You go out drinking and dancing. I lay in bed screaming. You do chores around the house. I struggle to wash a few dishes because I might faint. You drive where you need to go. I scream while driving to help alleviate the pain from my back, legs and arms from steering and braking. You go to work or school. I go to the doctors and try treatments for three years that's don't help me. You hug your family and friends. I smile at mine because if I hug them my pain goes from an 8 to a 10. You have student loans. I have an unused GI Bill I earned but can't use along with thousands of dollars of medical bills. You go to a rave/party/date/dinner. I lay in bed wishing for a cure, not just for myself but anyone that lives in constant torture.
Thank you Ezaad! My doctors think I have CRPS/causalgia and Lyme disease but honestly it doesn't seem like they know for sure what's wrong with me. I hate having depression, I don't remember what it's like not to be really depressed anymore.
Wow! You surely expressed what I feel today and other days too... Eating burnt toast and hot chocolate while longing for pancakes, bacon and eggs... But the pain overtaking my legs and arms causing that type of breakfast to just be a dream.
Meganblondie I'm sorry for your suffering. Your post was insightful, powerful and very true for most of us that suffer with pain every day. It's a shame that most of the time we suffer in silence. I hope that the VA ER gets your Lyme's treatment started.. By the way, thank you for your service!! 💕
I finally got an appointment for April 5 to see the doctor and get treatment started! I'm so happy to have a good date to count on! I'm so excited to get more answers!
Yes Alwaysinpain I feel the same that we choose to suffer more in silence and only tell people we love a small fraction of how bad it is in fear of them getting stressed or worried. I had this calling ever since I was 13 to join, I don't know exactly why/how but I've always been super patriotic. I wish I could've stayed in my planned 20 years but life throws the craziest things at you when you think you have it all planned out! I miss my shipmates (coastguardmen) but I live vicariously through them still now! I hope everyone else reading keeps digging their pain and looking for answers! Thank you all for the support!
Wow, that sounds like it should be a poem. I totally relate to the gravity of circumstances whiles not enduring and knowing your pain. But it sounds like a lot, like more than you can handle at times. I am sorry. Our friends and family really need to see letters like this. I am going to show mine. I don't usually show them anything off of our support group but I am going to show them that because they look down on my weaknesses and inability to do something. I hardly ever ask them to do anything for me but when I do they act like there is no reason for me to ask. In three months, I have only asked my kid to go to the store once for me and they gave me a hard time so I went myself. I really hurt pain wise. But it is like they don't see it. That poem was so good about seeing it and being in the present.
Thats ok mean. We need to stick together. So many people who haven't experienced depression or sickness often don't understand where we are coming from. I get told to get over it all the time and that it's my own fault. Why would I want to feel so bad that I tried to take my own life nearly succeeding in may 2015 ended up in an induced coma from hanging myself and lack of oxygen (i had to be cut down from a fence and i wasnt found straight away) my family was told I would probably wake up a vegetable luckily for my little girl i woke up with only some memory loss. Unfortunately dhs took her off me even though i made sure she was looked after by her grandmother who since birth has been her secondary caregiver as her father was never around often in a different state! But they gave her to him and his an alcoholic i have been waiting since October to get her back court is 2 weeks into April i pray i get her back. Shes my only reason for living! I didnt mean to attempt suicide my brain chemistry caused that and now I'm on medication that automatically fixed the issue. They took her off be before i had even been assessed and the pyschiatrist said she be returned to me immediately but no ive waited 6 months 7 by the time i go to court. I better get her back! Back to you i hope you get better soon. Find a medication that helps the depression to relieve one of your many symptoms. I wish you a speedy recovery megan just know people do care. I dont know you and I care. All the best lovely xoxo
Ezaad I understand the not being in control of your brain chemistry. My DNA has caused me to always have suicidal ideation all my life. I thought this was normal but it seems only people with a certain gene have it! I'm sorry you've had to deal with these feelings and life changes! I try to just go with what happens and think everything has to happen for a reason.
Profiler, I wish more people could talk freely to their friends and family about how they feel without judgement. I hope more of us can write some letters to people we care about and tell the truth about how we feel instead of bottling it up and stressing out more.
Hi everyone, Thank you all for speaking up about depression (because I don't). Many of us feel it deeply and often and need to talk about it. In tears now. I'm going to start a heading for depression. Hope you'll join me.