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Normally I try to be upbeat, but today I want to rant.

Oct 18, 2015 1:39 PM

My; health has been feeling good for a long peiod of time. I switched from one pain mediication to another and it was going well. Then I started talking cymbalta which made the biggest difference with my life. It has only been three months and things are not working the past couple weeks.

I was dealing so well with life. I had this sense of peace in myself that no matter what form of pain came at me, I was able to handle it because the medicne was giving me it at a level that I can endure the pain. I have been explaining to people how cymbalta has helped me. Before I had it, I was so desperate. I was in severe pain every day. I would pray to God to give me fifteen minutes to half and hour of less dealable pain so it can refresh me to deal with pain for the next two days. I would tell him I need my mind and that is what I need. He alwsys came through for me. But when cymbalta came along, that was a God send. It would give me several hours of less pain and I would sleep so much better. But at this moment, it has gone away and I have been overcome with complete sadness. I am not normally like this. I was raised by a proud mexican. We work hard and my father taught us nothing takes us down. That is why my family feels that I have given up. I loved to work more than they did. I got more money and awards then they did. I would still love to work. They think I am content with my life and I have given up.

With this pain being back with a vengeance, I feel like the hope I had was murdered. I feel hopeless. The pain is so bad. I know it is not cool to be a man and cry. That is at least the stereotype. But I think it is o.k. But I have wanted to lately. My body aches all over like I have the real influenza, I have been getting chills than hot, I get a rash, I am anemic a year without the known cause. The worse part is I am so tired and exhausted. I am not lazy. I try to keep my mind busy through the day. But I find myself falling asleep for two hours at a time at least three or four hours at a time. I get up for a couple of hours and then the hurt comes on so bad that I get in a fetal position and try to warm my body up and hope I am not dying because a part of me feels like I am. It is not anxiety because I don't worry of death. But the pain and body aches ache my heart at the same

I told my doctors. They told me that I am a complicated case. I explained I had new symptoms that they should check into. But they want to treat the symptom instead of look for a cause. I explained if I wanted a bandaid, I could have gone to walmart, or some guy on the street selling drugs. But I was looking for answers.

So today is too much for me. I think this week is too much for me. I hate to put a post ouf there like this. I feel like I am dragging the rest of you down to the gutter with me. I just feel like I lost part of my hope. But I know it is not that simple.My God will be there for me. It might be a more difficultt test but he will help. But then again, This can pass and everything will go back to normal Sorry guys. I have no one else to talk to but you all about this when I am sad. No one would understand except you all. Take care guys. Thanks for being such a good group. I have really enjoyed it here.

Oct 18, 2015 1:44 PM

fall asleep two hours three or four times a day is what I meant to write

Oct 18, 2015 2:53 PM

profiler I felt my marriage failed because I was flawed, he saw pain and exhaustion as complacency which I am doing all I can to recover from. I know now that it's not my fault but my body can't seem to catch up. Sometimes it is more unbearable than the actual pain because we are not lazy people by nature. I would dearly love to work again, to feel useful. I imagine it is so much more devastating for you as a man. I feel your intense pain, the thoughts and fears about dying. I can only say that your honesty brings comfort to someone like me. I feel foolish bellyaching about being alone but pain is a lonely experience and nothing soothes more than people like yourself who unfortunately have come to know such deep pain and loss. Your spirit shines through like a beacon of light, profiler. Your thoughtful comments pop up from time to time, you remind me of a hidden hero, I can't think how to say it like I mean but hope you understand. The more complex the more isolating it feels, everything starts to seem vague and unmanageable. Maybe we have to let ourselves feel needy and human. I wish I could offer more comfort for your soul. On days when you feel like it's too much, we need to carry one another. I haven't had this is my life so it feels strange and embarrassing. I think we are forging new territory profiler and it takes a different kind of courage that no one sees. I see it in you. Your tears make you more of a man in my eyes. Maybe if you give the cymbalta a few months you can restart again and it will be effective. I hope you find more comfort and rest today profilerπŸ™βœ¨

Oct 18, 2015 6:47 PM

Thanks marsemouse, I needed some words of encouragement and your were just so kind. I didn't deserve half of them but thanks for. Saying them none the less. It is always nice when someone finds some value in us when we sometimes just can't see our own value. Maybe that is just a personal flaw but I would wager many people feel that way.. It is just one of the many things we as humans can do to help others. We can offer appraisals to those in need of them when they are down. When they don't feel strong, we can remind them that they are strong based on experience. Thanks for making me feel good today. It didn't make my aches go away but it made me a little stronger in handling things and it felt like it didn't hurt to the extreme amount it did. It still is bad But more dealable and for that, I truly and sincerely thank you.

Oct 18, 2015 11:02 PM

Profiler, I would bet that something is interacting with the Cymbalta. I am truly sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. Hang in there and give your doctor a call in the morning. By the way you are needed here and important to many of us. Guess that means you are stuck with us! Seriously I care. Call your doctor.

Oct 19, 2015 2:52 AM

Profiler please be careful with Cymbalta. It has a nasty habit of making people suicidal. I have been in the same mental space you are atm and although i can't seem to help myself i would hate to think that combined we can't be of help to you. I have a mum who is like your dad and the attitude they have is unhelpful and hurtful. If only they could experience what we go through in a hour let alone days or even years they couldn't handle it. We are all here for you. Pride has no place when it comes to pain as pain demands to be felt. Humble yourself to it but learn to work within it. I wish i could give you a big hug but sending you a virtual one through here. Xxxx

Oct 19, 2015 8:40 AM

Profiler, you have been really missed around here!! I think of you often and was wondering where you have been. You have helped me so many times that I have found myself quoting you (and giving you credit) for things that you have taught me. Never, ever fall into the stereotyping of men not crying.. There is no reason that you cannot cry. You are, after all, a human being. Emotions know no gender. Men are taught as young boys that they are supposed to be tough and carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and not complain. They are supposed to pretend they don't hurt physically or mentally and I say that's all bullshit!!! We ALL need to release things that make us feel badly whether through tears or words. It doesn't make you any less a man any more than it makes me any less a woman when I do it. I am happy that you got the respite you needed from the pain. I am terribly sorry that you are having the problem you are having now. Cymbalta is a very strange medication. When they put me on it, it didn't help my pain or my sleep at all. The doctor told me to continue using it and that it may take a couple of weeks. Well, it took a couple of weeks alright and sent me into a downward spiral and made me suicidal. I had to come off of it immediately. It has done that to many of us here in the group. I am worried about you. I know you are not giving up but I can hear in your post how very down you are. When you get some relief and then it goes away it is horribly distressing. Hang onto that faith in God. You are right, he will always stand beside you and help you get through to the other side. We all know that you have not given up. I know there are many times I wish that I could go back to work and do the job that I loved to do. I helped people, I was productive and active. Now, if I get out of the house a couple times a week it a lot. You were among the group of people who came to welcome me when I showed up here. It was you, Flappsy, Weezie, Eddieray and a couple of others. You made me feel at home and cared for. I feel safe and I feel needed here. I try to be here every day to check in on everyone (I call them my peeps) and see who needs to chat, who needs direction or who just needs a hug. Profiler, the best thing you said to your doctor was that you're not looking for a bandaide and if you were you'd go to Walmart.. LOL!! Not really funny but oh so true. If this doctor doesn't listen, please try to find another. You know your body and
If your having symptoms you're not comfortable with, you need to get it checked out. I am sending you {{{{Hugs}}}} my friend and also prayers that you find some balance and relief from this pain that you are in. Please take care of yourself and don't disappear for so long from us, it worries me. I need to know that the people I care about are here and hanging in. You ARE strong, you have not and will not give up and you really need to get your family back to understanding where you are at and that you are still the man you have always been. Your illness does not and never will define who you are. You, Profiler, are a decent, upstanding, caring and wonderful man. Your family is lucky to have you. I know how very much that you love them. So, please keep in touch and let us know how things are even when they are going good!! OH, before I forget, you didn't drag anyone down to the gutter.. Remember that we understand and are all here to help one another through the hard times and celebrate with you through the good times. God bless you, Profiler. πŸ’•πŸ™πŸ»πŸŒ»

Oct 19, 2015 11:06 AM

Seems I'm in a minority but I was on cymbalta for almost a year and didn't have trouble coming off. It had a paradoxical effect on pain and seemed to make it worse, but I had no awful withdrawal symptoms stopping and even trying again. I wanted to say this because if cymbalta is not adding to or causing some of the depression and you had a good result at one time, it doesn't necessarily mean you can't try again in the future. You and your doctor will be able to work on that. Hope you find alternatives and good support profilerπŸ’•βœ¨.

Oct 19, 2015 11:19 AM

Thanks, everyone so much! I really needed that encouragement. Thanks Alwayz, you mean the world to me. I don't know what I do without you? You always know just what to say. Most of the friends do, you just know to put the cherry on the top! Ha ha.

Oct 19, 2015 12:04 PM

When even our good days are still bad and then we have many of them in a row after an extremely long period of really bad days, when our good day stretch comes to an end it makes us feel so much worse. It is like we are briefly given hope only to have it stolen from us.

I took Cymbalta for only a few days multiple times. My first day was kind of like that. I could immediately feel improvement, but then the second day would come and the headache would start. By day three and four it would feel like I was going to die by my head exploding. Worst headaches ever. I kept trying but it was the same every time and I could not take it. Reading your post I am kind of glad I was unable to continue taking it, because I have a really hard time dealing when I get good days and then severe bad days. I wish we all could get some consistent improvement in our pain levels. No matter how strong we are we can only take so much. That does not make us less of a person and it absolutely does not make you less of a man. Please find another doctor who will listen to you. I am about to do the same. If they quit trying to find the root cause of our pain or ignore new symptoms, then they have qiven up on us. We cannot be come complacent in our own medical care just because they have. It is scary and frustrating starting over, but sometimes we have to. I am so sorry you are going through this right now. We can lean on each other here and make it through. I wish you the best, and at the very least, better. We are stronger than all the people in the world that have no pain, even if we feel weak. Keep fighting for yourself. Gentle hugs and strong prayers.

Oct 19, 2015 2:24 PM

Profiler I admire your ability to be honest and your awesome words of advice in other posts are awesome and kind and caring.

It sounds low the medicine. Sometimes SSRI's will react to your body this way. Please talk to someone about the Cymbalta. I, too, have a complicated case. I have been fired by a doctor at the University school because i was "too complicated".

From your words it really sounds like the Cymbalta. I have read your postings elsewhere and you even "sound" different. And it's not because you're ranting. And I absolutely think it's awesome that you try to be upbeat, I do too, although i have been here fussing about this & that instead of bringing happiness and joy to the table.

But you, Profiler are a strong man to admit that you feel this way that you are down and need help. It really takes a lot of strength to ask for help. And from what I can tell you are not alone in wanting to be able to continue doing what you used to. I know personally I wish i could still be a mechanic and when that didn't work because of my accident I devoted myself to university and was going to be an English literature college professor. I even got accepted into the masters program and that same summer I got hit with severe intersistial cystitis flare that lasted for 5 months.

Profiler, I am sorry that you are going through this. I don't have the best advice but I do know a little bit about the gambit of "complicated medical case". Have you been tested for thyroid hormones? They can fluctuate so sometimes you'll get a normal reading and others you won't.
Have you been tested for food intolerances? Is a blood test called the ALCAT and it changed my life. You can find doctors in your area who do it online if you Google ALCAT testing.

Those are the things that come to mind right away. But I do want you to know that you aren't alone in this. And I'm sorry that you're facing the criticism from the family. (here's one that i love, "oh you're so lucky your disabled, you get to lie around all day." Bwahahaa. Uh, no, I want to be out riding horses, studying to be a college professor, traveling the world (or at the very very least going to my baby cousins weddings. I've missed 3 family weddings in the last ten months and those are some of the most special people from my family and childhood. You think anyone is going to come to my wedding, if i ever have one? Haha. Sorry. That's me digression from the discussion....)


Anyway, from what I've been blessed to know about you, Profiler, you have a good heart and a good head on your shoulders and you're not afraid to share your thoughts on a subject and you do it so well. Please know that you are cared for and that you don't deserve to feel this way. Sometimes we complicated cases have to take our doctor by the hand and ask them /tell them /nicely command them to do these tests. And if they don't, and if you have the ability to find another doctor whom yoy can trust and will listen to you, go forth and find that doctor. My favorite doctor, who has been with me on this journey for 13 years, has had to be lead to do certain tests that i felt arw absolutely necessary. I had to pretty much harass him to do it . But he did. And of course i was kind about it but firm. In a way i think i garnered now respect from him after that. But dealing with doctors isn't easy. Especially when they sometimes want to throw their hands up and go "i don't know what to do with you".

Keep at it, Profiler. You got this.
Big hugs.

The end of novella ;)
sending lots of hope and sunshine your way especially if you made it through this entire post 😁 πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ˜†

Oct 20, 2015 12:23 PM

Profiler, This does not sound like you. I think it's the cymbalta causing you physical pain and emotional stress. I was put on Cymbalta and it was wonderful. For 6 months I had pain at a 1-2 level, for real!!! Then I began getting more and more pain over the next three months, along with depression and wishing is just die. The day I first saw my rheumy doc she asked if I'd had any suicidal thoughts. I told her no but I could care less if I died, if actually welcome it. She immediately turned to look at me and said, "The worsening pain and suicidal ideations or wishing to die is caused from the cymbalta. I any take you PFD cold turkey but we're weaning you of starting today.". I went through very bad withdrawals even with the tapering. I was then put back on my Pamelor for depression. Since being on the Plaquenil for sjogrens my fibro pain is also improved. Please research cymbalta on drugs.com. You'll see the side effects and dangers. Let your doctor know asap! I'm praying for you. You are a very dear friend we all depend upon. Your wisdom and kindness and laughter! (((Hugs))) & prayers! πŸ™πŸŒΌ

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