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on a waiting list and scared

Sep 26, 2014 9:56 PM

Hi, first post here. I have a tumor on my T3 which the docs are planning surgery on. I only found out about the surgery yesterday. It will require breaking a couple of my ribs and deflating my lungs to make room in my chest cavity so they can get to the tumor to remove it. I have had major surgeries before but for some reason I'm scared this time. I can't really talk about this at home because I don't want to worry mum any more than she is. I guess I don't have a question, just needed to tell "someone" that I'm scared... and I'm not used to it and don't like it...

Sep 26, 2014 10:27 PM

I'm so sorry. I can understand your fears and my deepest sympathy goes to you. Hope you find relief and all goes well. Best wishes.....

Sep 27, 2014 2:40 AM

are you seeing a therapist/counselor? it helps me to be able to unload on someone who doesn't love me. just a thought. I know your surgery will go fine. keep us updated!

Sep 27, 2014 7:10 AM

Thanks Cspinelli :-) Yes lbravo I am seeing a shrink, but next appointment isn't until october. Will mention to her though :-)

Sep 27, 2014 7:32 AM

I'll definitely keep you in my prayers. Hope your surgery goes fine and ypu recover quick from it. My mom had an open heart surgery where they had to break her ribs to get through. Shes doing perfectly fine today. I know its not the same as your surgery but just believe in yourelf and you'll be able to fight through this. It'll take time but nothing can defeat you until you let it defeat you (mentally). Be strong hun. You'll come out of this and be fine soon.

Sep 27, 2014 7:47 PM

wow darling that is a lot...no wonder you are worried and scared. you can not do this alone I'm sure you have many who love you and want to be there for you...I was like you once, stronger and braver and I could handle anything. I stressed my whole being into this pain filled body and I have had to allow others to be the old me for me...all these years my being stronger than everyone else, made me lonely and I excluded others the privilege of showing me their love, because it could handle everything...let you Mum know...your her baby she worries about you anyway so let her focus on the real problem not the unknown ones that trust me as a mother I know how awful the imagined ones are. let her love you and pray for you...don't be afraid to open your heart for the love from your friends and family.....please don't go this alone... praying for your health and happiness and sending you hugs and love to help you heal please let their love lift you into a place of comfort

Sep 27, 2014 10:14 PM

avrussel12 great advise, we do tend to hold it all in. I feel sometimes like I'm a bother. It's true that sometimes it's better to let people in. It's not always easy though.......

Sep 28, 2014 7:18 AM

Cspinelli it is very hard, but I find it to be apart of my healing. my life has been full of heartache's that I couldn't feel. I had to just asorb the pain and be strong for everyone else....so now I believe my body is telling me it can't take anymore. I was in a downward spiral, then three weeks ago, I went to see a physical therapist who works with the Fybro Boby she said it's not like everyone else. She said my central nervous system was overloaded. she said I needed to remove people and things that stress me. she said I had to stop everything. we needed to calm the system before we can build the muscles back up. all I have been aloud to do is get up, brush my hair, brush my teeth, take a shower, get in the pool and just sit (no exercise ) just sit in the water, meditate, I could do light things around the house, but no vacuum, no laundry, no gardening, nothing that would have me bending or reaching. it's been very hard, but the pain and fog is reduceing. I go back next week to see if we can add any exercise into the mix...she said it could take 3 months just to calm the system. then she said we will find the right exersice for my Fibro Body. She said it will be hard but she thinks I will be able to function again. she said it would take about a year. now I just have allowed my friends and family to do for me as I have for them. this journey is one I can not take alone.

Sep 28, 2014 12:59 PM

Wow! Sounds so familiar.....it's scary. My fibro is from emotional trauma. My life has been one trauma after another, so many hurts from those I love. I had a psychologists tell me that when you have a stressful thought you have 30 seconds to respond or react.....You have to decide in that 30 seconds I'm ok with this, otherwise you have 28 toxic chemicals that go through your body for six hours. Mine had those chemicals constantly and they damaged my central nervous system. I now like you think about what really stresses me and if it's really worth it. It is very hard when it comes to my family. I too now have to ask for help. Unfortunately I have to work and my job is very physical my body doesn't get a break and lately it's telling me it's done!!!

Sep 28, 2014 6:37 PM

yes, I guess we have been walking down the same road. I think we need a new map. my husband is very understanding, and I think he rescued me from my family, almost 35 years ago. his job moved us 900 miles away and I joke, that, its how I can get along with my family. the truth is, I can not handle the day to day drama of living close to my family. it's not that I don't love them I just need the peace I have away from them. my childhood was ruff and I remember everything from age two on.... I also needed to work, but my mind, body, and spirit broke down. it's been hard this last year without my paycheck, but we are making it. it's heartbreaking when my sister is in need and I can't help. and my daughter the princess...and the bills and how to get them paid is stressful, but I just couldn't do it any longer. I'm very lucky to have my sole mate with me. my friends who are like family, and some family who would travel the 900 miles to be there for me. I have found that the floating in the pool seems to take most of the presser off my body and while I'm floating I'm close to pain free. that was instructions from my PT. maybe that would help you too. my husband has been reading the books my LMT suggested. they are about the methods she is using to help me. it's hard for me to read like many other simple things it takes a lot to do it. so he read a chapter a night so I can try to understand it. even with him reading it hard, but we talk about it and that helps a lot. I hope that you can find a way to help your body get some relief.

Sep 28, 2014 7:51 PM

Wow, reading your further responses has surprised and touched me. Thank you all! Your journies sound SO familiar! I suspected the pain etc I have been suffering from was triggered from many many years of stress and traumas piling up, reading what you guys have said I am now sure of it. Avrussel12 - thank you. I am still trying to work out how to tell mum about my fears, maybe will work with my therapist about how to do that. :-)

Sep 28, 2014 8:58 PM

ashlong 16, our texting has helped me as well. it helps to talk to people who understand what you are experiencing. I think it's a great idea to talk to your therapist your Mum will want to know. sending you loving peaceful energy to help you get through this trying time. please keep in touch

Sep 28, 2014 9:47 PM

most touching conversation I have had. I'm sad we all are suffering, but glad to have people who understand. you have no idea. I used to be the rock in my family, everyone is now so confused. No one understands the brain fog. I used to do a kickboxing class and other workouts that most couldn't do! As I write this my fingers hurt!!!......it's hard for me to even type! thank you so much, sadly I would say more

Oct 02, 2014 10:48 PM

sorry you are going threw this...will say a prayer for you

Oct 03, 2014 6:08 AM

you'll remain in my prayers! I hope you have a successful surgery & a lightning fast recovery!!! I'm confident all will be fine!!! please keep us posted!!

Oct 03, 2014 9:10 AM

hope your doing ok?!

Oct 03, 2014 10:50 AM

Thank you folks :-) spoke to one of my surgeons today, apparently the other surgeon who is also needed has some delays before he will also be free... so still waiting unfortunately. On the plus side I have wrangled an earlier appointment with my shrink so now I will see her Monday, hopefully she can help me work out how to let mum know how stressed/scared I am without stressing her out. I think mum has gotten a good idea though because I have started having collapses. Here's hoping this doesn't stress mum too much more than she is.... that's my biggest worry I think....

Oct 03, 2014 4:21 PM

Maybe show your mom this site? Praying for you!!!! You can do it! I'm cheering for you! :-)

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