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Pain free and confused

Sep 06, 2017 12:24 PM

I've been pain free for almost two weeks, and for some reason this has caused my depression to resurface, I don't know how to cope, my fiancΓ© is wonderful and tries to help and support me. However I struggle to express how I feel to him, I don't know how to tell him that him helping me when I needed it made me feel useless, I don't know how to tell him I just feel depressed. I put on a smile and laugh when I'm with him because I'm afraid to hurt him. He's admitted before that me being depressed makes him feel worthless, this puts me in an awkward and horrible situation as I'm then left with no choice but to hide my feelings. My work aren't helping much, they keep just giving me more and more hours to a point I'm physically exhausted, I get so tired I can't actually sleep. Last night I managed 4 hours sleep, the 3 nights before I didn't sleep and the night before that I slept for an hour. I lay awake and stare and the ceiling, or I go outside and play with my puppy, I do anything to make myself more tired, but I can't sleep. I feel like I'm stuck in a hole, there's a rope I can see yet I can't reach. I'm so confused about everything, as I'm feeling stupid writing this post because I'd rather talk to people I don't know than to my fiancΓ©, my family or people I'm 'close' to. Somebody please help, I'm getting close to giving up and I'm scared.

Sep 06, 2017 12:34 PM

I'm sorry you're going through that. I think the thing to do us be honest with him. Sit him down and tell him how you feel also listen to what he says to. Tell him you aren't telling hum to make him feel bad you just want to be honest. Hope this helps.

Sep 06, 2017 12:47 PM

Hmm, I guess it'd be better to tell him to truth, just I'm scared it'll make things strained between us

Sep 06, 2017 1:06 PM

That's the way relationships are honey. But I had agree with animal. Honesty is always the best. Relationships go through strained times and beautiful times but honesty is always the best.

Sep 06, 2017 10:10 PM

I've gotten really depressed a couple times when I have a few weeks pain free. I thought it was insane when it first happened, shouldn't I be happier when I feel good? I think it is because I start to feel like I should be able to have my old active life back and I can't, so I mentally beat myself up. I had to explain it to my new Husband (we're 2 months away from our one year anniversary.) It was hard, he always wants me to be happy and when I am not he feels helpless and talking about it often turns into us both crying which he doesn't like. But when I did push past his jokes and discomfort and trying to change the subject we were able to have some really good talks and cuddle whole crying together. Some things that helped me were to prepare a list of things I could ask him to do, they wouldn't fix me but they would help. I told him his hugs and cuddling helped, I told him giving me space to cry sometimes without trying to chear me up immediately would help. I told him making sure I ate enough healthy food and not just 500 calories of junk a day would help. I told him that I was super greatful he never made me feel guilty for not being able to work much or make much money. Because I showed him all the ways he WAS helping it made him feel less like a failure. I told him I am broken, and somethings can't be fixed, but it means the world that he stays and loves me anyway. I can't say that any of that will work for you, but I know I was less happy hiding my feelings than I was having the scary and intense conversations. And talking to strangers who get it is important too, sometimes you need a perspective family can't give. Sorry for the super long post. It was really helpful for me to hear that someone else gets depressed when they feel good, because I feel super crazy when it happens. Good luck! And cyber hugs!

Sep 07, 2017 12:06 AM

Please dont ever feel.stupid for posting whats on your heart. That's one reason we are here, because when the world cant possibly understand - we are living it with you. ((((Gentle hugs)))). In many cases, having a group or a secondary person to share your struggle with can literally save marriages, friendships, families from being ripped apart.

Sep 07, 2017 6:29 AM

That is sooo awesome! It is such a good thing to start out a new marriage with total and complete honesty. It may be hard at the time but it builds respect and character and strengthens your marriage. It's a lot harder to try to undo bad habits than it is to start with good ones. Way to go masking! Your love and marriage will grow and strengthen from it!πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

Sep 09, 2017 4:09 PM

I spoke with my fiancΓ©, and now he won't talk to me so now everything just seems worse, he walks away when I try to talk to him, he ignores me when he's beside me. The only thing that's remained the same is sleeping in the same bed, but he lays away from me and pushes me away when I try to cuddle/hug him

Sep 09, 2017 4:51 PM

I'm sorry it didn't go well, he doesn't sound very mature or supportive. I hope he grows up and learns that life is not always rosy and sometimes you have to stick it out through hard times.

Sep 09, 2017 6:14 PM

Hmm I think it'll be alright soon enough

Sep 10, 2017 7:31 AM

I think he'll be ok. When it really sinks in that you were just trying to be honest and visit he'll probably settle down. Good communication in relationships is hard but to get off on the right track even before you're married is worth the "pouting." πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

Sep 10, 2017 8:00 AM

We have a friend that says "I'd rather have you be mad at me for being honest with you than to like me for being dishonest. ". Makes sense. πŸ‘

Sep 10, 2017 10:18 AM

Hey sweetie. You're not alone . Sometimes it is easier to run your feelings by strangers first . I think maybe to get ideas on how to approach love ones in a loving way. You got this girl. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€— I think he would understand honesty 😊😊😊😊

Sep 10, 2017 10:21 AM

I guess I should of read above first. 😒 He will be okay. Just give him time . I know the pain of feeling like nothing will be okay. But you two will be okay . πŸ€—πŸ€— pm anytime

Sep 10, 2017 9:32 PM

I spoke with him today and he apologised, he said he didn't mean to make me feel worse, I explained I didn't want to upset him by still being depressed, and he said he understands just it makes him feel like he can't help. I told him that he does help, just until I figure out why my depression is around it'll stick for a while, the convo kept going in circles but we eventually got there. Thank you for your advice and support guys, I appreciate it <3

Sep 10, 2017 9:35 PM

Ah I'm so glad you managed to have a good chat ❀️

Sep 10, 2017 9:36 PM

@Abii.😊 I am so happy it all worked out for you two. πŸ€—πŸ€— He sounds like a keeper 😊😊

Sep 10, 2017 11:03 PM

So glad you got to have a good talk. Hope things keep going for the better. πŸ’—

Sep 10, 2017 11:42 PM

On the depression part. My guess is that deep down you get a taste of pain free life, a little of normal life, and you are anticipating the loss that may come when the pain comes back into your days. It is just as hard to have a relatively pain free day as it is to have one full of pain. It is a part of mourning your old life. Part of your brain wants to do a happy dance but the fear of tomorrow won't let you. It is something each does that have chronic pain, to some level or degree.

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