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My mother is dying..

Nov 06, 2016 3:16 PM

Hey all. I haven't been around a lot. Between a wicked shoulder injury and finding out my mother is fighting for her life right now, and tying to deal with my abusive family, where's there's been some estrangement and all blame is on me, trying to decide whether to fly home into the Lions den without my Hubby, because I live numerous Provinces away, and not having the money to do all this has been a nightmare. My mother is on life support in a medically induced coma. Before it got this bad she told my family not to tell me she was sick because I didn't care enough to stay in contact. That's bullshit their abuse is horrendous to say the least. I had to separate myself to survive. Because they are narcissistic, they only see what they think I haven't done and nothing I have done which is a lot. They were never there for me, even when I was fighting my life. My 14 year old Nephew didn't know not to tell me so he let me know. How sad that kid felt he had to tell me. I haven't had time to wrap my brain around my mother's likely death because I'm dealing with constant attacks from family. It's so tiring. They don't acknowledge my illness at all.

Nov 06, 2016 4:46 PM

Oh Gibber, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. And it's a shame the family is treating you so! I've been in very similar dysfunction myself, and unfortunately separation is sometimes the only way to escape being like others and survive. Try and block your family's actions and remarks out, and focus on you and your mom. Sending you lots of hugs, love, and prayers of support! 🙂💕🙏🌸

Nov 06, 2016 5:03 PM

Sending positive energy your way. I hope things start to get better for you soon!


Nov 06, 2016 5:20 PM

I'll be thinking of you and sending kind thoughts. Narcissist s are never easy to deal with and I can't imagine when they are your family ... big hugs.

Nov 06, 2016 6:18 PM

Gibber I am so sorry to hear about this. The situation you are in a difficult to say the least. I can't imagine having to make the decision to go or not. And not being able to have your hubby by your side for support and protection, I can't imagine wanting to make the trip. I hope that whatever you choose to do is the right decision for YOU and that you are comfortable with it. Sending positive vibes, gentle {{{Hugs}}} and well wishes your way. 💕😊🤗

Nov 06, 2016 6:34 PM

I'm sorry. Hugs

Nov 06, 2016 7:47 PM

Sorry to hear your sad news. Do what you have to do, so when your mom does pass you'll have peace in your heart. Go to the hospital when no ones looking to block them (so called family) out. Focus on your needs not theirs! Prayers and gentle hugs your way!

Nov 06, 2016 8:02 PM

Thank you so much everyone. I'm humbled and in tears at your kindness and support when you're all fighting hard battles yourselves. Lots of love to you all. 💜

Nov 06, 2016 8:06 PM

So sorry, I will pray for you and your family. Please, if you are able,go be with your mother. Don't let anyone keep you from that.

Nov 06, 2016 8:07 PM

Thank you so much 💜

Nov 06, 2016 8:38 PM

Oh Gibber I am so sorry for the situation with your family and about how ill your mother is.
The only advice I can offer is to do what's right for you....if that means staying at home so you don't have to deal with your narcissistic family then be at peace with yourself and know you made the right choice for you....or if you want to go to your mother then do that and try to go at times your family are not there to bully you or if they are there try to ignore them (I know easier said than done).
REMEMBER that whatever decision you make is the right decision for YOU.
If possible would it be an idea to block the family members who keep attacking you?
I'm soo sorry you're having to cope with all of this, you're in my prayers and I'm sending you { { { BIG GENTLE HEALING LOVING HUGS } } } XX

Nov 06, 2016 9:04 PM

Thank you so much Sezzy. I'm only in contact when I have to be via text or phone. Hubby often makes the calls for me. We call the hospital for updates. That option was taken away from me. Hubby called my dad today and got him to give me back that option. He is protecting me and my dad responds better to him.
Right now although critical my mother is stable so I'll check with the hospital tomorrow and see where she's at. If there's a chance she will be woken up in a couple of days I may wait for that. If she takes a turn for the worse I want to be at the funeral. I can only make the trip once. If she passes away then Hubby can come with me. My sister right now is being the most vicious one. My dad is falling apart. The same man who threatened to drown her once when she was in kidney failure because her disease was wrecking his plans. The same man that refused to allow her to get the kind of dialysis she needed to save her life because it would take up too much of his time. She ended up in the hospital for a week to get her back almost dead then because of it, is now falling apart over this? He sounds very different than he ever has before. Real tears and grief not his usual manipulative crocodile tears but it's weird. He's viciously abused her our whole lives now he wants her?! It's hard to trust or wrap my brain around.

Nov 06, 2016 9:15 PM

He probably never thought it was as serious as it actually is so he's probably not only realised that she might not pull through but he's feeling guilty about her not getting the treatment she needed. He may also if your mum does pull thro and gets better enough to go home, he may go back to his old ways or there is the small possibility that he'll treat her bette......sorry to say this but that's a small possibility.!!!
I have found families can be the most spiteful people there can be and they know just what to say and do to pull on the heart strings and make you feel guilty for things that are nothing to do with you.

I wish there was something more I could do other than sending you healing prayers and virtual hugs xxx

Nov 06, 2016 10:14 PM

You've been amazing. If she comes home I'm pretty sure he would go back to his old ways. Him almost causing her death was few years ago now.
I'm truly sorry that you understand this. It means you've been through it.

Nov 06, 2016 10:33 PM

Unfortunately to a small degree with my family and there are times it still happens (my dad being the worst for it) but the majority was with my ex husband and his family, they all knew how to do and say things that made me feel like a second class citizen if I didn't do what they wanted they made me feel like I was a failure as a parent and a person. The backhanded compliments were their favourite.

if there was something I could do for you I would but being soo many miles away the only thing I can offer is a shoulder to cry on. If you ever need to talk just message and I'll answer, I'm sorry there's not more I can do.

Know in your heart that you do what is best for you and never let anyone try to change or belittle that.

Your hubby sounds like an amazing person who cares and loves you deeply, he's a rare find. Two beautiful people inside and out xxx

Nov 06, 2016 10:38 PM

That's awful. I'm sorry you've gone through it. Your x and his family sound like my family.
You've honestly done a lot and I'm grateful thank you. Same you if you ever need to talk.
I am so thankful for my Hubby.
You're a beautiful person as well. 💜

Nov 06, 2016 10:54 PM

Yes they weren't very nice people at all but it has made me a little stronger altho with the PTSD I don't see it most of the time!

Don't forget that you are a strong person, you might not feel it but you are. Your hubby can see it and he supports you in every way he can just as you do for him.

We are warriors who can take on anything that crosses our paths.

Keep strong and make sure you do what is right for you xx

Nov 06, 2016 10:59 PM

I hear you I battle PTSD too. Thank you. We are warriors.

Nov 07, 2016 12:56 AM

Gibber I hope you keep yourself safe as you navigate these irrational family politics. Sending you sunshine ☀️

Nov 07, 2016 1:54 PM

Thank you so much Kiwi. Right now we're all working together a little better. Good thing I chose not to go. My mom has pneumonia, influenza, and a vicious viral lung infection. My dad also has the viral infection. It's almost killed my mother because she's on immunosuppressive drugs to keep from transplant rejection. I'm on them for lupus. Had I gone it could have killed me.
The cautious hope is they'll be waking her up in a week or so if she survives until then. So we'll see then. Because of the risk to my life, I may not go at all.

Nov 07, 2016 2:20 PM

Oh Gibber, I'm soo sorry that sounds like a horrible concoction of viral infections for your mum to have.
Please keep yourself safe from both the vital infections and the family politics....I know you're all working a little better right now but just stay a little cautious. I don't want to put a downer on everything now but I don't want you to get hurt if things go back.

You're in my prayers that your mum makes a recovery and that thinge with your family stay amicable xxx

Nov 07, 2016 2:29 PM

Thanks Sezzy you're very right I have to keep my guard up. They turn on a dime.
Mom is on life support with a treah as well. A few days ago her trachea tore and collapsed so she had major surgery to save her life. It's why she's in the medically induced coma and paralyzed. They can't have her cough or move at all while it heals.
You've been amazing and I'm grateful. I'm also relieved not to be going for now. Docs and the family have told me to wait. Yay!
Dad is in a dark place. We're watching him for suicidal tendencies right now. If she dies it will be an even bigger concern.

Nov 07, 2016 2:38 PM

Gibber, you'd be amazed at what some people come thro so I'm praying some very delicate prayers for your mum to pull thro and I'll also pray that your dad comes thro his dark place.
And on a personal note I'm glad that you've been told to wait, I would be very sad to hear if you became that ill or that family had made you upset while there.

Nov 07, 2016 2:40 PM

Very true. How are you doing?!

Nov 07, 2016 2:55 PM

I'm in a bad flair atm so not much is getting done but that's how life goes sometimes. Just muddling thro best I can.
I hope you're having a pain easy day xx

Nov 07, 2016 3:26 PM

Am so sorry Gibber. Its so hard to know what to do in such situations. You have to not only what is best for you but also what is right for you. In the future will you regret going or will you regret staying home. Only you can know that. My heart hurts for you. It seems no matter what you choose your family will think it's the wrong choice. What a tough situation your family has also put your nephew in. :(
(((( gentle hugs ))))

Nov 07, 2016 3:28 PM

Oops - I answered before reading replies. :) just call me foggy.

Nov 08, 2016 1:04 PM

Gibber, I'm glad to hear you've decided to stay away for now. You certainly can't afford to pick up the virus. All of us have to be careful, even if it means not being there and being judged by others for things they can't possibly understand. If you decide to go later, please take precautions by wearing gloves and a mask, and even ask for a gown or scrubs to put over your clothes. I'm sure the hospital staff will understand due to your immunity. Hugs love & prayers for strength, and grace & healing for your mom! 🙂💕🙏🌸

Nov 09, 2016 8:07 PM

Thank you all. She's seems to be recovering. Still in a medically induced coma but they were talking today about starting to bring her out. I'm not going for now but my sister put the phone to Mom's ear so I could say to her what I needed to say. It was emotional but good. I let her know both that I was angry with her and I love her. I let her know that what she believed was a lie. I also told her that I've been with her through this whole journey. Not in person but there. I told her to fight if she wants to but it's okay to go if she's ready. She told my dad she wanted to go before things got this bad. She's tired of the pain and sickness and she was ready. He said he wasn't ready to let her go. Her infection is gone, her lungs are still full of air. She'll have a long road ahead if makes it. I'm worried she'll wake up see the state she's in and that could kill her. You've all been so amazing. I hope this finds you all with a light pain day.
Sezzy so sorry to hear that you're flaring. Gentle hugs to all of you.💞

Nov 13, 2016 12:56 AM

Hi Gibber, I just wanted check in and see how your doing and how your mum is. Hope you're OK xx

Nov 13, 2016 9:51 AM

Hey Sezzy,
That's so sweet of you. Thank you. My mom is stable. They've turned the paralytic off. She's heavily sedated so she's not to overwhelmed as she wakes. They're testing her for c-diff.
She'll long road ahead when she wakes.
I'm tired, frustrated with the family dynamics and abuse. In a lot of pain with my shoulder injury and lupus. But hanging in there.
How are you doing. Is the flare easing up at all?

Nov 13, 2016 11:51 AM

Oh Gibber I'm sorry that the family abuse has come back, I was hoping that they would make things easier for you to have a semi decent relationship with them. All that will cause you more stress and make your pain worse. Try to rest as much as you can and if your hubby is willing, ask him to take some of the calls so you won't be in the firing line.
It's good that they're going to wake her slowly as finding you're still in hospital with a load of machines attached to you is overwhelming in the least! Hopefully her test for c-diff comes back clear, it's going to be hard enough for her to recover without without adding that to the mix.

I'm hanging in there, the flair doesn't want to give me any peace yet but hopefully soon things will start moving for me, health professionals are finally starting to listen....well it seems that way I've got appointments with mental health services.

You take things easy and try not to let your families head games make you feel guilty for doing what's right for you and your health.

Sending you positive thoughts and vibes to keep you strong and healing hugs to help you recover quickly xxx

Nov 13, 2016 5:12 PM

Thinking of u Gibbers 🤗 got u in my heart sweetie 😚 stay strong angel x

Nov 13, 2016 6:00 PM

My poor Gibber...You are a very strong young woman....i feel for what you have gone thru with your family. This is going to take a big toll on your illness....Please take care of yourself first.....if you decide to go into the wolves nest, please prepare yourself. Make sure you can contact your husband when ever you need him. My husband found out that his dad died dec 23 2014. He was not told until aug 2015. His family is incredibly selfish.....i understand the wolves den meaning.....please take care and do what you need to do for you

Nov 14, 2016 4:57 PM

Thank you so much Lulabel, Sezzy and Ryan. You guys are amazing. Sorry you're still battling a flare. Let's all kick that flare in the ass for you!
My mother won't be waking until the weekend maybe. The c-diff test came back negative but they're retesting and for some other things. Also they found a second lung infection. If she wakes, she's going to wake to hell on earth. This is not what she wanted. Once again my father did what he thinks is best for him. The nature of a narcissistic abuser. I wish she could peacefully go. And she's not been good to me either. I would still choose what I know she wants.
Lulabel and Ryan how are you guys doing?

Nov 14, 2016 5:41 PM

Hi Gibber. Thank you for thinking of us....i have my good days. Lately i am waiting to hear when my ankle surgery will be.... concerning family abuse, i stay far away from that part of the family...i feel so bad for my husband, all he wants is to be appreciated and loved by his mom and 2 sisters....the one sister said she would have nothing to do with him until he gets rid of me......sorry, just venting....this makes me so upset how people can treat family like this

Nov 14, 2016 11:19 PM

Gotobef, I am so sorry that you have to sit around abd see that your Mother's wishes aren't being addressed and that they are still trying to figure out exactly what is wrong wkth her. I am also sending Positive vices.

Nov 15, 2016 7:39 AM

I saw this and thought of you because of the way your family turn on a sixpence you need to protect yourself from them. I know your hubby tries to protect you from them as much as possible there's still times when they get to you. I know this well!
I just want you to be cautious because in the future they may use you not grunting to your mother's aid against you....I'm really sorry to say that, I just want you to prepare yourself for it they may not necessarily do it outright but in sly digs and my most favourite one the backhanded complements.
All you need to remember no matter what they say is you did what was best for you.

I would be very grateful if you could kick the associated out of this flair, I would soo very much appreciate it! !

Sending you warm healing hugs and positive vibes xx

Nov 15, 2016 8:53 AM

I had message typed up for each of you and something went wrong with my phone and I lost it all. I'm sorry. Thank you so much to everyone. I appreciate all the messages and warnings. Sorry some of you know what it's like to deal with narcissists. They will only ever see what you don't do and they will never change.
Here's to a light pain day for you all. 💞

Nov 15, 2016 4:18 PM

A short update. My mother opened her eyes last night but did not respond to yes or no. She has a fever again so she's not out of woods. She's showing signs of infection again the fever being only one of the signs.

Nov 15, 2016 8:39 PM

That doesn't sound good about having another infection, hopefully it will pass quickly so that she will be able to start her journey to recovery.
Sometimes people open their eyes in their sleep, maybe that's why she didn't respond to yes or no questions? That could be the reason as they've turned off the paralytic?
My daughter occasionally opens her eyes in her sleep and it creeps me out no end when I go in to check on her!!!
I'm sorry you have to deal with a lot of your family being narcissistic and the fact you know how they're going to treat you if not at the moment but some time in the future. You are right they will only ever see what you didn't do rather than what you did do and also how they don't acknowledge your own chronic condition. They will only ever see what fits in to their own little world.
I know it's hard because all you want is to have at best an amicable relationship with them and for them to acknowledge your own health issues and not judge you for them.

I'm sending you { { { BIG GENTLE HEALING LOVING HUGS } } } and I'm praying for your family to understand you and not be so narcissistic towards you xxx

Nov 15, 2016 10:58 PM

Thank you sweet Sezzy. Maybe she was. How are you doing today?

Nov 16, 2016 4:21 AM

I have another appointment with my GP on Friday as the flair isn't easing up at all and one of the pain meds I've been on has started to give me terrible stomach cramps and diarrhoea so I've had to stop taking it so the TN pain is going up again 😕
The hardest thing for me tho is the anxiety, things that I used to love doing I just can't seem to be able to do them anymore and I think what makes it worse is the fact that I know it's irrational and stupid but there's nothing I seem to be able to about it to reduce or stop the feelings.
I've started seeing a CBT counsellor and I'm going to be seeing a mental health nurse in a couple of weeks and I'm hoping she can either diagnose or refer me to a psychiatrist to diagnose the PTSD that everyone is telling me I have!....sorry didn't mean to go on I'm just feeling frustrated that I'm finding everything that was once soo easy for me a have become the hardest things to do now!

How are you bearing up? I hope you're resting as much as you can and are looking after yourself because I know everything will start to take its toll on you. Make sure you're eating regularly and making sure you are only doing what you can and not overdoing it xx

Nov 16, 2016 10:11 AM

Sorry to hear this Sezzy. I have diagnosed PTSD too. Have you heard of somatic experiencing? It's an amazing form of therapy that helps so much. It's gentler then cbt or any other form of therapy. I went from not being able to leave the house without extreme panic to being able to leave fairly easily now. When I feel a little anxiety over it, I can catch it and use what I learned to calm it.
I'm not taking any meds for it because they all cause seizures for me but with this form of therapy I'm doing okay without.
CBT forces you to do what you can't in little bits. Somatic gets to the root of why it's a struggle to begin with first. Then they walk you through that pain in little bits at your pace while helping to keep you grounded. Once you walk through it. It lets you go and you'll be able to do those things again. It's quite amazing. I've been through many forms of therapy and this has been hands down the most effective for me.

Nov 16, 2016 10:11 AM

Gibber, you, your mom & the family are in my prayers. I totally understand the "building a wall" to survive. I had a counselor once ask me what animal I equated myself with, and I answered a turtle. When he asked why, I responded, "because turtles can withdraw into the safety of their shell and be safe from what's going on outside." 🐢

I pray for courage and strength for you to get through this, and for mercy and grace for your mom not to suffer. Take care of yourself. Your health is the most important for you. And if you decide to go be with your mom, you'll need all your mental & physical strength reserve as possible. Sending lots of gentle hugs with love & prayers! 🙂💕🙏🌸

Nov 16, 2016 10:18 AM

Thank you so much Flappy. Since mom is still not really awake and showing signs of infection again. I don't think I'll be going. What she has only immune compromised people get sick with and it can be deadly. I am on immunosuppressive medications so it won't be safe for me. My dad has been sick too. My dad still thinks I'm coming. I haven't been able to tell him I'm not. If she passes away I'll go with my Hubby for her funeral.
How are you doing?

Nov 16, 2016 11:14 AM

Gibber, I am so sorry that you have to watch your mother in such a terrible situation. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. I hope they are able to clear whatever infection has appeared before it gets out of control. I wish you and your family well and am sending gentle {{{Hugs}}}, positive vibes and good karma your way. 💕😊

Nov 16, 2016 2:02 PM

I will ask about the somatic experiencing when I go back to the GP on Friday.
I think things may start moving soon I had a call from a lady who works at the Early Intervention Team today, she's coming over next Tuesday to see me and explain what they can offer and see what we need as a family, the kids are suffering because I'm ill and they're my carers and my crippling irrational anxieties.

How are you doing Gibber? I hope your resting and looking after yourself xx

Nov 16, 2016 4:10 PM

Gibber, I can understand you being careful, having immune issues myself. I avoid when I can, and wear masks when I can't.

It's been another overwhelming week for me, and I'm struggling with depression. Partly it's due to yesterday would have been my mom's 83rd bay: she died just before her 66th. But I won't hack your post. I'll post a thread later. Big (((hugs)))! 😘💕🙏🌸

Nov 16, 2016 4:49 PM

Flappys I'm soo sorry to hear that, it doesn't matter what time has past it doesn't make missing your mum any easier. If you want to talk just message and I'll answer
I'm sending you {{{BIG GENTLE HEALING LOVING HUGS}}} and you're in my prayers xx

Nov 16, 2016 7:22 PM

Thank you Sezzy! You are so sweet and I will keep it in mind. But right now it's really hard to get through just thinking about it. I don't know if it's the added stress I've been under for a month worsening it or not. But this is the worst year in a long time. Thanks again!

Nov 16, 2016 8:42 PM

I read your post Flappy and I'm sending you a hug.💜

Nov 16, 2016 8:44 PM

Wonderful that things are moving along for you. Hugs to you too.
I've been getting rest. My mom is awake now and responding. It will be interesting to see how the next few days go.

Nov 16, 2016 11:36 PM

Flappys I want you to stop and sit down for a few minutes and take a few deep breaths.....breath in slowly for 5 seconds, hold it in for a few seconds then breath out for 5 seconds and try to clear your mind while you're doing it.
Think about your mum and all the good times you had with her and talk to her, tell her your worries and troubles then tell her things that you've enjoyed doing and things she would have found funny. It might help a bit.....I do this with my nan and grandad. My grandad passed away when I was 18 and I think about how he would have responded to some of the things I've done and I laugh because I can still remember how he he spoke, the way his speech would speed up and his Irish accent would get stronger and it makes me smile. He was the best man I've ever known. I do the same with my nan. My nan passed away just over 2 years ago and I was close to her (I was her favourite....don't get me wrong she loved all her grandkids the same but I was the one she got on best with. We could talk for hours on end about everything and anything and that's the hardest part that I can't just ring her up and talk utter nonsense with her. When I do things I still think about what she would say about it and how if anyone got on her nerves she'd tell them "feck off you c*## and stop being an eejit" She was about 4'1'' and certainly had the temper of a little old Irish lady! And it doesn't matter the time they've been gone I still talked to them both and miss them.

Nov 16, 2016 11:49 PM

Gibber I'm truly hoping so, if it helps my 2 wonderful delightful kids.....ok my darling brats that like to argue over everything!!!! Lol
Now all I need to do is wait for the mental health nurse and see what she can do.
Sending you{{{BIG GENTLE HEALING LOVING}}} and I'm sending you positive thoughts and prayers xxx

Nov 17, 2016 2:49 PM

And to you sweet lady.

Nov 17, 2016 3:25 PM

How is your mum now Gibber?
I'm glad you've been taking care and resting, I wouldn't like to hear that you've become ill with all the stress and that you've been skipping meals and not looking after yourself.
You need your strength and wits about you with everything that you've had to deal with and with what's going to happen in the near future....it's always best to be prepared for all situations with your family.

I hate that you have to go thro all this when all you want is to love and be loved in return.
I'm sending you my strongest vibes and prayers to navigate the turbulent waters ahead xx

Nov 17, 2016 4:39 PM

Thank you Sezzy! I can't say it hasn't surfaced a lot of pain and anger.

Mom wakes up on and off. She responds to yes and no, smiles at times but still heavily sedated.

My freaking sister texted me and asked if I wanted to talk to my mom. I said yes. Then she texted again and said she's drifted off. To me that was playing dirty. I wonder if my mom didn't want to hear my voice.

I wish I didn't have such a big appetite..lol I nap every afternoon. ;-) and I work on my candle business and help Hubby with his start up business while he's at work.
Hope you're getting some R&R too!

Nov 24, 2016 11:00 PM

Hi Gibber how are you holding up? How is your mum?
Thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts x

Nov 25, 2016 2:33 AM

I was thinking the same 🌷...hope u r ok Gibbers... 🤗 gentle hugs xxx and much good karma coming ur way hunni 😚

Nov 25, 2016 10:13 AM

Hey you guys sorry I disappeared. I didn't mean too. Between my business and helping Hubby with his start up business while he's at work, and dealing with my crap it's been busy.
My mom is on the mend. She still has a tracheotomy, still in ICU but fully awake now. They used the hoier lift and sat her in a chair for the first time a couple of days ago. She's very weak which is expected. She has a long road of recovery ahead but she's on the way. All infection is gone. She's breathing without assistance. Lots of her tubes have been removed, she no longer needs dialysis. They keep her comfortable on pain meds. She has up and down days so I guess she's beginning to realize the state she's in. This to me would be the place where she could choose to fight or give up. So while my family is optimistic. I'm cautiously so. I know better than they do what it's like to be lying helpless, in pain in a hospital bed. I'm guessing you guys would understand what I'm saying.
The state she's in is not what she wanted so we'll see. There have been no further offers to talk to her. Oh and she is mouthing words now but can't talk because of the treach.
It's frustrating for all of them.
I hope all my American peeps had a Happy Thanksgiving! I celebrated my Birthday 23rd. It was a great day. Lots of little wonderful surprises.
Love to you all. 💞

Nov 26, 2016 11:22 AM

Gibber, I am so glad to hear that your Mom is on the mend!!! I am sending positive vibes and well wishes your way.. {{Hugs}}💕😊

Nov 26, 2016 11:39 AM

Thank you so much. 💞

Nov 26, 2016 5:52 PM

My lady, I feel your pain, but remember you are strong. And stay strong. You showed your strength when you left and started a life for yourself.

Nov 26, 2016 5:58 PM

Glad to hear our prayers worked. Seems you are taking one day at a time which is always best! Keep us updated. Happy Holidays

Nov 26, 2016 6:37 PM

Thank you so much. I love the power of prayer. <3

Nov 26, 2016 9:42 PM

Gibber I'm glad you're ok and keeping busy.
You're right to be cautiously optimistic with how your mum is because like you said being helpless in a hospital bed isn't nice and with everything your mum has been thro and still in intensive care in a state she didn't want to be in could be very hard on her mentally and emotionally. She's in my prayers that she will have a speedy recovery.
Please be cautious still with your family as well....like I've said before they will only see what they want to see therefore try to lay the guilt trip on you for not going to your mums bedside when she was very ill with the infections she had (even tho they even said not to!)
Stay strong and know you made the right choice for you.
Sending you positive vibes and prayers to keep you strong xx

Nov 26, 2016 10:46 PM

Thanks so much Sezzy! I am definitely keeping my guard up. My sister called me the other side because she's exhausted and constantly being guilted by my father. I told her to set boundaries and stick by them. If she has to say no, she has to say no. She has a full time job and 2 kids. She's drinking to cope. Not good.

Nov 26, 2016 11:01 PM

That's never a good way to cope and I hope she's not drink driving or having enough drink so that it's still in her system the next day if she has to drive.
Maybe now she might realise why it was you had to make your own life away from them and be more understanding towards you, I doubt it but I hope and pray that she does so you can have a better relationship with her, only time will tell!
I hope you're taking things easy and not pushing yourself too much with everything x

Nov 26, 2016 11:06 PM

I hope too. But she still keeps getting sucked back in by the honeymoon period where as I'm not anymore. I hope she's not drinking to that extreme too.

Dec 05, 2016 4:44 AM

Hi Gibber, how's you? How's your mum doing? And how's your family treating you?
Sorry I've been meaning to ask for a few days now and everytime I've gone to ask I've gotten distracted for a minute then forget what I was going to do and get really confused about it plus I've seen you posting so I've been hoping you're doing ok.....my mind is soo bad at the moment and it doesn't take much to confuse me and send me into a panic!!!

Dec 05, 2016 6:41 AM

I'm so sorry that's awful, you don't deserve that... It's terrible shame sends u hugz

Dec 05, 2016 9:11 AM

Thanks guys. Mom's been moved to critical care at a different hospital. Hospital moved her without telling the family. That was both upsetting and illegal. So first they almost kill her. Then they move her without telling us.
I talked to lawyer and the lawyer said we'd have a case. My family won't pursue it though. Personally I think the hospital should offer compensation to my parents for any extra expenses incurred because of their mistakes. And for my mother's pain and suffering. Of course they haven't but admitted they were fully responsible for both issues.
That said my mother is slowly mending. Her treach is capped, she's breathing on her own through her mouth and nose, she's eating soft foods, talking, they sit her in a chair now, and get her up walking with a walker, and support from the PT's.
She still has a long road ahead but she's getting there.
I just keep my guard up with my family.

Dec 05, 2016 9:57 AM

Oh that's terrible but there's nothing you can do if your mum and dad don't want to pursue it as it needs to come from them.
I glad your mum is doing better and breathing on her own again that must be a relief. It's going to take your mum a while to get back on her feet again but as she's been thro soo much will she be back to how she was before she fell ill? I hope your family is prepared just in case she's going to be slightly weaker and need more help for a long while even after she's well enough to be at home.

It's not nice that you have to keep your guard up with family but you need to protect yourself if they decide to turn on you or something similar.

You're in my prayers and I'm standing beside you to help you stay strong....of you want to talk just message and I'll be here to listen xx

Dec 05, 2016 10:51 AM

I'm so sorry. That's horrible :(

Dec 05, 2016 1:29 PM

Thank you guys. I doubt my mother will ever be the same and I don't think my father is prepared for it at all. I hope for my mother's sake she's in the hospital for a long time yet. When they send her home my dad will see her as fine and start treating her like a slave again he always has.
He treated her that way when she was extremely ill with kidney failure. She's not allowed a mind or life of her own at all. He's controlling, vicious and abusive. At least while she's in the hospital he can't do that to her and she's getting rest.
When I was a kid my parents found me unconscious under a table. They couldn't wake me up at all. They put me on the couch and left unconscious all day never took me to the hospital. It was a massive seizure I had. That's how he ignores illness.

Dec 05, 2016 1:51 PM

Omg! I'm so sorry for you and your mom Gibber! That's absolutely horrendous! If you are able to, let the hospital staff know about his abuse and they may be able to protect her by not sending her home if she has the opportunity to go home.

Dec 05, 2016 2:09 PM

I'm sorry to say but I thought as much with regards to your dad, as a guess and from little snippets you've said previously about his views.
You're a very strong person to of gone thro all that and lucky to not have more serious health issues being left to seizures like that.
I'm soo sorry you've grown up with that 😢 I know from experience there isn't anything that I can say or do to make things any easier and you are right with how your dad is going to be towards your mum but she has put up with it for soo many years that it's now ingrained as normal life for her and has even picked up some of his attitudes and views on life.
I'm sending you positive vibes and karma to you and know that if you need someone to lean on or someone rant off at I'm here, quietly standing by your side to help you thro xx

Dec 05, 2016 3:39 PM

Thank you MeLiz. I've thought of that but then they'd have to report him. The repercussions on me would be bad even though I live very far away. Until my mother went into the hospital a month ago we were estranged for 7 years. They weren't even going to tell me she was dying upon her request. My Nephew didn't know this and told me. That's how I found out. My whole families minds are poisoned against me because I got out, stood up to them, set boundaries..

Thank you so much Sezzy. I figured you'd know. It's not even the half it. I'm sorry you've experienced this kind of crap.
The family will be surprised at some point when I back right off again. I already have a little bit. They will never ask me why I made the choice I did. They just see everything as all my fault. But I know the truth. They can think what they want.

Dec 05, 2016 4:07 PM

As long as you know the truth and feel it was the right choice for you, you don't need to worry about what anyone thinks or says.
I really do feel for you that you still have to put up with it all and that you feel that you're going to have to back off again but you need to do what's best for you. You don't need to be dragged back into all the abuse and heartache again.
They won't ask you why because they already know why and you saying it out load to them will make them more resentful that you got out and they didn't!
I'm with you on not telling the nurses because apart from the reprocussions that'll come back to you your mum will only deny it all, as will the rest of your family. Until your mum seeks her own help to leave, she'll stay right where she is no matter what anyone says to her. Such a hard thing to know about and to watch.
Lean on me, I'll give you some extra strength to walk thro all this and have my shoulder when you need to shed a tear or two and hold my hand if you just need someone to listen to you xx

Dec 05, 2016 4:10 PM

Thanks Sezzy. I think also the hospital will see me as the trouble maker since my father and fan all come across as very sweet and charming like narcissists do to the world.

Dec 05, 2016 4:21 PM

Oh yes one of their many traits, make themselves look good so everyone will think you either made it up or have lost your mind!
It's a hard path to follow when family are soo manipulative, no one else sees it but you do and if you say anything you're the one that looks spiteful and a truble maker xx

Dec 05, 2016 4:22 PM

Exactly. It sucks. Hugs to you too. It's not our faults.

Dec 08, 2016 7:21 PM

Gribber - you are in my heart and prayers. My goddaughter, who's parents have passed, has been battling cancer all year and she was my caretaker so it was a double hit. It was only a 4-16% chance of survival, but to our shock her surgeon who was covered by her non-profit health plan because he's not a money grubber, turned out to be the best in our region. He saved her life, her leg, and ability to walk though she will need a cane. Best possible outcome, and I wish for your family the same such blessings. I hope as things progress your family dysfunction finds the new path for a healthier future.

Dec 08, 2016 7:44 PM


Thank you very much. Sorry for your loss and all you're going through. 💜

Dec 08, 2016 7:45 PM

How are you today Gibber? How's your mum healing?

Dec 08, 2016 9:33 PM

I'm so sorry that's happening !!

Dec 13, 2016 5:25 AM

Hi Gibber just wondering if your doing ok xx

Jan 01, 2017 2:40 PM

Hey you guys sorry I missed your messages. I didn't get a message alert for some reason.
My mother came home from the hospital just before Christmas. My parents went to my sister's for a short time Christmas day. My dad had to take my mother back to the hospital 4am the next morning. Her heart was fluttering and she wasn't feeling well. 12 hours later they sent her home with blood thinners not knowing what's wrong with her. (Stupid medical system). She will have follow ups with her Dr. I guess. She still can't eat solid food only pureed. This is the last I heard from them since. Hubby was actually the one who talked to them that day. I wasn't up to it.
Still the same crappy family dynamics. Glad I'm not there, they're driving my sister crazy. They guilt her so bad she can't stand up to it and say no to them.
Oh my mother can talk again, has the treach out and can breathe on her own.
I have my good and bad days.
Hubby and I had great Christmas. Mostly just the 2 of us. We surprised a friend Christmas night with a visit. That was fun. Her daughter arranged the whole thing. That's enough social for us. Lol
Happy New Year all! Here's hoping it's a good/better one for us all!
Hope that you enjoyed Christmas to some degree.

Jan 02, 2017 4:33 AM

I'm happy your mother is doing better and is at home and sorry that your sister is getting the guilt trips and the fallout from your mother's recovery. Not a nice way to treat her bit at the same time if she doesn't say no and stick to her decisions then they know they can get her to do what they want whenever they want.
I'm really pleased and really sad that you've been able to distance yourself again so they can't guilt you or cause you anymore pain with their abusive behaviours.

Our Christmas was good, we went to my mums but I overdid it and ended up in bed for nearly 2 days so I came home because my dad was starting on about how I need to push thro instead of giving in and going to bed, then he started on about how I need to pull myself together and get a job. He tried to guilt me into working the bar a few times over the holidays but I refused each time and my mum backed me up on that but also at the same time say that I need to start pushing thro. Hence I only stayed new years eve and came home yesterday (plus being in the pub, the atmosphere seems to drag on me or pull me down whether or not I'm in the bar or upstairs in the living quarters.....not sure how to explain it?)

Jan 02, 2017 9:34 AM

Thank you Sezzy. Sorry you're Dad got on your case. That sucks. It's old school thinking coming from that generation.
Glad your mother backed you.
I totally get the bar thing. I'm not big on crowds and I'm hypersensitive to noise.

Jan 02, 2017 9:55 AM

Gibber, I'm going your mom is home and doing better. Hopefully she will go to soft foods soon. When I had my cervical fusion in August they had to move my trachea out of the way. I was on liquids and pureed foods then soft for almost 2 months. It was hard swallowing again for awhile.

It's good you and the hubby were able to enjoy your holidays too. Wishing you & everyone a much better 2017, with hugs love & prayers! 🙂💕🙏🌸

Jan 02, 2017 10:13 AM

Thank you Flappy same to you. My mother has a speach therapist working with so hopefully that will also help her be able to swallow again. She was supposed to go to a transitional hospital but my father wouldn't have it of course.

Jan 02, 2017 10:51 AM

Oh Gibber that's awful, something that would of really helped her 😢 I'm soo sorry. I was really hoping that maybe this would of changed even just a little bit 😕....but that's the optimist in me coming out, I always want to see and hope for the best in people even when I know a leper nether changes his spots. I wanted things to work out a little with them so you could just have a half decent conversation with your mum or sister without all the horrible guilt trips etc... 😟

I am glad you and your hubby had a great Christmas, you sound like a very happy couple and you can take comfort in each other and as long as you have good friends who understand you don't need to worry about what anyone else thinks including family.

Sending you positive vibes and warm protective hugs to help keep you safe from anymore family politics xx

Jan 02, 2017 11:03 AM

Thanks Sezzy. I don't feel that let down in that I knew it wouldn't change. For change to happen they have to see there's a problem first, and be willing to take a look at and work on themselves. Narcissists don't do that. I have my Nephews in my life and that is what was most important to me.

Jan 10, 2017 2:32 AM

Hi Gibber just wanted to check if your ok?
I hope all is good with you? xx

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