
So I'm gonna print out a puppy picture and make myself a fuzzy lovey blanket (handkerchief size...). I'll let you know how THAT goes, if it works I may have a business idea, hm? (I'm not being flippant, I'm serious...)
Anyway. Today I'll make my lovey. And next Sunday I'll try to post and see if it helped.
(I can hear my daughter laughing at me now...) (but sweet laughter, not mean...)

Later!

Mar 20, 2016 3:13 PM

I love Headspace! It is a lifechanger and lifesaver!

Mar 20, 2016 4:59 PM

What is headspace? How does it help? GrandmaD I could have been looking in the mirror as you wrote your post for the most part. I do not suffer from anxiety or depression or take medication for those problems. But I relate to so much of what you are dealing with as so many others on here do I am sure. Thank you for your openness and honesty. Peace & Grace!

Mar 20, 2016 9:54 PM

MySisters (can i call you MSK?), it is a meditation/mindfulness app you can get for your phone or tablet. It guides you through meditations and visualizations. It really is very helpful in getting anxiety under control.

Mar 21, 2016 12:27 AM

Flown by all means you certainly can. Thank you. I am going to check it out.

Mar 21, 2016 12:59 PM

Lol, let your daughter know it isn't HER, but all the other drivers that scare you!
Not being in control when you're doing something so simple and necessary, but so potentially deadly is really really hard!

Mar 24, 2016 12:58 PM

GrandmaD, I too felt like I was looking at myself. This fibro-fog has been horrendous the past week. Stopping my statement mid sentence drives me bonkers so bad! Thank you for sharing this app info. My anxiety has been worse the past several months, attacking from nowhere. I try not to use my Tranxene except at bedtime because it makes me sleep. I clutch the arm rest and push my foot through the floor in whoever's car I'm a passenger in! Lol If you don't mind, share a pic of your lovey blanket with me at flappyslady81@yahoo.com. I might be your first customer! I hope you and everyone has a blessed day! 🙂💕🙏🌼

Mar 25, 2016 9:57 AM

The lovey turned out to be a bit of a disaster. I may end up using it to clean the inside of the windshield! I'm going to have to practice some more on that one before a picture won't break the camera. LOL! If my finances weren't in such disarray, I would buy one of those little "nap" pillows from Brookstone and use the cover with a little lavender scent on it. I'd also carry my frozen bottle of water in it -- I always carry at least one to use as a back or neck roll and a partially frozen one because I like to drink really really cold water. (weird)
The Headspace app worked very well and I'll continue to use it when possible. Sometimes we listen to a "Dear Hank and John" podcast though, and on those days Headspace is on the back shelf. :-)

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