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Not understood

Sep 07, 2016 9:56 PM

I know many of us experience folks around us that do not seem to understand.

My last child moved out in July. We are empty Nestors now! We have been married 25 years, the last 3 have been difficult. Difficult because I am unable to manage my pain and symptoms. I had a horrible day today. Came home needing TLC from my husband, and was met with no compassion.
We have been together for a long time, you would think he knew me by now, and when I say I don't feel good, I could have some sympathy.
Just feeling alone. Not sure how to get him to really understand, not go through the motions.

Sep 07, 2016 11:26 PM

I am glad to meet you, Perseverance. This such a great community you have found. Very soon you will hear from people who will totally understand what you are going through. I am so sorry you did not get what you needed from your hubby. Mine was angry for a long time. Some folks here take their spouse with them to their doc appts. I hope you can rest & start over with him at another time. ๐Ÿ’–

Sep 08, 2016 2:09 AM

I think it's hard on our partners sometimes to know when to show sympathy and give some TLC. My husband tries to stay strong for me - we've been married 12 years I had renal failure 3 months into our marriage, then we had dialysis and a transplant - he's been great throughout - but the real test has been the phantom pain from my amputation - sometimes the pain does get too much and you need sympathy a cuddle and someone just to be there. I've learnt to say to him - I need you to just sit there hold and cuddle me, I also need you to understand I can't do anything about how I am at the moment I need you to take care of me.
Sending you a virtual hug!!!

Sep 08, 2016 4:37 AM

Hello sweetheart ๐Ÿค—

I totally understand angel ๐Ÿ˜™
Sending u gentle hugs... ๐Ÿค—and a shoulder to lean on ๐Ÿ˜š u r not alone hunni ๐Ÿค—... sending u good karma for u both๐Ÿ˜™

We have been married 17years...๐Ÿ˜„ and we have 4 children...๐Ÿค— all grown... Communication and Information๐Ÿซ are key... try writing a diary ๐Ÿ“–of how u r feeling each day... ๐Ÿค”and then show him and discuss ur findings together. ๐Ÿค—U could make ur own pain scale๐Ÿซ and use it to show ๐Ÿ˜“how daily life effects ur pain thruout the day.๐Ÿ˜€ Do some research on 'spoon theory'... it might ring frue for u...๐Ÿ˜š and may help communication skills ๐Ÿ˜‰between you both ๐Ÿค—

Wishing u success sweetie ๐Ÿค— im sure it will all be ok in the end ๐ŸŒน

Sep 08, 2016 8:09 AM

Welcome, Perseverance. It's nice to meet you. ๐Ÿ˜Šhave you had the opportunity to sit down and have a serious discussion? ๐Ÿ˜œ Maybe during a quiet meal, you can have a calm convo about what is happening and what some of your needs are. ๐Ÿ‘Œ I hope you can get some relief. {{{Hugs}}} ๐Ÿ˜‚

Sep 08, 2016 1:44 PM

You have my thoughts and prayers. That never gets easy. I agree you think someone knows you well enough. And yet things never seems to change with them.

Sep 08, 2016 9:21 PM

Thanks to all of you, great advice.

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