Had enough, had surgery, procedures, tried all sorts of different meds, natural therapy sessions, psych, it just won't stop! I can't live with this, or like this. Feel like I am failing as a person. Constantly angry, intolerant, seem just so full of fury and hate. Have nothing to live for, alone, couldn't have kids due to opiate meds for decades, have nothing to offer any more and I am weary, bone tired. Tired of fighting, tired of trying to exist to just be in pain. Just need it all to end!
Hi BK7. I too have chronic pain and has had the feeling of giving up. But I realized because I'm still alive, there is a part of me that don't want to die, & I feel the same about you! The pain and all you do can become a heavy load, but keep in mind that you are not alone and even though you haven't found the anwser yet, one will come soon. Until then, try to stay focused. Think positive. I am a nurse, and I have seen so much pain and suffering. But what I always see is the positive ones get through it! You are not failing, unless you give up. Give yourself credit and realize you must be a very strong person to fight this battle. I don't know your beliefs, but whatever they are , this is a good time to lean on them. My is God, and that's who I turn my battles over to. Do I still have pain...yes, but I realize I can't do it alone. And you are feeling angry because of the pain & all you have done...it's ok, we with chronic pain travel a long, bumpy twisted road, but read some of the postings on here, and you will find so much support and understanding, which sometimes is hard to find. And you have a lot to live for....if you don't believe it, look in the mirror. :-). Do you like pets? They can be comforting and has unconditional love. Sorry for this long posting, but even though I don't know you, I'm tearing up because I can truly relate! I hope you truly reconsider your thoughts, and have faith. I will keep you in my prayers, and ask God that even though you are weary, that you faint not, to give you physical, mental and emotional relief, and to fight this battle for you! We (I'm saying we because you are not alone) may feel like the victims now, but victory is ours! I hope you feel better. Please take care & keep in touch with us!
I hear you. firstname.lastname@example.org if u wanna chat more. I feel the same way at many times. I'm 27 and have been advised not to have children. I just graduated college and was all set to study for medical school ( if anyone has found that possible on opiates, I congratulate you). I used to be so fit and skinny too. now I struggle to keep my weight at average. I loved dancing in the club. it's pointless to go in pain with a cane and yet worse to take my wheelchair. but I do have a small dog that I treasure and love, and I recommend one for the very sad. get a godmother for your puppy if you're in doubt, someone who can take the responsibility if the dog is too much.
I don't believe in god, and I forgave my bf who killed himself. but please, please ask for help before you do something irreversible. I still think to myself, "if only I had visited more, called more, emailed more" and even your mailman will be stuck thinking that if you don't at least reach out to your friends or call a free helpline. I've done it myself! also, try Prozac! if u hate it, try Paxil. I love Paxil, some hate it.