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Just unloading...*sigh*😔

Sep 29, 2019 10:01 AM

I can so relate to others on not wanting to face the upcoming holidays, and this will be my 2nd season without my Dad. It might not be as hard if going to see my stepmom were enjoyable, but her conversation ability is minimal at best. I went to her doc appt the other day (1 yrs annv of hip break surgery) and he said there's no point in me trying to bring her to their office (on a gurney), with me on a walker & her at very late stage alzheimers. I couldn't help but choke up when I got home and looked at my family photos (at end of the hallway...in your face, can't miss them), and there's my Mom, my 1st stepmom, my Dad, & grandparents, all gone. And I feel like I'm hobbling along with one foot in the grave halfway.

As you can see I am fighting depression & I m just needing to dump the load so I don't hold on to it; the past week has made it super hard. I saw 3 orthopedic docs in the past 14 days: ...
1-spine surgeon, I told no to on the extreme radical cut to my back (C2-3 to T3-4, to re-fuse with my bone & put rods in), because I don't think I'd recover and I believe I'd end up with worse pain...
2- orthopedic for hip, the hip is no longer progressing (PT may have overworked me but I have multiple issues I'm fighting), & he said that it may take me 1 yr or longer to get fully healed if then (bc of multiple issues). And he informed me I'm still looking at a total hip replacement in 1-5+ yr anyway ... (why didn't he tell me that up front? I'd have gone to Emory for it instead!). And oh yeah, no more steps (my daughter's home has steps & they're unwilling to put in handicap ramp we've offered to pay for, because if I fell on their property!). He basically told me to go back to using the walker mostly and the cane minimally, reduce my overall activity; joyful boredom! The AFB air show is this weekend & he told me not to go bc it's too much walking, so I get to sit home, again...
3-ortho doc for hands & newly damaged knee, likely torn meniscus & diagnosed with new arthritic cysts on left hand knuckles plus I now have connective tissue disease. The insurance didn't approve the knee MRI so we did an injx on Thursday, and it helped a little. But just getting a shower, dressing, and fixing my hair, all causes the knee to swell & become so painful I can't walk the rest of the day.

I've tried to stay positive and do things to be upbeat but all I see is a long dull lonely sickly life ahead. You can relate! It sucks because others don't understand & change the subject when I try to express how I feel. Even my husband doesn't comprehend. He was moaning & groaning about having to wear pads since his prostate surgery because he pees on himself if he bends over. But the doc has already said that may improve in a year or 2. I finally went off on him and told him, "I'll trade you any day buddy boy... I'll pee myself & you can crap on yourself!" 😡 That's not me to be like that 😢 Lol, but he did shut up & hasn't complained in my presence since. But even so he works all day then rushes home to fix my meal, then rushes out the door to go treasure hunting or hiking. I sit at home or stay at the doctor. I don't understand what else I'm suppose to learn from it all, when I've been patient & calm, taking care of others while trying to see to my own needs. I still have faith in God, know he loves me. I just don't understand why this is all happening and what he expects from me at this point. My 13 yo grandchild can see me struggling to walk and steps up to help...she is my lifeline right now, what I'm holding on to & for. She needs me & I need her. My husband needs hernia surgery bc he got out in his shed doing too much too soon & fell, he didn't listen to me. But even after surgery he'll be right back to his same activities. He doesn't need me, yet I'm dependent on him. And when I ask for something extra I hear the "huff" under his breath. Besides you all, I have a cousin & few other friends I talk to here & there. Anyway I'm sorry to dump my load on y'all, but I just didn't want to hang on to it and feel worse. Thanks for listening! Thank goodness I see my therapist this week. I just wanted you to know even if I'm awol awhile (getting my head together), I'm still thinking about you, praying for you & love you all, because I get what you're going through!😘❤🙏🌻

Sep 29, 2019 2:34 PM

I'm so sorry you've got all that going on. I'm glad you felt you could unload of that here. I hope you feel better. That's why we're here.

Oct 01, 2019 5:25 PM

Hi guys I just had my eyes checked I don’t need eye glasses re newed this time yay ... my eyes are good)))).
Next Wednesday I go in for my procedure my fiancé usdrive he there he do wonderful to me ..
He even got my grocery that I needed bc my eyes were dilated.i day in his car and watched the rain come down )))) ..
He all ways says I have helped him so it my turn to bring helped out ))))) Hug to all I just want to up date you all in me hug gently Shore 🙏🌈🌈🤗❤️I can finally start to see again he he )) later

Oct 01, 2019 5:28 PM

Btw Flapoy I’m kinda like you I a way about the needing each other . It’s nice to be needed . But st the same time it feels like I’m a burden to everyone. But I’m slowly getting over that .. hug again sorry to here flapoy hug gently Shore 🙏🙏🌈🤗❤️

Oct 02, 2019 1:18 PM

FlappysLady, wow...😢 so very sorry to hear about your ongoing condition. I totally relate! Just yesterday my husband took me out for a ride. Had been tearful off and on because like you, I’ve done everything i can and yet my health problems ( pain related) are only increasing. Why why why??? The only thing I told myself is “I’m not gonna let you win” I think that’s the only thing I can hold onto. We might be down at times but “fight it!” With the grace of God we will pull through. Believe that .I know we all at times need to vent it’s only natural and healthy that we do. I’m sending you 🤗😘🙏 and hope 🦋 that you will get out of the depression you are in. Don’t forget to see your therapist. We all love you and want you to be the happy healthy ( as can be) person that you are underneath.
Shore glad to see that your eyes are ok. good luck on your upcoming procedure. 🤗🌸
Ps: FlappysLady, I totally understand if you need a little alone time to gather yourself back up. Will be praying for you my friend. Take care. Don’t forget to come back. Your the ray of sunshine 🌞 within the storm ⛈

Oct 02, 2019 1:37 PM

FlappysLady...you are needed in this world 🌎 of chaos and pain. You are loved 💕 and you are worthy of being loved🌸 Life gives us obstacles to overcome/ cope with. It’s not the obstacles themself but how we choose to deal with them. Don’t let these “steal your joy.” When we are at the lowest point In our life, the only way out is to look up 🙏 and out of ourselves. It’s when we focus on others we can help heal our inner pain.🦋 You show you know and willingly help (💕)others now it’s time to 💕 you’ 🌸

Oct 02, 2019 2:58 PM

Hi flappy lady and everyone I’m just have another frustration kind of day grr, .. My back is really bothering me and where we live there is going to be a festival in our lunch room. But I’m not going bc. To painful ..I’m getting the Rhyitzotomy next week ))).. I’m also dealing with other issues ,why does everything happen at the same time ugh grr ... Sorry I’m now venting oops..
I also get so mad when I’m not being listen to ... but anyways ty for your prayers and support..🌈🌈🙏🙏❤️❤️I’ll try and look up more .. sigh Shore hug gently

Oct 02, 2019 3:45 PM

Hang in there Shore. Sorry your having such a difficult day. Hope your back is feeling well enough that maybe you can go to the festival. Are there places to sit? Maybe you can enjoy just being there. We all vent it’s part of life. Doesn’t go the way we’d like for it to go at times. Take Care. 🦋🌸

Oct 02, 2019 3:56 PM

Hi pain ty I think I staying in it’s really pinching at times but ty .. I been to it before I’m just not in the mood either ...
Hug ty support gentle hug to you Shore 🌈🙏🤗🤗❤️

Oct 02, 2019 6:42 PM

I’m so sorry you are suffering so much! We have all been ther at some point...thinking we can’t bear any more...but we do...
Much love and healing to you and the many more that are also suffering. We’re all in this together, so we are never alone!

Oct 02, 2019 6:44 PM

Well spoken Chris. We “all” are indeed in this together. Sometimes it makes us feel so alone. 🌸

Oct 04, 2019 9:17 PM

Hang in there FlappysLady 🦋

Oct 07, 2019 3:20 AM

Flappy, I’m sorry your having to go through all of that, I can say your not alone on the holiday season, I’m not looking forward to this one, since my dad passed in August I’ve pretty much go to work and then come home to do more chores and then Without saying anything to anyone else I get changed outta my work uniform and lock myself in my room, while my kids are in school, I’ll act tough in front of them but inside I’m so completely broken. I’ll be praying for you my friend, and if you need anything I’m here. Love ❤️ hugs 🤗 and Prayers 🙏

Oct 19, 2019 6:49 PM

Moparmom and FlappysLady, I’m sorry to hear that you both are suffering from your personal loss. I personally know what it feels like to have A family member with Altzheimers. My dad also had it. In the late stages he to was unable to speak. I would go home crying most of the time. It’s like being a prisoner within your own body. Holidays are difficult for many who suffer losses of all types, personal, physical, economic, social etc. all we can do is try to get thru it. I wish anyone who is suffering from the pain of loss inner peace and the ability to survive and go on. Sending love💕, 🙏prayers, hope 🦋, peace thru Christ .✝️

Oct 20, 2019 6:12 AM

Hi I’m still missing my parents both Mom Died November next been about 5 years since 2014... Dad the next year March 12
of 2015 . Everyone says I’m really coping but inside still bothers me .
I was with my Dad All the way till almost the very end . 1/2 hour then he passed away . I seen my Mom the Day before she passed away .So hug gently to everyone ......
Now I’m going through my back stuff and which my Parents were with me but I know they are in my Mind and Spirit.. I’m glad I have you guys and my Fiancé and where I live ..
I’ll pray for you guys like you guys do for me ))) Hug Flappy and all . I’m letting you know up date on me .. I’m still hurting my back on the right side since my Rhyitzotomy.
I’m use my fiancé walker to church going to later ...)))) Hes in his wheel chair. I’ll get my walker sometime soon insurance first ..
I just want to say all that hug to you all Shore🌈🌈🙏🙏❤️❤️🤗tyAnimal also .........

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