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Oct 27, 2016 5:12 PM

So you all know of my surgery and all thst. Well, my sister is acting really ugly. I'm trying to be understanding and see past the attitude but it's very hard. She tells my mom one thing and tells me a totally different one. For the trip early this week, she says she can't come with me to this important dr visit but yet she takes off work while we gone. She says she is trying to save her days,yet she is never at work.
I had her down as my proxy but now I'm not sure. I don't trust her or my mom to actually follow medical wishes. Mom asked my sister what was wrong and what she was affriad of. Of course she says nothing. At this point iny journey and with my surgery coming up I really don't feel like dealing with this.
What do y'all think.

Oct 27, 2016 5:45 PM

Well, if you don't trust them then I think you need to get a new proxy. Surgery is a big deal and if you don't trust your proxy that will just make you crazy anxious... Well more anxious. Do you have anyone else you trust enough to have them be your proxy?

Oct 27, 2016 5:48 PM

I've been trying to figure that out. I don't really know who I could ask. It's a big responsibility and don't want to out that pressure on jusy anyone. I may just do a living will and have no proxy. I'm just not sure yet.

Oct 27, 2016 5:58 PM

Some people cannot handle medical issues. In their mind everyone must be healthy because unhealthy people scare them. It sounds like your sister might be like that. It's not bad that those people can't handle sick people it's just something you have to recognize and work around.

Oct 27, 2016 6:30 PM

If I was in your shoes I would really think seriously about it. Like LittleMilkflower said some people just can't comprehend sick people or the pressure of being a proxy.
Is there anyway you can discuss this with your doctor and surgeon? Maybe explaining the situation to them and asking them what a living will incorporates and how it works could help you decide whether that's what you want or not.
At the same time taking away that from your sister could go one of two ways.....1 Your sister may be relieved and be a better person to be around with the pressure gone or.... 2 She could be upset that you took away the responsibility and be angry that you thought you couldn't trust her with it.
I don't mean to make the decision harder but whatever you decide you may need to be prepared for your sisters reaction and your mum's.
Whatever decision you make has to be RIGHT FOR YOU.
You're in my prayers and I'm sending you {{{BIG GENTLE LOVING HUGS}}}

Oct 27, 2016 6:45 PM

Thanks,sezzy, I appreciate the contrast. This situation is not ideal. With my sister not making the trip with us she kind of disqualified herself in a way. It hurts because my sister has changed a lot in recent months. Mostly due to issues we both have with my mom but she is able to distance herself me however, live her for now.
I also feel sometimes it's as I've out lived my sick time with her. We all know the type. They are on your side for a while. But at a certain point they feel we should be well by now. And they just get tired of dealing with it. I've noticed her complaining about herself having symptoms or pains I have and if she does not get the same response I get its and issue.
Whatever her issue is I just don't feel like I should be asked to deal with this right now. I'm bout to go in for a major surgery involving multiple organ. All I know is if it was not for this group I'd already been off the deep end. I know I can come here and be heard. Thank you all.

Oct 27, 2016 6:50 PM

(((( hugs )))) I don't have any wise words but want you to know I care..

Oct 27, 2016 7:02 PM

We here for that as I've found out myself. This group is a god send to me and I have to thank everyone on here for that.

I know what you mean by people being there for a while then they think you should be better or they get jealous of the attention you get.
I've found that more recently I get that...."ts been a long time now, hasn't the pain gone?" "You kicked him out 2.5 years ago and haven't seen him for a while, why are you still anxious"
I've been trying to see and talk to those family members less but it's hard with immediate family even when they see how bad you are!
All I can say is keep your chin up and make the best decision for you {{{BIG GENTLE LOVING HUGS}}}

Oct 27, 2016 7:49 PM

Newfibrogirl of you don't have total faith in people that you list as your proxy then they are not the right one to have!! Never put someone in charge of what could be a life and death situation if you can say you're not sure if your medical wishes will be followed. What about one of your uncles??

Oct 28, 2016 10:10 AM

I don't have a proxy but do have a living will and my family all know what my wishes are as does my doctors. On my sheet I give to new doctors (and keep a copy with me) I have listed my insurance info, my list of meds, list of surgeries, list of diagnosis, list of doctors, a list of two numbers to call in case of emergency and at the end a short paragraph stating my wishes in cases of life and death.

Oct 28, 2016 10:55 AM

Newfibrogirl, maybe being your proxy scares your sister. What about choosing your uncle?

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