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Just unloading...*sigh*😔

Sep 29, 2019 10:01 AM

I can so relate to others on not wanting to face the upcoming holidays, and this will be my 2nd season without my Dad. It might not be as hard if going to see my stepmom were enjoyable, but her conversation ability is minimal at best. I went to her doc appt the other day (1 yrs annv of hip break surgery) and he said there's no point in me trying to bring her to their office (on a gurney), with me on a walker & her at very late stage alzheimers. I couldn't help but choke up when I got home and looked at my family photos (at end of the hallway...in your face, can't miss them), and there's my Mom, my 1st stepmom, my Dad, & grandparents, all gone. And I feel like I'm hobbling along with one foot in the grave halfway.

As you can see I am fighting depression & I m just needing to dump the load so I don't hold on to it; the past week has made it super hard. I saw 3 orthopedic docs in the past 14 days: ...
1-spine surgeon, I told no to on the extreme radical cut to my back (C2-3 to T3-4, to re-fuse with my bone & put rods in), because I don't think I'd recover and I believe I'd end up with worse pain...
2- orthopedic for hip, the hip is no longer progressing (PT may have overworked me but I have multiple issues I'm fighting), & he said that it may take me 1 yr or longer to get fully healed if then (bc of multiple issues). And he informed me I'm still looking at a total hip replacement in 1-5+ yr anyway ... (why didn't he tell me that up front? I'd have gone to Emory for it instead!). And oh yeah, no more steps (my daughter's home has steps & they're unwilling to put in handicap ramp we've offered to pay for, because if I fell on their property!). He basically told me to go back to using the walker mostly and the cane minimally, reduce my overall activity; joyful boredom! The AFB air show is this weekend & he told me not to go bc it's too much walking, so I get to sit home, again...
3-ortho doc for hands & newly damaged knee, likely torn meniscus & diagnosed with new arthritic cysts on left hand knuckles plus I now have connective tissue disease. The insurance didn't approve the knee MRI so we did an injx on Thursday, and it helped a little. But just getting a shower, dressing, and fixing my hair, all causes the knee to swell & become so painful I can't walk the rest of the day.

I've tried to stay positive and do things to be upbeat but all I see is a long dull lonely sickly life ahead. You can relate! It sucks because others don't understand & change the subject when I try to express how I feel. Even my husband doesn't comprehend. He was moaning & groaning about having to wear pads since his prostate surgery because he pees on himself if he bends over. But the doc has already said that may improve in a year or 2. I finally went off on him and told him, "I'll trade you any day buddy boy... I'll pee myself & you can crap on yourself!" 😡 That's not me to be like that 😢 Lol, but he did shut up & hasn't complained in my presence since. But even so he works all day then rushes home to fix my meal, then rushes out the door to go treasure hunting or hiking. I sit at home or stay at the doctor. I don't understand what else I'm suppose to learn from it all, when I've been patient & calm, taking care of others while trying to see to my own needs. I still have faith in God, know he loves me. I just don't understand why this is all happening and what he expects from me at this point. My 13 yo grandchild can see me struggling to walk and steps up to help...she is my lifeline right now, what I'm holding on to & for. She needs me & I need her. My husband needs hernia surgery bc he got out in his shed doing too much too soon & fell, he didn't listen to me. But even after surgery he'll be right back to his same activities. He doesn't need me, yet I'm dependent on him. And when I ask for something extra I hear the "huff" under his breath. Besides you all, I have a cousin & few other friends I talk to here & there. Anyway I'm sorry to dump my load on y'all, but I just didn't want to hang on to it and feel worse. Thanks for listening! Thank goodness I see my therapist this week. I just wanted you to know even if I'm awol awhile (getting my head together), I'm still thinking about you, praying for you & love you all, because I get what you're going through!😘❤🙏🌻

Sep 29, 2019 2:34 PM

I'm so sorry you've got all that going on. I'm glad you felt you could unload of that here. I hope you feel better. That's why we're here.

Oct 01, 2019 5:25 PM

Hi guys I just had my eyes checked I don’t need eye glasses re newed this time yay ... my eyes are good)))).
Next Wednesday I go in for my procedure my fiancé usdrive he there he do wonderful to me ..
He even got my grocery that I needed bc my eyes were dilated.i day in his car and watched the rain come down )))) ..
He all ways says I have helped him so it my turn to bring helped out ))))) Hug to all I just want to up date you all in me hug gently Shore 🙏🌈🌈🤗❤️I can finally start to see again he he )) later

Oct 01, 2019 5:28 PM

Btw Flapoy I’m kinda like you I a way about the needing each other . It’s nice to be needed . But st the same time it feels like I’m a burden to everyone. But I’m slowly getting over that .. hug again sorry to here flapoy hug gently Shore 🙏🙏🌈🤗❤️

Oct 02, 2019 1:18 PM

FlappysLady, wow...😢 so very sorry to hear about your ongoing condition. I totally relate! Just yesterday my husband took me out for a ride. Had been tearful off and on because like you, I’ve done everything i can and yet my health problems ( pain related) are only increasing. Why why why??? The only thing I told myself is “I’m not gonna let you win” I think that’s the only thing I can hold onto. We might be down at times but “fight it!” With the grace of God we will pull through. Believe that .I know we all at times need to vent it’s only natural and healthy that we do. I’m sending you 🤗😘🙏 and hope 🦋 that you will get out of the depression you are in. Don’t forget to see your therapist. We all love you and want you to be the happy healthy ( as can be) person that you are underneath.
Shore glad to see that your eyes are ok. good luck on your upcoming procedure. 🤗🌸
Ps: FlappysLady, I totally understand if you need a little alone time to gather yourself back up. Will be praying for you my friend. Take care. Don’t forget to come back. Your the ray of sunshine 🌞 within the storm ⛈

Oct 02, 2019 1:37 PM

FlappysLady...you are needed in this world 🌎 of chaos and pain. You are loved 💕 and you are worthy of being loved🌸 Life gives us obstacles to overcome/ cope with. It’s not the obstacles themself but how we choose to deal with them. Don’t let these “steal your joy.” When we are at the lowest point In our life, the only way out is to look up 🙏 and out of ourselves. It’s when we focus on others we can help heal our inner pain.🦋 You show you know and willingly help (💕)others now it’s time to 💕 you’ 🌸

Oct 02, 2019 2:58 PM

Hi flappy lady and everyone I’m just have another frustration kind of day grr, .. My back is really bothering me and where we live there is going to be a festival in our lunch room. But I’m not going bc. To painful ..I’m getting the Rhyitzotomy next week ))).. I’m also dealing with other issues ,why does everything happen at the same time ugh grr ... Sorry I’m now venting oops..
I also get so mad when I’m not being listen to ... but anyways ty for your prayers and support..🌈🌈🙏🙏❤️❤️I’ll try and look up more .. sigh Shore hug gently

Oct 02, 2019 3:45 PM

Hang in there Shore. Sorry your having such a difficult day. Hope your back is feeling well enough that maybe you can go to the festival. Are there places to sit? Maybe you can enjoy just being there. We all vent it’s part of life. Doesn’t go the way we’d like for it to go at times. Take Care. 🦋🌸

Oct 02, 2019 3:56 PM

Hi pain ty I think I staying in it’s really pinching at times but ty .. I been to it before I’m just not in the mood either ...
Hug ty support gentle hug to you Shore 🌈🙏🤗🤗❤️

Oct 02, 2019 6:42 PM

I’m so sorry you are suffering so much! We have all been ther at some point...thinking we can’t bear any more...but we do...
Much love and healing to you and the many more that are also suffering. We’re all in this together, so we are never alone!

Oct 02, 2019 6:44 PM

Well spoken Chris. We “all” are indeed in this together. Sometimes it makes us feel so alone. 🌸

Oct 04, 2019 9:17 PM

Hang in there FlappysLady 🦋

Oct 07, 2019 3:20 AM

Flappy, I’m sorry your having to go through all of that, I can say your not alone on the holiday season, I’m not looking forward to this one, since my dad passed in August I’ve pretty much go to work and then come home to do more chores and then Without saying anything to anyone else I get changed outta my work uniform and lock myself in my room, while my kids are in school, I’ll act tough in front of them but inside I’m so completely broken. I’ll be praying for you my friend, and if you need anything I’m here. Love ❤️ hugs 🤗 and Prayers 🙏

Oct 19, 2019 6:49 PM

Moparmom and FlappysLady, I’m sorry to hear that you both are suffering from your personal loss. I personally know what it feels like to have A family member with Altzheimers. My dad also had it. In the late stages he to was unable to speak. I would go home crying most of the time. It’s like being a prisoner within your own body. Holidays are difficult for many who suffer losses of all types, personal, physical, economic, social etc. all we can do is try to get thru it. I wish anyone who is suffering from the pain of loss inner peace and the ability to survive and go on. Sending love💕, 🙏prayers, hope 🦋, peace thru Christ .✝️

Oct 20, 2019 6:12 AM

Hi I’m still missing my parents both Mom Died November next been about 5 years since 2014... Dad the next year March 12
of 2015 . Everyone says I’m really coping but inside still bothers me .
I was with my Dad All the way till almost the very end . 1/2 hour then he passed away . I seen my Mom the Day before she passed away .So hug gently to everyone ......
Now I’m going through my back stuff and which my Parents were with me but I know they are in my Mind and Spirit.. I’m glad I have you guys and my Fiancé and where I live ..
I’ll pray for you guys like you guys do for me ))) Hug Flappy and all . I’m letting you know up date on me .. I’m still hurting my back on the right side since my Rhyitzotomy.
I’m use my fiancé walker to church going to later ...)))) Hes in his wheel chair. I’ll get my walker sometime soon insurance first ..
I just want to say all that hug to you all Shore🌈🌈🙏🙏❤️❤️🤗tyAnimal also .........

Oct 24, 2019 9:43 PM

All of you are the best friends anyone could have! Thank you so much for the expressions of comfort & encouragement, which was very much needed & appreciated! We all truly care about each other because we can relate to the chronic physical pain lifestyle, and know we arent judged here. Although im still facing rough things, im mentally in a much better place. Im not looking forward to the holiday season, and i know many of you feel likewise with your own recent (or not so recent losses). Please know i am also here for you all too. And Shore, I hope you're doing better. Wishing everyone a good weekend, with hugs love & prayers! 🙂💞❤🙏🌷

Oct 25, 2019 10:17 PM

You too FlappysLady and to all of us pain warriors out there. Hopefully our upcoming weekend will be filled with laughter , love and a sense of hope or the ability to cope in a daily basis with our chronic pain. FlappysLady if your listening do you have any problems with chronic muscle spasms with your legs? Anyone else? Being plagued daily with horrible muscle spasms to my ankles/feet.😥 Coping so far but very difficult some times.

Oct 26, 2019 7:58 AM

Hi do have leg pains bc if my back and deal with them it annoying me. Hug gently Shore🙏🙏❤️🤗🤗

Oct 26, 2019 8:57 AM

Painwarrior, I randomly get muscle spasms, usually at night. When I do I start taking a potassium supplement, or eat bananas. I do have hypnocogic jerks in my legs; sudden jerking movements that I'm not controlling or causing.

My biggest issue with my legs come from either neuropathy and/or blood circulation; stinging & burning symptoms late in the day through bedtime. The more I'm on my feet the worse the symptoms. I had to go back to wearing my thigh-high compression stockings, as I noticed my legs are also swelling again daily.

Have you tried rubbing pain ointment into your legs? I hope you can get some relief soon! Hugs love & prayers! 🙂❤🙏🌼

Oct 26, 2019 10:49 AM

I use theraworx. It does help some. I to have neuropathy to all 4 extremities. Burning tingling and nerve pain. Loss of feeling to parts of my feet ( base of toes pad on bottom) . Having additional problems on my thoracic region/ neck. So frustrating !😤 You to have leg pains Shore. 🤗. Night time is worse as you stated FlappysLady . Now with the clotting issues it seems to make my leg pain worse ( circulation problems) Just wondered since we share some similar conditions. The swelling of your legs...you said you have circulation problems. Has your doctors ruled out CHF? Just wondered. Thanks FlappysLady and Shore for your replies I appreciate it. Everyone have as best a day as we can. 🤗😘🦋🙏

Oct 30, 2019 12:14 PM

Painwarrior, my blood circulation is from vein reflux in my legs; the valves that should push blood up my legs (back to the heart) are collapsing and the blood flows backwards, which causes pooling of blood, swelling in the legs, and burning & stinging in the legs (the longer I'm up walking). Elevating my legs reduces some of those symptoms, but I need to have the bad veins closed off & until they reach a certain engorgement measurement the insurance says "not medically necessary.". Other than paplitations & mild mitral valve prolapse my heart is one of my healthiest attributes, medically speaking. 😉 Hugs love & prayers for a good day to all!🙂❤🙏🌼

Oct 30, 2019 1:00 PM

Wow FlappysLady! I have peripheral neuropathy and factor five clotting problems. As far as I know my heart is going strong. Do question whether I have some circulatory problems as well. Wouldn’t be surprised if I did as other family members did. Hope you have a great day. Cold weather is coming quickly upon us 🥶 I wish it weren’t so but 😔 .

Nov 08, 2019 8:31 PM

FlappysLady, hope your there. Been having a very rough time with the weather and my spine. Been noticeably worse. Right hip hurts all the time and my lower and upper back always. Seems overwhelming at times. I think of you and others and how we all suffer on a daily basis. I send you all 🤗😘 and 🙏.Its a tough journey but we don’t have to do it alone. ❄️🥶🌹🌴

Nov 09, 2019 6:02 AM

Hi pain my pain almost like yours hmmm . My injection shots left side star t November 12 . I get two rounds then Rhyitzotomy. But right now today my legs are really bothering me tingly and want to sometimes spasm . I even put theraworks and as per cream and take Tylenol for them...
My lower back hurts to and hips ..
Hmm 🤔 morning and night are worse .. what do you to to help?
It like my left bottom feet hurt when I do to much during the day ..
I hope that you gave a good morning..👍👍❤️🤗🤗Shore ... I think of every one here also .
O top of my left feet in pain sometimes also ...
Hug to all.... Later Diane hi to son flappy and all and animal lover

Nov 10, 2019 1:54 AM

FlappysLady81 - You go right ahead and unload as much as you need to. You have always been the voice of encouragement for so many here so often not complaining. So it's alright and there is no need to apologize. Our therapist can be the lifeline beyond the group here especially when we don't have family and friends who understand or are unwilling to listen. You are going through a lot and it can be disheartening and overwhelming. Not to mention discouraging. I get it. This is not the way we thought our life would be and this isn't what we planned. Who in their right mind as a child said I want to wake up everyday in pain with my body failing me? I have a friend who if I tell her about my chronic pain or a new debilitating diagnosis she tells me about the "gout" in her toe or that her belly hurts because she ate too much ice cream. It takes everything within me to restrain myself. So, I get offering to switch places with your husband. They really think they have problems... yet we often think... and know from being here there are so many others who have it worst than we do. I came on here to unload because I've been feeling really depressed after being denied Social Security Disability. I needed to talk to people who have been through it and understood. BUT, God brought me to your post first. My problem doesn't seem so big after reading your post. And I know you must be really struggling because you rarely complain. Don't go AWOL. We need you regardless of whatever state you are in and you need us. It's here that we find our strength among people who don't complain about wearing pads for a little while but can still go out and do all the activities that they want to do independently. We can't escape these bodies and we understand each other. All some of us can do is sit at the door or window and look out. I fell a few weeks ago. It was a bad fall. I'm so afraid of another fall like that. Winter is coming. I don't see myself going out much and that will drive me crazy. But I don't have a husband. And family don't want to be bothered. They are embarrassed of me being on a cane... and now a walker. I'm so sorry about your losses. It is always difficult around the holiday when there are empty chairs where our loved ones use to sit. You are so blessed to have your grandchild. I am sure she enjoys her time with you. And even though your daughter won't modify their home for you maybe they can come to your home for the holidays. There are portable ramps. That would require your husband to set up. Just a suggestion you may have already considered. It stinks when our insurance can dictate what we need and don't need. It seems like they delay care and extend our illness. Try not to get too stressed. You know stress only causes us more pain and other health issues. And I am not practicing what I am preaching because I have been crying all weekend. God says we will only suffer for a little while. Unfortunately, a thousand years is like a day to God. LOL! If only, If only we could take off these bodies like we do our clothes and hang them up on a hanger, close them in a closet and have a choice about putting them on again... I think this is something we'd all put in the trash. I'd like to offer this... God allows things in our life for a reason. He didn't cause our illness nor cause our bodies to fail us but He has allowed it. If I didn't have chronic pain and all my other medical problems I would never have been sought this site.... and I would not have met you and all the other people that I've developed a bond. I thank God for you!

Nov 10, 2019 7:21 AM

Hi keeper I loved what you said I’m going through something now even. My mom passed away about 6 years ago 2014 ... November 16 marks her anniversary date .. I’m going to Cracker Barrel with my fiancé and my friend Sharon the 16..
My fiancé says we can celebrate her life while we are out ..
My back really hurts today and my legs . I just keep use my walker and my cane to help me out .. I also have a friend who’s boyfriend is in hospice now . When ever she needs me I told her I would see her In heart beat she live down south ..
I am also going to my niece house 23 for Christmas just not sure how my back and legs will work out then..
But anyways that all on me hug gently I’ll say prayers hug Shore 🌈👍❤️🤗sorry. Long

Nov 11, 2019 10:07 PM

Wow I was gonna complain about how much pain I’m in but after reading both of your entries I decided I’ll do fine. Sisters keeper we all miss FlappysLady, she is an important part of this forum. I have a strong gut feeling she is reading all our input but just can’t seem to become active yet maybe needing some down time for herself. Go on FlappysLady, you e helped so many you deserve a break. We want you to know we will be here any time you need us hear? Sisters keeper, I’m sorry that you seem not to have anyone there who will listen or care about you. We do! Really we are the only ones who truly understand your pain and suffering. You yell out anytime you feel like it hon. We all vent at some time or another right Shore. I’ve vented to all of you as well. I’m so sorry that you were denied disability. Try again. A lot of people get in the second time. Don’t lose hope. A belly ache sure can’t compare to what we suffer every day. Perhaps they just feel the need to belong ( needed) FlappysLady has stated that she had suggested to her daughter that they would build a ramp over her house so she could come and visit. Unfortunately her daughter said no. The reason why?perhaps a portable ( folding ramp) might be something they might be open to? No body wants to be lonely or depressed during the holidays. I try not to think of all the loved ones in my family that are gone now. Doesn’t do me any good to think of it plus I know that they would not want me feeling depressed over it ( because they love me). Hang in there my sisters keeper. I care about you and you can talk to me anytime. Shore, I think it’s great that your celebrating her life instead of focusing on her passing ( death) I’m using my quad cane all the time now. I’m in the “doughnut hole” so $ is very tight because of the additional cost of my meds right now. Because of that I’ve had to cut my important meds from 3 a day to 1-1/2 a day till the end of the year except “ Thank you God” my pain meds which I’ve gone from 4 to 3 a day. Shore glad to see you are using your walker. We all hate having to use them ( me to) but I feel blessed that it’s not a wheelchair like I know there are others who have to depend on them. As the therapist told me once maybe twice ( lol) not to look at life as though it was a 1/2 empty glass except look at our life as though it was 1/2 full! We can choose to focus on what we don’t have or focus on what we should be grateful for. I will pray for you FlappysLady, Shore and MySistersKeeper. Keep a smile 😀 on your face and a song 🎼 in your heart. 🤗😘😀🎼🦋🙏

Nov 11, 2019 10:50 PM

Hi ty pain warrior for say that .. right now I’m anxious sad and nervous all in one ..
My friends boyfriend I talked about well, I got the instant message tonight he’s got a week to live . I maybe seeing my friend in January sometime....
Plus I’m have my injection shot testing on left side then another then Rhyitzotomy on my left side...
But I know I can do it bc I have done it before...
Yuo I miss you to Flapoy Lady I hope you write soon I miss you chatting with us , you inspire me ....
You inspire all of us to keep on going I love that ..
My fiancé and others where I live do you I’m beginning to realize that now more and more..
Btw. I’m going to my Neice Christmas party dec 23 . Nervous on that one to ...
Hug to you all I gtg night Shore 🌈🌈❤️❤️🤗like my fiancé all ways says keep the faith to me ))))))) later

Nov 13, 2019 9:24 PM

Sorry Shore, Had a couple days of bad pain. Went to Rheuatoogist today. She changed my meds to 3,200 mg Gabapentin and put me on prednisone again. Sorry about your friends boyfriend. It’s got to be very hard to have to deal with. Oh your going to a Christmas party! How nice! I haven’t gone to one for a long time. Enjoy yourself. You sound more positive about your treatment now... great! Take Care Shore and a shout out to your fiancé’ Glad your doing ok take it one day at a time . Unfortunately that day can be very rough sometimes. 🌸🙏🦋🧚‍♀️

Nov 14, 2019 7:42 AM

Hi pain not exactly yet , they said I’m nit a good candidate fir the Rhyitzotomy on my left side after they tested .
I guess I should of said it was a 6 I said 5 how ky pain is. I didn’t know they want higher number 6 mean 60 percent got insurance. So I write to my dr in my chart last night . I’ll here maybe today I’ll let you know. But I’m frustrated right now.
I’m thus right now here ... I am try to stay positive but I’m not sure yet . Sigh 😔 I get so far then this happens. So not out of the woods just yet . But I ty fir the support and prayers. I’m not sure what to do next is all .. hug ty Shore🌈🌈🙏🤗❤️❤️ later

Nov 15, 2019 9:55 PM

Hang in there Shore. It’s hard to know what they are looking for. You did fine. You told them the truth that’s all you can do. Just take it as it comes. Jan 15th I have to have a colonoscopy. Kind of concerned but I’m not gonna let it get me down. After all if there is something more serious with me ( such as cancer) I can’t change it by being upset by it. Just take what life gives you and deal with it the best you csn. Your doing just fine. I’m proud of you. You’ve been able to tackle a lot in your life and you can do this to. Don’t let it get you down. Deal with what’s going on and move on to what you need to do next. Sending you prayers and 🤗. Hoping your weekend brings you relaxation and positive vibes. Ask for another back rub from your sweetheart and talk to him about your concerns. He seems like a caring person. Take Care Shore. Remember “This to shall pass” just a little bump in the road of life. 🌸🙏💞🤗😘

Nov 15, 2019 10:02 PM

FlappysLady, missing you buddy! Hope all is going well with you. There have been many many times when you have offered support to others when they were facing trying times. My friend we are all there with you and are hoping you are well and want you to know that we all thank you for your support and compassion for all of us. During this difficult time in your life, we want you to know we 💞 you and wish you the best. Take Care and come back when your ready but know your sorely missed. 🤗😘🙏🦋🌸💞

Nov 15, 2019 10:34 PM

Hi Pain ,, ty very much for saying that . Tomorrow marks 5 years since my Mom past and just frustrated right now . I’m going out though with my fiancé and friend for lunch , going to Cracker Barrel tomorrow...
today was really busy day I went to Therapy and Walgreens and then another place and home...
I’m going soon to bed . Ty pain ... Fkk ok spot I miss you hug gently hi to all 🌈🌈🙏🤗🤗❤️Shore I’m just tired later
hi I’m sending pray your way to

Nov 17, 2019 12:12 AM

Your welcome Shore. Emotional pain takes a lot out of us physically as well. My mom passed in 2012. I miss her as well. At Christmas I bake a cookie recipe that she always made ( spritz butter cookies) she loved us all ; 5 girls and our baby brother. I try hard not to think about the fact that she’s gone but focus on sweet memories of her, my dad and 2 other sisters that have gone on to be with the Lord. Cracker Barrel is one of the most enjoyable restaurants to go to. Enjoy yourself. I love their chicken and dumplings. Thanks for the 🙏. We can all use them. I will say some for you and your fiance’ Having a rough time tonight is going to be a long night. Take care and sending you and all the pain warriors tonight my love and gentle hugs {{🤗}} and 🙏🙏and wishing you all as restful a night as is possible. For those who are struggling tonight I send 🦋hope that the good lord gives you the ability to endure your pain. Best wishes.🌸🎄🙏😘🤗💞

Nov 17, 2019 5:50 AM

Hi Pain you are so thoughtful in what you say ty very much btw it was really nice I had Meatloaf chicken dumpling sampler it was really good . But had little heat burn last night but it’s ok ..
I’m just frustrated with my back and legs the way they are right now I won’t know till Monday about it ...
I’m so glad I stuck around here you guys really help in support and everything. Flappy Lady we all miss you very much I hope you write soon again...
Hug gently to you all o btw I got a nice sweat shirt with a pretty design .. teal green kinda of color..
Shore🌈🤗🤗🙏❤️❤️later I love central state United States. Are you in United States to Pain hug gtg ))))

Nov 19, 2019 3:38 AM

Their sampler at Cracker Barrel is one of my favorites.😋 Glad you had a great time. Teal is a very pretty color. I hear you on the frustration with your back and legs. Mine have been very bad. I hate nighttime the worse. I live in Central Pennsylvania. Where in the United States do you live? I hope FlappysLady is alright. She’s going thru so much. I’m worried about her. When people open up to you and you hear and share their pain it’s hard not to be worried about their well being. We all have to stay strong. You take care Shore. Sending my prayers 🙏🤗🤗🦋 to you Shore, to FlappysLady and to all the other pain warriors that fight the fight every day of their lives.

Nov 27, 2019 9:51 PM

Hello & thanks to all of you for your uplifting supportive words! I can't believe I've been offline so long, but a lot has happened & it's taken, or still taking all of my energy & concentration just to get through one day at a time. I had no intention of being gone so long, and I truly appreciate all your heartfelt support!

First off, I am doing as well as can be considering. I seem to be suffering memory issues more frequently, and I'm hoping it's just the stress. I forget within moments something I'm trying to talk about or something someone else just said to me. It's really been a struggle.

My hubby's hernia surgery went well but he's on strict lifting & activity limitations until after Christmas. Our daughter & son-in-law have gone grocery shopping for us every week because neither of us are to lift over 5 lbs. And for the first 3 weeks they were also doing our laundry! (Our washer burnt out again, 4th breakdown this year, and it took until 10 days ago for the warranty company to agree to buy it out & reimburse us). We bought a new washer with the reimbursement & decided to replace our 12 year old dryer (no more running double cycles to dry our clothes)...whoopee! I purchased a small rolling cart, like those at laundromats, to wheel our laundry across the house, and it works great for unpacking groceries too. It's been well worth the $80 I paid! Anyway, I have been so thankful for my daughter's & her hubby's help; I dont know what we'd do for grocery shopping & other little errands she's helped with. We actually just came home from their early Thanksgiving dinner (all the kids go to other parents homes tomorrow), and it was nice. We all managed to get me up & down their steps without me falling, but it was scary going down.

Just a little update medically:
(1) I talked to my rheumatologist and she confirmed that my newly forming arthritic cysts (multiple joints) & the connective tissue disease (CTD) is connected or due to my Sjogrens, and said it's only going to get worse. It is what it is and I'm taking it more slowly, one day at a time. She left my meds as they have been.

(2) I am back in PT after finally getting a knee MRI; no torn meniscus (Yay!), but sprained & lots of floating pieces of bone fragments. The doc said due to the CTD, any surgery may cause more harm than help, and I agreed. But this time I chose a different therapist and after my first visit he educated himself more on CTD. Today he told me that due to the CTD we are going to progress slowly towards regaining my knee & hip mobility (yes, its re-weakened due to knee injury, and I'll definitely not be cane walking (off walker) anytime in the near future. He said he could feel specific tight muscle areas as well as very weak areas, and he doesn't want to push me too hard too fast that I end up even further from my goal. He did warn me I'll hurt tomorrow, just from stretches he did to the adductor and abductor muscles.

(3) We drove to Emory university hospital to see a Neurosurgeon orthopedist about my spine. First & foremost, he said unfortunately that any surgery needed will have to be done posterior along the spine, through a 6-9 inch long incision. So the current surgeon is right on that. However, he's ordered a cervical MRI to get a better look at the C3-4 & C7-T3 areas. He stated, "There are many pro football players who are out on the field currently playing ball with pseudoarthoses issues. Your neck is stable enough with the plates & screws, and you dont need to stress over screws working loose. We can go in and redo the surgery posteriorly for the pseudoarthroses, using your own bone this time as implant tissue, but given your fibromyalgia and CTD issues, I do not recommend it unless some nerve or spinal cord impingement shows on the MRI." You can imagine the relief & weight of worry that lifted off both mine & my hubby's shoulders! So as my spine stands, unless the MRI says surgery is a must, I'll not be having spine surgery...and if it's ever needed I'll be going to Emory! That doctor did say if he has to do any surgery then I'm guaranteed a huge increase (50-75%) in both muscle pain & neuropathy due to having to cut through all the muscles, tendons, & ligaments, & my having fibromyalgia and CTD. But I found out from my insurance company that gabapentin is now on the list of controlled substances and changes in 2020 may affect us all!

Well, enough on me, especially since my memory is getting sluggish...lol. Those are the main 3 issues I'm dealing with the past month or more. It's hard for me to get around, even with the walker. And I'm sure I'll eventually need a hip replacement, but maybe PT will help me buy a little more time. 🙏 Oh, I did get another bone density scan, and even though I'm still only osteopenia (not osteoporosis), my bone loss is worse, especially in the hips & lumbar-sacral region...where my worst pain is focused. My risk for a spine or hip fracture increased 12-15% since the one done 5 years ago; and I'm more at risk in the next 5 years, so I certainly fear falling now! I guess that's why the hip surgeon didnt know I'd need a hip replacement until he got inside & saw the joint himself. I'll go to Emory for that too when it's time. But I'm praying God will stop any further degeneration of my hips & spine...& mind.😉

Shore I've seen your various posts & just know I'm praying for you & your friend. Hopefully you'll get some answers soon on the touch sensitivity.

Painwarrior, I've missed you all too! You are a major support for many of us too, and you somehow seem to know just what to say that shines a little light. Thank you! Dont sell your own problems as "less than others", because no matter how big or small, it helps to share them.

MySistersKeeper, thank you for your warm & caring words too! I'm so sorry to hear what you have been going through. To know you lack understanding and helpful family & friends nearby just breaks my heart. I couldn't help but think... it's a shame that people like us dont have communities to live in (our own homes but with others in similar situations on our block) who can step up and help each other out. I wouldn't want it like the "assisted living" places that drain almost every dime for every single thing they do. But something like a "tiny home community" for the able minded but physically challenged people would be great. We fall between the cracks of the truly independent able-bodied & the totally incapable bodies people.
Anyway, if I could I would so be there to help you! I spend a lot of time watching nature shows because I'm not able to get outside & enjoy it like I use to. When my disability was first denied I was so frustrated. But I hired a lawyer and got it thank goodness. It's not near what I use to earn working; heck it doesn't even amount to minimum wage, but every penny helps. As for your friend who has to compete with her ailments, I get it. My friend does the same thing, researching my diagnoses and then saying she thinks that's been her problem too. Irks me to no end but I bite my tongue. I sure wish we could shed our outer bodies & put on a new one daily! Boy wouldn't my hubby be thrilled!😉🤣 He use to say he never knew if he was going to be sleeping with a blonde, brunette or redhead, because I changed my hair color often...now I'm just "au naturale," meaning gray highlights.

Moparmom, I truly understand what you're going through. But try to let your real feelings show to your kids. They need to learn now that grieving is part of life, and you can show them it's ok to feel grief. My Mom would have been 86 on the 15th, and she's been gone 20 years. My Dad's only been gone 18 months. And yet it feels like only yesterday for both, and holidays are not the same. One daughter's in Texas and because of our health we won't even be with her at all this year; she travelled so much when my Dad was sick & came in last Christmas, so she can't afford travel this year. I planned a dinner last Sunday for my siblings to come to our house and both sisters came but my brother didnt. He didn't want to "get out in the crowd", but he will go to a restaurant tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Ugh! I wasn't even sure my sisters were coming until the last minute, and we all live 45 minutes apart. Yes, time passes, we lose loved one's, and life is never the same. But our cherished memories can help us get through the holidays. My hubby & I will go out to eat Thanksgiving because it's too hard to fix for just us two, turkey that is. We just are starting new traditions. I will be thinking about you & praying for you, as I know this season will be especially difficult for you. So many of us are in the boat with you, but we will all get through it, together!

Thank you for your kind support ChrisinSpokane. You are so right that we are never alone.

Sending hugs love & prayers for everyone, and may you all have a safe & blessed Thanksgiving!🙂💞❤🙏🌷

Nov 28, 2019 8:42 AM

It's so good to hear from you FlappysLady81. I'm sorry to hear of your continued pain and other stuff going on. I'm old enough now I can get help through my county's senior help. They provide someone to clean my apartment. 5 dinner meals a week, and this thing I wear around my neck that I can call for help if I fall or something. It's based on income. So I pay 15%. Oh they also provide a taxi. That comes in handy since I don't drive. I'm going to my niece's house Friday for Thanksgiving. My sister and 2 of her kids and their families will be there. I'm thankful they include me. It's hard after our parents passed away and all my family moved away. Hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

Nov 28, 2019 8:54 PM

Hi animal I have the same problem about family . But I’ll be seeing them at Christmas time though ))...
I seen my fiancé family today it was really fun I had fun)))). So I’m getting used to it all ...new today my best friends boyfriend passed away ty for your prayers hug shore ..🤗🤗🙏🦃🦃❤️

Nov 29, 2019 11:21 AM

AnimalLover2, that's wonderful you have those services available to you. We had a quiet day yesterday. I'm glad you had some family nearby to have Thanksgiving with.

Today I took a step & my hip pinched then buckled, and I just sat and cried a good 15-20 minutes. I'm having severe neuropathy pain, like sciatica but flowing down the back & on both sides of the leg into my toes. I literally thought I'd throw up from the sudden pain, just from taking a step. Today is a bad day. But hopefully it will ease up by bedtime.

Shore, I'm praying for your friend. I'm glad you & your fiancee had a good day. I've read other post to get caught up with everyone. You're having a hard time too, but hopefully it will get better soon.

Hugs love & prayers for a better day for all!🙂💞❤🙏🌷

Nov 29, 2019 12:12 PM

Hi ty Flappy ya I am but I have my fiancé family friends and you guys to help ..
Dec 5 I’m getting my follow up and talking to my regular dr about it . I think and they think I may have fibromyalgia. Hmm 🤔.
Hug to you and everyone ty hug and prayers .Yup it was yesterday my Best friend Boyfriend passed in the morning time I’ll be seeing her in Jan sometime..
My hips hurt to they pinch when I ever do to much in one day . My back also hurts like crazy sometimes. My fiancé puts as per cream and another thing on me..
But I did have a nice day wonderful day yesterday ... hug Shore 🙏🙏🤗🤗❤️❤️🌈🌈🌈😃

Nov 29, 2019 12:39 PM

I've had fibro since 2008 and it's very rough during flare ups. But my sjogrens is worse and the cause of my connective tissue disease, which is affecting my hip surgery (in May) from healing. It's also the cause of so many muscle sprains & strains over the past 3 years.

Nov 29, 2019 1:24 PM

I have it where when some just touches me I jump .. hmm 🤔. I never know when it happens.
Ty. Flappy hug to you Welcome back .. I’m talk to dr 5 about it also ..
I hope that you feel better to flappy )) I wish I could see pic of you hug .. I still can’t put pic in hmm oh well 😔 hug happy holidays Shore 🌈🌈🌈🤗🤗❤️❤️

Nov 30, 2019 8:02 PM

It sounds like you all had a happy thanksgiving. Hey FlappysLady I’m thinking about having our Christmas dinner celebration out this year. I’d provide the desserts and snacks,My hubby said if it’s to hard on me he would be ok about eating out the dinner. Now our son wants us to travel to his house the weekend of the 22nd. states he couldn’t come home on Christmas because their toddler is having problems sleeping in others houses.Dont mind going although the trip is hard on me, it financially. They don’t cook or bake so I would have to provide dinner for all of us, plus gas. Usually a 200$ cost plus provide a special dinner for our daughter when we come home on the 25th I’m sorry I shouldn’t complain I love them both.but they both have yearly incomes well over 100,00$ and we make less than 1/2 of that. Oh well sorry venting a little ok
A lot. Enough... glad to hear FlappysLady that your back, sounds like you have a lot of issues. Glad to hear your positive outlook. Happy to hear you were able to have dinner with your daughter. Your CTD sounds challenging but you have a “I can do” attitude that’s important.
Shore, sorry to hear about your Rhizotomy not being as effective as you wished. Hopefully your dec 5 th appointment with your doctor will be helpful. Animal Lover wow sounds as though your able to get the assistance you need. It’s great you can get a taxi. Sure beats waiting for a bus in the winter. It will be great for your doctors appointments etc. It took me a good week to decorate the house and it’s almost done. I’ve downsized on my decorating and baking. Trying my best to only put out what I feel is important. My hips the same. I’ve accepted it is what it is and am doing my best. Looking into getting a rollator as my walker is to wide and I’m side stepping here and there and there is no seat. I remember what you’ve said in the past FlappysLady about having to take off your doors. Ouch! Well I hope all of you can enjoy your holiday with your family friends and important others ( animals included). Here’s to a holiday with less pain and more love and laughter. Take care and Hod Bless. 🎄💤🙏💕🤗😘🦋

Nov 30, 2019 8:05 PM

Oops important- Take Care and God Bless!

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