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Lost

Dec 16, 2017 11:19 AM

Has anybody ever wanted to get better but you been sick for so long ur head says why anymore? All u wanna do is cry and hide.

Dec 16, 2017 11:44 AM

Yes. I've had ATN (constant acheing crushing face pain) for 3 years and 1 month. I'm 27 and I constantly have to remind myself that I can still have a life worth living ahead of me.

I am gonna have to change my medications again (maybe 7th time will be the charm?) because side effects have taken over and I am still in medum levels of pain everyday. It is insanely frustrating.

I can no longer work full time. Social events leave me needing 1-3 days of cocooned recovery time. And my husband and I are planning to adopt children because I am not physically stable enough to have my own. I still worry often that I don't have what it takes to be a good mom while in pain or strung out on med side effects.

Sometimes it just feels like too much to take.

I do try to count my blessings when I am feeling down. I found a part time job, I don't love it but it is low stress. I have a very supportive husband and extended family. I have a place to live. And as crappy as the meds are they are better than the nothing I had for the 5 months it took to get diagnosed. Those five months almost killed me, litteraly, between the sleep deprivation and the depression, I thought about how nice dying would be hourly. So at least I am in a better position than I was then.

I've been sinking back tword depression the last few weeks as I aknowleged to myself that I was going to have to change meds again. It just seems so hopeless after years, I don't expect any treatment to work anymore so all that is left is fear and frustration with how innefetive and side effect filled the medications are.

Sorry for the long somewhat neggitive post, I just wanted to express how I understand, and maybe get some of it off my chest. I also know that if we keep going and keep trying there are better days ahead, but sometimes I (maybe we?) Just need a few days to wallow and mourn our lost health and energy before we pick up and keep treking. I wish you the best!

Dec 22, 2017 11:03 AM

I have chonic pain syndrome. Every joint I have in my body hurts like a son of a. I am seeing a psychologist do deal with still working and the depression which has been setting in. There are days when I am curled up into a ball, trying to control my emotions.
If I didn't have a great wife, I don't think I would be fighting it as much as I am.
Hang in... I know it's tough. I wish nobody had pain.

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