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My spoons

Dec 10, 2016 11:41 AM

When your friends get mad at you when you cancel plans 'cause you've been cleaning your house for hours and don't have any spoons left 😪 I'm so sorry and I'm dying to go out but my back is killing me 😔

I'm so sorry I have to excuse myself from the dinner table even when we have guests over but I just need to lay down and take a pain killer.. I'm so sorry you probably can't imagine how sorry I am 😩 I know it's rude but that's what my body needs right now

Dec 10, 2016 11:56 AM

I've been told not to say sorry anymore. Instead thank them for their patience. The people who understand and support you are the ones you need in your life.

Dec 10, 2016 4:11 PM

I'm a spoonie too have chiari malformation

Dec 10, 2016 5:35 PM

Spoon-a-roonies!! As a fanciful Shaman Revelator of the online Church of Universal Life, I officially absolve you of all social guilt!! 😂😂
Here's how I cope with all that. I put a single daybed futon on one side of the dining table so I can help cook, then chill like Cleoparta while dinner goes on and still laugh witb all the jokes and fun. Friends are trained mostly to visit and that their invites are felt as love, even if I can't attend. All I have to say is "Next time, have fun, can't wait for the pics!" to decline.
Be heartened, those who love you will adapt and understand!

Those that get mad may have their own issues that has naught to do with you. If they are hurt and angry it might be that they feel abandonment more acutely than others from prior experiences. The other side of that coin is if you're know I'm going to be going out I save all my spoons for that activity for that day, or make sure in advance of spending spoons that my friend is ok with staying in and hanging out rather than going out. It sounds like she/he may feel, as my husband did in the early days, that you value a clean kitchen more than spending time with her/him. There's a balance between keeping your environment functional and being there for those you love. You are not required to be perfect at finding that balance all the time, Lord knows I'm not just asked my husband, and feelings will get hurt and hurt feelings can be gotten over. Just make sure they know you love them regardless of whether you can be together, and don't be sorry for your pain, ask for their help.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm having trouble prioritizing how to spend my spoons I use my papaw's "death bed test" at the end of my life will I wish I had spent more time cleaning or more time being close with your friends? Which will do my heart the most good? Sometimes the answer is cleaning for sure, but I find my relationships take a higher priority now than they used to.

It takes time and great patience with yourself too shoo away the programming of obligation and be at peace with the accommodations. What I can tell from your post is that you have a deeply Caring Heart and a communion with those in your life. That has not changed, it only makes the time you do spend with loved ones and friends more precious and cherished. {{{tender hugs}}}

Dec 10, 2016 9:35 PM

It's not rude under any circumstances!!! You have to listen to your body. Would you rather stay there and feel like shit? You have to do what's right for you!! If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be any good to anyone else. {{{Hugs}}}💕😊

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