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Negative Space

Jan 31, 2017 4:46 PM

Ok ya'll. I am almost always Polly Positive - especially on social media. I coach and mentor others with chronic illnesses, and additionally keeping good vibes going is better for me too.

But sometimes the well runs dry and I need a place to whine a little :(

We have been having sewer work done on our house. The problem started last July, but we didn't realize it was a !PROBLEM! until November. So we had contractors come in, give opinions, make bids and finally got started Jan 4th.

We rent (thank goodness) and have an awesome landord, and I tried to talk him out of hiring this one particular company. But they had the lowest bid so that's who he went with. (Don't worry I'm getting to the Fibro part, so hang with me).

This has been the biggest freaking disaster. First of all, know that I am a very calm, whatever, it'll be ok, kind of person. I know that any kind of contract work of this magnitude has its problems and I was prepared for that. But here we are almost a month later and it's still not done. The absolute worst project management I have ever seen. I was able to roll with it until the work began inside the house. My landlord and I have had to baby sit them the entire way through. No communication, no updates, no planning from them at all. We were displaced from our home for 2 days last week (3 kids, 4 cats and a dog - I have a saint of a grandmother! ) and we had to keep calling THEM to find out what was left, when we needed to be they're to let them in, when we could come home etc. They messed up stuff so I couldn't do laundry or run the dishwasher until they sent someone back on Saturday to fix all the screwups. (Feeling my stress?) They were jackhammering so there is dust every where. My entire kitchen has been packed up and in my living room. And just when we started to clean and unpack, they call and tell us they have "one more hole to hammer out"!!!! I have a week's worth of laundry and I'm trying to work and homeschool around all of that.
So today. .. the flare hit.
I am exhausted.
I ache all over.
I have a tendon on the right side of my neck that is pulling on everything on the left side and that's a really hard place to do body work on yourself! !

And this isn't even close to being over.
Granted, all of this - and I've just given you the highlights- is enough to drive a healthy person to drink. But I have reached my limit.
I want to cry and hide under the blankets and not come out until it's all over. I have about 4 good hours of "spoons" a day. I'm never going to get the house back in order.

So I guess I just need a safe place to unload some of this negativity before I blow up.

Jan 31, 2017 5:16 PM

Hi Healing Hands,

I'm so glad to have read your story just now. I'm going through a similar "bad patch". I always try to stay positive and ignore the pain. After an incredible stressfull year (I'll save you the details), now I've reached my own limit. I went to a psychologist for the first time last week. I need to learn to aknowdlegde the pain and exhaustion. And allow myself to feel sad for myself. Not wallow, but just feel the grief for the fact that I am sick, and am not going to get better. At the moment I am an emotional wreck, but I try to think that this is what I need to go through, to ultimately reach a point of some sort of acceptance. That doesn't mean that then, I will never cry about my situation. But then, maybe I will feel relieved afterwards and stronger once more to take on the day. One at a time.

Hopefully you can find some solace and peace in the fact that you're not alone. And about the house, it will get back in order. Just maybe not as fast as you would want. Do what you can, and more importantly (and sometimes a very hard thing to do), ask for help.

Love, Lynne

Feb 01, 2017 4:01 AM

Oh wow HealingHands, that is a lot of stress to deal with, I'm soo sorry that your family and yourself are suffering soo much.
I'm soo glad that you're able to vent, letting it all build up inside will only make you feel worse and then have a complete meltdown which could happen in front of your kids....they will understand and try their best to help you but if you're like me it will leave you feeling soooooo guilty that they've picked you up that you'll feel worse BUT that DOES NOT make you a bad mum if it does happen (I'm still struggling with the fact my 10yr daughter has to be with me so I can go shopping for food etc.... so I really know how it feels).

Like you said all the work, the mess and the packing up and unpacking is going to be stressful for a normal person but for us that stress is 10 times worse because it affects our whole body.....the stress not only makes our anxiety and depression worse but it makes the pain flare to unbearable levels then we still have to carry on and try our best to push thro for our kids because they still need to be cared for especially if they're younger little as well.

Don't hold it all in.....come on here to rant and rave as much as you need to and as Lynnes said ask for help, ask friends and family to come help you tidy up and unpack things when it's all done. If you need to get out of the house for a bit go visit a friend or family, by the sounds of it you're close to your grandmother so maybe visit her for a bit, if you have friends with children the same age as yours ask if your kids can go over for a play date to give you a bit of a break so you can sit and rest and cry. If you need to cry then cry, let your feelings out but don't wollow for too long. You'd be amazed at how a good cry can help release a lot of tension, it's not good to hold your feelings in because you'll feel worse and it causes you to be I'm more pain. Cry when you need to or scream into a pillow and beat the pillow up if you need to anything to get your feels out acknowledge you feelings then you'll be amazed at how much it will help.

We are here to support you in any way we can so come and vent, you can even use capitals to go all shouty if shouting it out would make you feel better

Sending you positive vibes and warm healing hugs xx

Feb 01, 2017 10:29 AM

Thank you ladies. We had a cold front go through last night. 70 yesterday, 40 degrees today. I hardly slept and this morning I can hardly move. Had a client scheduled today so I had to cancel. Thankfully, she's also a friend so it's not a big deal.
So today I'm allowing myself to do nothing. Stay in bed with heated mattress pad. Coffee. Maybe some art and a Harry Potter marathon.
It just is what it is today.

Feb 01, 2017 10:34 AM

HealingHands, I had a flashback reading your post. Trust me, it will get better! And hopefully some day you will look back and possibly laugh at how it all went down and you weren't defeated.

Omg, we lived through 3 months of renovation work and I thought I'd go crazy and lose it! It started simple with planning the new layout of the kitchen. When we called a company to estimate the cost of removing the old linoleum floor we knew was beyond our abilities, they informed us we needed asbsos abatement. That cost us $3500.00 just to remove it. Because of the asbestos I wanted to remove the cabinets so the whole floor was removed (it went under the cabinets). Much to our surprise there was a water leak inside the wall, so we had to remove sheetrock...Oh fun. So now we find out the leak is coming from the master bath shower instead of the kitchen. I had to call the installers for the shower who came and tried to pin the problem on the bathroom plumbers. After 2 visits from each company the plumbers owner came and found the leaking point; the shower installer had left a gap under the stepover lip. We took pics and he called the installers manager staying he would go to court and testify for me. Needless to say they sent someone else out to reinstall the stepover properly. Three weeks literally down the drain through all this. Another week to allow the walls between the bathroom & kitchen to dry, before we could start work in the kitchen. Mind the fact that everything from freezer to refrigerator and all food, pots & pans, etc were sitting in the middle of or living room. We ate sandwiches and cereal or toast/poptarts for the whole 3 months. We had to rewire and move wires to move the stove. We had to call electricians twice for several fire hazards (previous owner rigged!).

Hubby and I laid the whole ceramic tile. It took several more weeks, because we were trying to save money by doing everything we could ourselves. (Not sure we saved since my hubby needed surgery 2 months later to remove a huge mass on his scapula that came up during the work. Thank goodness it was a benign lipoma.) The night we finished the last grouting I was exhausted and in so much pain (2011 when I could still do things but pay the price later). We got up the next morning and walked into the kitchen, only to shockingly see one half the kitchen grout in gray and the other half grouted in silver! The sales clerk picked up 2 different colors, omg! We had to scrape grout out on half the kitchen and regrout with the matching color. We broke 6 blades doing it, on hands & knees. Lol

Then the cabinets came and were not exactly the shade ordered but we went with them anyway. At this point we just wanted to get finished. The installers realized a measurement error. We no longer have the normal doorway frame since the cabinets end less than 1" from our glass door. After that the stove & microwave came, and we moved the refrigerator & freezer, pots & pans & food back to the kitchen. Through it all we were to and miserable and in lots of pain. But we survived, and now we look back at several situations and can't help but laugh. I'm sending you warm hugs love & prayers for strength and calm to weather this storm! πŸ™‚πŸ’•πŸ™πŸŒΈπŸŒ¦πŸŒ€πŸŒž

Feb 01, 2017 10:46 AM

That did actually make me laugh. I can't even imagine that nightmare. Wow! !!!

I've finally reached the point I have to just let it go. The contractor that came Sunday to pull up the floor so the plumbing company can make their "one last hole" still has not contacted my landlord so now we are waiting on him. I'm thinking we just hire another contractor because I'm not dealing with another one like that.
The plumbing company came out yesterday to fill the 400 ft trench they dug amd destroyed our yard with their bobcat. And my yard is one huge, uneven, mound of dirt. The owner of the company said they will make it right. Not surprisingly, no one is here today working on it.
I only smile when I think about the day they are all done and I begin my complaint campaign with the better business Bureau, Angie's List and maybe even Facebook. Actually, I don't like being *that* person at all but this left the realm of ridiculous two weeks ago.
So today I'm allowing myself to not give a flip. :)

Feb 01, 2017 10:55 AM

Good for you!πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

Feb 01, 2017 4:06 PM

Lol, yes that seems like good plan, the BBB. Wish I had done so! I'm glad I could make you laugh too. The upside to our situation is, if we hadn't taken the cabinets out we'd never have known about the bathroom leak, meaning it would have built up black mold. Eek!

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