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Making big decisions while in a flare

Jun 24, 2017 1:51 PM

As I sit here in bed already, I've been here since 3.30 today, I'm having a rather long painful flare up so obviously feel more emotional than normal. I'm trying to make my mind up if I'm staying in this relationship to keep a roof over my head or if I love my fella that much I'm prepared to deal with his s**t My partner is an arse hole who puts himself, football and all his friends before me. Our life during the football season is a strict timetable, his friends are in our house 3,4 sometimes 6 times a week to watch football and on a fri they come to drink till all hours of the morning. I'm in bed from about 7.30 pm every night that they are in, I feel like I'm being excluded from having a life. I'm beginning to feel like the proverbial chief cook and bottle washer as he does absolutely nothing. I have to give in and do it eventually because seeing the mess makes me agitated and stressed. We don't do anything together other than a once a week trip to the shops for his beers and any other shopping we might need. We have no intimacy other than me to tickle his arm all night. He speaks to me really aggressively and as if I'm a piece of something on the sole of his shoe in front of family and friends which embarrasses me no end.
I gave up everything to be with him and I regret it with every fibre of my being right now. I'm so upset and feel like just packing my bass and leaving it's just hard as I have nowhere to go to and not enough finances to start from the beginning again. I'm so sorry to moan at you all.

Jun 24, 2017 2:57 PM

Speak with your family! If he talks bad to you in front of them, you speaking to them about it might be what they are waiting for.

Jun 24, 2017 3:03 PM

It's his family, they all just sat there, nobody said a word but after the fact they tell me hthey think he's out of order but won't tell him. I gave up all mine to move to where he lives or should I say where I now live. I've only seen them twice since I moved over 2 years, once for a funeral of my baby sister and once for the birth of my beautiful great niece (her mum is my sister that passed away)

Jun 24, 2017 3:31 PM

turn the tables. Give him a dose of reality by treating him the exact same way. There are men that do care for their women and this is not one of them. I've seen this happen to many times, so sorry you have to put up with his selfishness!
I met my current wife of25 years because of similar circumstances. I told her that not all men are the same, she now knows what a real man is like and she is so happy, as well as I to be with such a beautiful individual.

Jun 24, 2017 6:37 PM

Thank you so very much, today I did snap back today at his elderly fathers but I felt so very embarrassed behaving like that.
My previous partner treated me like a princess, he did everything for me but through alcohol I lost him.
Maybe I'm comparing him and he's not coming out too well but I just feel so desperately unhappy.

Jun 24, 2017 7:51 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this! It doesn't help that you are going through a flare as well! Hang in there!Take the time to make a decision with plenty of thoughtS and planning!

Jun 24, 2017 8:18 PM

I'd say your being taken for a mug. Does he ever appreciate what you do or help you clean up after their mess. Do you have children? Flare ups mean we are more emotional but that doesn't mean you need to stay with an arsehole just to be with someone who treats u and your home like a hotel. Tell him. 1-2 nights week mates over and football practice and games then put your foot down! YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS SO DEMAND RESPECT OR FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL LOVE APPRECIATE AND RESPECT! Chin up xxx

Jun 30, 2017 5:24 AM

Oh Cinders I'm soo sorry you're in this position. Just the fact that you're questioning whether you love him or not is a big clue but only you can make this decision.
I know you've said you lost your family to be with him so maybe it's time to start rebuilding those relationships again....we all make decisions that we regret but the trick is to learn from them and either build up to make it a positive or to start all over again.
If you are struggling with his behavior then it may be worth speaking with citizens advice bureau, the council or woman's aid to see if there's anything they can do to help....just from what you've said he is a narcissistic person and is being abusive towards you, just because he's not violent doesn't mean it's not abusive and to be honest I've found mental and emotional abuse leaves the deepest scares 😞.
I would strongly recommend speaking with woman's aid as they can give you advice on what will be the best course of action for you whether it be to go to the council to be placed in emergency housing which may be a bed and breakfast to begin with or they may suggest going in to a woman's refuge. Neither option is ideal but they are a stepping stone to getting your life back trust me I've been there it's the reason I have trigeminal neuralgia and fibromyalgia.
If you need anything just PM me, I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner but as you know I've not been on here due to withdrawal and life being hard but I'm coming out now on the other side a tiny step at a time.

Sending you positive vibes and warm healing protective hugs xx 💖💞💖 xx

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