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Least favorite pass time. Sorry in advance

Sep 01, 2016 1:55 PM

Laying in bed trying to discration myself from all my discomfort. And keep g my mind occupied so it won't sell on all the BS I've through. I'm so tired of life being so hard. Yeah. I know grow up little girl..i know..it's just hard right now. I've finally given in and accepted this is my life. For so e reason I hoped that would make things easier. Like I would have been given s good star for a job completed. Because as u all know it is a job to accept yourll never be the old u again.
Living with the fact that your body is permitted damages and will take year to repair to even just barely status is emotionally draining and painful. Thinking of all the choices I wish I had made
Adjusting to how your family responds to you and anyone who meets you. It's a lot to take in. Have massive tumors in case your body and having them on display everyday all day and night. A d having the medical community treat you as a lepper or some mystical medical mystery and send u on your way afyer documenting you for further study is the most empty feeling ever
Only second to the feeling of hearing those medical professionals say to you . " You'll never have children because the tumors have shredded tour uterus. However we will clarify you being a tumoral pregnancy." Basically I'm pregnant with tumor's that are to large to try and remove or try to birth.
So what do they do? They take a woman who's body looks and is responding as a pregnant person and turn off her entire system. Evey estrogen signals is turned off diverted and tricked. So now this body is stuck with what to do now. " Oh I thought I was Makeing a life?" So now I'll just stop. And have have your body turn on yiu.
All this while haveing to deal with chronic pain syndrome and fibromayalgia. Being a. Full productive himan being and having thst stopped suddenly and turned to a bed ridden pain in the butt to everyone around you.
What do u so with a life like this ? How do u so anything at all?😞

Sep 01, 2016 2:14 PM

I can't help you sorry. Different issues but I'm in the same place mentally.
All i can do is send support and hugs your way

Sep 01, 2016 2:17 PM

Thank you gotobef and that helps me a lot. More then you know. I'm sorry to hear you are still having issues with your job. I'm sending your relief and hugs also. And I'm not wearing any perfume or scents. 😀

Sep 01, 2016 2:42 PM

Awww thanks. I really needed that hug. I cried for most of the evening last night. The boyfriend opened the bedroom window and while i was in the shower the neighbours started their drier so the room was super smelly. And the spare room downstairs had scented candles stored in the closet before i got sick and now i can't go in that room. It was after 4 am by the time i could get to sleep. My alarm went off at 5:30am.
I hope that your doing a little better.

Sep 01, 2016 3:59 PM

Newfibrogirl when I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease 16 years ago, they removed my thyroid and I went through what they called "the storm". I couldn't keep myself awake no matter how much sleep I got, my body went into menopause and I was already going through issues and surgeries from my pain issues. I kept going to the endocrinologist and the Gyn and all of my other doctors. They gave me progestin to try to bring my periods back (I think that's what it was, I can't remember), and I'd get one cycle and it would stop and I'd have to take another round and the same thing would happen. It was crazy because mentally I was falling apart, crying for no reason, feeling like I was having PMS every day. I had a breakdown and it took 2 years for them to get my meds under control and finally I could think more clearly and I went the opposite way in that I couldn't sleep, I was dealing with horrible pain and then several years later I started getting a period again and guess what... Now that I'm 51 I'm going through menopause again!! Whoop- whoop!!! So exciting... NOT!! Oh well, I guess what I'm saying is that I know where you're at and some of what you've been going through. I want you to know that you CAN get through this. I know you feel defeated and confused. Instead of that, remember the things that you CAN do and that you like to do. Think of something positive each day. Turn on something mindless on the tv to make you laugh. You can do this, I know you can because I did and I'm no stronger than you. Hang in there Sweetie, you got this!!💕

Sep 03, 2016 10:27 PM

Newfibrogirl, I hear what you are saying and I can feel your pain. You're much younger than I was when my first tumor appeared, and because I'd already had everything removed the doctors were shocked that I grew a much larger tumor from residual ovarian tissue cells. I went through the injections, and yes it will make you depressed, moody, angry, all emotional. You are a stronger young lady than you think you are. But to find your inner strength you must get all the disappointment and anger out. Write about it. Cry it out. Talk to a counselor. Talk to us. We are here for you my sweet friend, and you go not ever have to feel alone. Hugs love and prayers for the strength you have to come forth! 🙂💕🙏🌸

Sep 03, 2016 10:34 PM

Thank flappys I appreciate it. I have been on a wild ride and I fear it's not even close to be over. I'm afraid of a lot even things I can't name. My pain has quadruple and its seems I'm Makeing everyone angry. My family is all sad and down now and sticking g all close since the bkow uo I know they are afraid of me harming myself. I can't believe i said it out loud. But it still feel like we all walking on egg shells . I am planning to ask.my GP for a referral for a councilor. I really do need that third party to help navigate this journey.

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