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Need another view point ( warning long post)

Jun 30, 2016 4:41 PM

So I have a situation that I need your guys help on.
Your the mother of an adult young man. A young man who is still quite immature. Legally well of age but just is unmotivated and as an entitled mentality. You as the mother is constantly telling your son thst he need to move out and become more independent. You dis.iss him and most times are down right rude to him. Although it's in efforts to teach him how.to be a man. Or at least grow up a bit. So one morning yiu hear your done moving around and in the Morning when u wake up u find thst he has moved out. Packed and cleaned his room and left his key.

How would you mother's or even father's handle that? My question is would u be upset or happy. If for a year uve been on your son's back to leave and he is has.
Would u be upset because you didn't know where he moved to or would you care?

Jun 30, 2016 5:16 PM

I would be happy that he finally got it. He may not of move out the way you wanted, but he's gone now and you got what you wanted. Celebrate your peace, freedom, and having a empty nest. Enjoy your peace Newfibrogirl

Jun 30, 2016 5:49 PM

I think realisticly all three happy as he's grown up and moved out
Sad because as much as you et on at him you will miss him
Upset because you would have liked it done in a better manner

In recent weeks I'v learned if you love someone tell them so tell him your proud of the big step he has taken that you love him and will support him in whatever he plans to do with his life xxx

Jun 30, 2016 5:54 PM

Thanks guys..the twist to this is I'm the aunt and this happened to my sister today. My issue is that I gave my sister the same advice and words u guys just told me. However, I was told that because I have a illness which has caused me to never be able to have a child. Thst my opinion on this is not valid. So Im very upset at this. And kind d feel kicked in the face.

Jun 30, 2016 8:54 PM

A bird has to leave the nest in order to learn to fly....mother of 2: 10 year old boy and 26 year old girl. My daughter moved 300 miles away 3 months after graduation and only need help twice, never moved back home.

Jul 01, 2016 2:16 PM

Newfibrogirl, I'm sorry you're feelings were so rudely dismissed by your sister. Just because you don't have a child does not invalidate your suggestions or the wisdom behind it.

I also know someone who has wished their child would grow up & be responsible for their own children. They often drop the grandkids off for a visit that turns into weeks, while they traipse all over blowing money instead of paying bills. Then they want family members to bail them out and provide room, board, food, & money. This person has started multiple times they'd be glad when they're child hit the road again because she's very tired & worn out. But they got mad at others who live in the same house (roommates) for voicing the same feelings. Kind of an oxymoron I guess. Can't have your cake & eat it too.

Every parent should cut the apron strings sooner than later. Otherwise their child will always act as a child; they'll never learn to stand on their own feet and make adult decisions, or learn from their mistakes. I'm one of the parents who, because of constant friction in the home & irresponsible behavior by children, pushed them out to fly on their own. In quiet & separate discussions, we told both children they only had so long (1-2 mos) to find a home of their own because we weren't their cooks, maid, laundromat or a swinging door hotel. One responsibly moved out over a months time, while the other angrily took her child and left that night (getting all their stuff in a week's time & wouldn't speak to us for 2 months). It was painful for all, but especially the grandchild. Thankful to say they are both very mature adults with successful lives. And occasionally I get to laugh because "the shoes on the other foot" with their stepchildren testing their boundaries! Lol 😉 I often hear, "Mom, now I know why..."

Jul 01, 2016 2:27 PM

Thanks flappys... that's really what hurt the most. That she felt it was ok to hurt me simply because she is upset. And if I mention to her how my feelings are hurt then I'm just selfish only thinking of myself. So it's crazy how I've become the punching bag of the family. I truely love my nephew and I've had many talks with him some even to tears. But he is a ful grown man and no one can direct him but him. Ive chosen to love him from a distance. And carry on with my life. I understand that as a parent you wantto know where your kids are and that they are safe and happy. However u can not micromanage anyone , Even your child.

Jul 01, 2016 8:05 PM

I learned a long time ago that trying to take care of & rescue others was only hurting me more; mentally, physically, & emotionally. You take care of you! (((Hugs))) love & prayers! 🙂💕🙏🌼

Jul 01, 2016 8:18 PM

Exactly flappys, I've just recently learned this and I am trying to practice what I've learned. I see how upset my sister gets over him and I try to calm her down. She is only seeing her baby and all she didn't do when he was younger. But now is to late foe life lessons. Especially,if your gonna deliver the lesson with frustration.

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