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Jul 09, 2016 11:57 PM

The 5 year anniversary of my mother's death is tomorrow (July 10th). We had a rocky relationship and although we loved each other deeply, things were very strained between us and I have a lot of guilt surrounding her final days. I have never been able to let go of the guilt and shame and forgive myself. I don't know if I ever will. I don't know how. Just spent the last hour crying my eyes out. I don't know why it's hitting me so much harder than I thought (and I knew it would be very difficult). Maybe a combination of the chronic pain and my period being late. This SUCKS. Just venting....thanks.

Jul 10, 2016 2:15 AM

Blue...vent all you need. I'm here as so many others. So many feel guilt after the loss of a loved one. You just got to put your best foot forward and don't be afraid to seek some.professional help if you need to. For some, that's what it takes. Hang in there and I'd like to know how you're doing in the morning, if thats alright. Love and hugs and try to remember some good times.

JudyLynn🌸

Jul 10, 2016 3:11 PM

I miss my mom every day. She passed in October. She often told me about her guilt over her mother and never got over it. I was going to not have that issue, but i think it is normal to feel like you could or should have done more before your mom passed. Cherish the good memories as much as you can. Hugs.

Jul 10, 2016 5:25 PM

Gentle hugs Blue... i miss my mum too... MIL (hubbys mum) my best friend... she was blind with advanced demetia... and she lived with us... inursed her until she did not know us anymore. I miss her... but i talk to her all the time... and im sure i can feel her sometimes... and i feel forgiveness. I hope u can find some peace angel x 🌹🌹🌹

Jul 10, 2016 5:47 PM

Blue, I am so sorry for your loss. I am up late (can't sleep due to my pain and I am currently out of my sleep meds) You can vent to me. I lost my step dad (who was more of a dad than my bio dad who died when I was 10) I still miss him every day. I wasn't a very good daughter to him until the end. The grieving process can take a long time, but therapy really helps. Stress is terrible for chronic pain. Ask for help. We are here for you. Continually remind yourself that you loved your mom the best way you could. Don't beat yourself up, pray for serenity, it helps. Gentle hugs and love and blessings! It will get better!

Jul 10, 2016 5:54 PM

Thank you all so, so much for your kindness. You will never know how much it means to me to be part of this loving community!!!! I am doing much better today.. Aunt Flo finally came to visit this morning, lol. I've been reflecting on the good memories of my mom and me, and it's helped quite a bit. Thanks again to all of you who responded with such sweet, caring words. ❤

Jul 10, 2016 8:45 PM

Hi Blu, I am here reading your post and understanding completely your pain & guilt. I believe women who can relate are legion. The younger ladies will suffer in their time,too.
I had to grieve the loss, the resentment, everything I had to give up to be her caregiver for a lifetime because she gave up & was lazy. Yes, it is an awful burden until you forgive her and then forgive yourself.
She has been gone now for 6 years, and I can finally say goodbye. I even had to of officiate at her burial that no one came to. I remembered her favorite hymns & one of mine that played on my cellphone.
You are in my heart, Blu. Take special care.

Jul 10, 2016 9:01 PM

While my Mom is still alive it is a very strained relationship to say the least. I have often wondered how I will feel after she is gone. My heart is very torn with guilt and frustration. Everytime I try to let her back in I feel like I just get hurt again. There does not seem to be any safe middle ground. My heart goes out to you. A friend suggested I read this book about how when we are exposed to traumatic things as a child we tend to have many health issues later in life. I have been reading the book not sure how I feel about it so far, that is the truth. I do believe there are connections. https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/06/20/the-body-keeps-the-score-van-der-kolk/

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