My husband who I love dearly makes statements like (your always hurting, get up and get moving, you just need to walk, I hurt all the time and I don't whine about it), crap like that. I get so mad because he just doesn't understand.
You know BSS I have discovered that love ones that say these things when we are in pain often are heavily dependent on our help, and because we are no longer able to do things for them because of the pain they become Selfish. I always tell my husband and 30 year old son if they help out more maybe I wouldn’t be put in so many painful situations. I explained how it was a chain affect,
This is the same for my parents and sometimes my friends. My parents always end up shouting at me saying that I’m just lazy when I can hardly stand up or sit down. Some of my friends understand but I have had 2 in particular who say “maybe it’s just in your head have you ever thought about that” / when I came out of the toilet cubicle crying from my pain one just walked away. So I also feel the same way that no one understands and then I have no one to talk to about this.
Oh I forgot to mention my neck down to my hip hurts constantly due to A number of Spinal Problems, I never complain, I still work a little, but My Family still thinks I should climb stairs to prepare meals, do their laundry and pick up behind them but after all of that I climb into bed crying under the covers , and all they do is selfishly try to think what else I could do for them , so I decided to put a Chore Chart up. That’s when they realize hey maybe Mom/ wife gets extra pain and stress because we are not doing our part. They are 2 GROWN Healthy men and here I was a woman with a back crumbling like a Wet Saltine. So I understand how irritating it is to have people that do not understand
The thing that has helped me most with those comments is trying educate my friends and family about my conditions. A lot of times people react that way bc they don't know what else to say, and may feel helpless when it comes to being able to comfort us. Not everyone understands that when those of us with chronic or invisible illnesses say we feel like we got hit by a bus, realize that we actually MEAN that we feel like we got hit by a bus!😂 If a person hasn't experienced true chronic, debilitating pain, it can be hard for them to completely understand where you are coming from. It's absolutely ok for you to let them know that it hurts your feelings when they make comments like that as well! Try looking up information about your illness and ask them to read it to be able to better understand where you are coming from.❤
There will always be those who judge is for the amount of pain we are in. It's simply because they can't comprehend what we go through; they've never experienced daily unrelenting chronic pain that at times is so debilitating we find it hard to function. Hugs love & prayers from one who does understand! 🙂❤🙏🌼
It is literally an oxymoron to most people, when they see us we look ok, we are standing upright, getting stuff done (before we crash & burn) and yet what we are describing to them is of someone who should be on a constant IV drip of pain meds. They don’t realize that we grind our teeth and clench our fists, pushing one foot in front of the other trying desperately not to crumble to the floor in a sobbing mess.