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Pain and depression

Jul 20, 2016 11:03 AM

How can i live like this? I think about dying every day now. Ive thought that I can't kill myself becaise my kids would be devastated. Then i think the older 2 would be ok so i have to somehow find a way to live until my 15 year old graduates.

My pain management closed and ive been trying to find a dr that cares. I went to 1 jerk who weaned me off my patch and put me on oxy 40mg 2 times a day plus 10mg 3xday for breakthrough. 3 months later i went to a new doc who promised to help. She put me back on fent. Patch but at 25mcg instead of the 50mcg ive been on for over a year
I had a caudal injection yesterday. So far no help. I wake at noght in horrible pain.

Ive had severe depression and anxiety for 25 years and have tried every kind of med. Still here i am
Cannot go to the grocery store or my sons basketball games without tremendous anxiety.

This isnt what life is supposed to be like.

Please, please i need some help. Noone understands the pain im in. My husband doesnt ask me if i need anything or how i am. Its like hes immune to the depression amd pain. I feel so alone.

Jul 20, 2016 11:37 AM

It is never Ok to loose a parent to suicide at any age. It will still tramatize, no matter the age and survivors guilt will always happen.
Besides doctors and medications what have you tried? I find that medical doctors are not good with chronic conditions, they can't fix it and that scares them.
Do you see someone for your depression and anxiety? To talk to? Because it really sounds like you need to talk to a professional, some will do sessions over the phone if going out is too much.
What is your pain diagnosis? If you are ok with sharing. I have fibromyalgia and multiple chemical sensitivity, so far. Neither can be fixed, only mostly managed.
Exercise, which can be painful and no one wants to do, actually helps a lot. It helps with the emotional aspect and it increases strength which will help physically in the long run. Getting out in nature will help emotionally too. Raised gardens are great for distraction and if you plant vegetables you get cheaper better tasting produce. And keeping it alive is an accomplishment.
Diet change has helped me a lot. I recommend an elimination diet to see if you feel better either physically or emotionally because food intolerances can actually manifest as depression. Also take a look at your nutrient intake. Both pain and depression can be made worse by lacking certain things, digestive issues and mal absorption make that worse. I take magnesium malate, fish oils, vitamin d, potassium and a few others but please consult a doctor before starting any supplements.
Distraction is necessary. What do you do for fun? Do you have a favorite type of movies or tv shows or music? Do you color? I build and take apart lego sets. It keeps me focused on that and not my pain. I also couldn't live without music.
Relaxation techniques. I suck at these but once mastered I'm promised that they will help. And in theory i totally understand it, the doing part is hard though. Being in pain (emotional and physical) sucks and the body automatically tenses to try to guard against it as if it's an external threat. This is a subconscious reaction that we must stop because it only increases the physical pain. So there are breathing techniques, meditation and all sorts of stuff you can do for this. I'm just starting to be aware of my body tensing up on me, and I'm now staying to catch it before the severe tension headache starts. Yay! baby steps.
I'll stop there because that's probably overwhelming enough. But there are also other alternatives like massage, acupuncture, essential oils and stuff. No cures but treatments to make life managable. Because that's the goal, to minimize pain to a tolerable level when possible. Weather changes i can't do anything about so there is 'emergency' care things too like tens machines and hot epsom salt baths. Everyone is different and what helps one person might not help the next but there is always something that will help. You just have to experiment and find it. And don't give up. If something only helps 2% don't give up on it because it doesn't work. That 2% plus the next 2% and so on can add up to life being good again. And things take time. It took me a year to tolerate massage without getting worse after but now i don't hurt so bad after and if I don't go i won't be mobile.
Baby steps

Jul 20, 2016 12:34 PM

Susieq718, suicide is devastating to everyone affected, no matter how old or how young they are. I speak from experience, in myself & my hubby lost cousins to suicide. And last year our good friend and neighbor committed suicide. The guilt of "what did/didn't I do to cause this", or "didn't they love me enough," or "why didn't I see warning signs to prevent this" haunts the survivors the rest of their lives.

A professional counselor is very important in dealing with both depression & anxiety, which I've fought with since 1988. Unknown to me until a few years ago, I have gene defects that cause my body not to absorb or metabolize B9 & other B vitamins, as well as benzodiazepine meds. My psych doc explained this is important in knowing how and what to use to treat & manage my depression & anxiety. At one point I could not leave my house. Being able to talk to a professional can also help open up new thought processes and ideas. I'd been off meds from 1997-2000, then again 2003-2014. I had to try multiple meds to find what works best for me. Cymbalta, although it at first worked wonderfully, started giving me suicidal ideas and increased pain. I'm now on a very old school med that works well for me. The fact you are having severe depression with anxiety is going to increase your pain. Please call your doctor and schedule an appt with a psych doc. It truly will help you. In the meantime we are here for you! Hugs love & prayers as you find better ways to manage the pain & depression/anxiety! 🙂💕🙏🌸

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