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Pain is on Fire

Aug 20, 2015 12:22 AM

After hibernating for awhile to try to avoid pain, depression's really idiotic suggestions, and a sinus/throat infection which included laryngitis and horrible fever dreams, I finally had to get it together today and leave the house for another job interview.
So of course I woke up at 4 am vomiting from pelvic pain at level 9 on the scale. Went back to bed with my heating pad and managed an hour of drifting in and out of sleep then I had to start getting ready. Easier said than done when you can't really stand up straight from pain. Thankfully boyfriend brought me some breakfast in bed, and my makeup.
Did most of my makeup but my hands were too shaky for eyeliner so boyfriend did that as well. Then the hardest part. PANTYHOSE. Or evil incarnate. Thankfully it was nice and cool this morning so I didn't mind the idea of another layer, just the logistics of putting myself into something that required body contortions. After the hose everything else was cake.
Brought my heating pad with me because I have an outlet in my car. Could barely walk from parking to interview but made it. Walking back to car was far worse because my meds had worn off, but again I somehow made it. So thankful I made it to and through my interview while in so much pain but now my body refuses to wind down. I'm still in excruciating pain even after 60 mg of morphine. But it's extended release so it doesn't work all at once. Best part of the day was getting to buy a bag of peaches, a bag of nectarines, and a bag of plums for $12 from a farm stand. We have tons of fresh fruit now! Think I'll have a piece of fruit and a relaxing aromatherapy and Epsom salt soak. I need something for this painsomnia.

Aug 20, 2015 1:24 AM

OMG, what an absolute nightmare. And especially to have to get up in that condition and get ready for a job interview. I hope that part went well and that when you got home, you ate your fresh fruit and then were able to get some relief for your pain and that you were able to sleep. I will keep you in my prayers that something or someone is able to help you get come much needed reprieve from the pain you are suffering. All the very best to you.

Aug 20, 2015 3:48 AM

Wynbliss36 sorry that u have so much pain. Luckily my pelvis does not get effected but my legs do all the time including thighs. I understand not being able to stand/walk so sympathise. Good on u fighting thro an interview! U are allowed to use crutches surely to take weight off pelvis. I use then and wheelchair. Even use trio walker to get round house, don't feel too proud to use equipment to aid your life x

Aug 20, 2015 10:03 AM

Wynnbliss, I so wish you could get better relief and sleep quality. I understand the pantyhose because they put me in compression stockings (30). And its like fighting someone to get them on, I have to lay back on the bed with my knees bent & feet in the air to work them up my legs. Thank goodness they aren't above the knees! I hope the interview went well and you'll soon be employed. Take it easy the rest of today. (((Hugs))) & prayers said for you. 🙏🌼

Aug 20, 2015 10:12 AM

Took that long bath, which helped some. Managed to get some sleep which helped more. Pain is down to a 7 now which after yesterday feels like such a relief I'll take it. Wish I could still stay in bed resting and breathing/doing home care stuff, but I was reminded by my union rep I have a grievance hearing to attend about the harassment, discrimination, and general lawbreaking the County has been doing with the way they have treated me and my health/disabilities.
I really don't have the energy for this hearing either physically or emotionally. I hate going and being told I neglected my duty, abandoned my coworkers, and am generally the worst and most awful employee ever. I know my coworkers do not feel this way about me. I know that I was a very productive worker and often did more work than full time staff that were never sick, and I was just part time staff and only missed one day a month on average for a migraine. I just don't have the strength in me right now to block out the hurtful, and hateful lies and accusations that I am less than useless.
But here I go. I will fight through today's physical pain to get up and dressed to go have HR layer on a fresh layer of emotional hurt. I'm already tearing up just thinking of going.

Aug 20, 2015 10:43 AM

I'm praying for you. I'm going to think positive results will come from this. 🙏🌼

Aug 20, 2015 12:07 PM

So happy and thankful I am blessed with the best union rep ever. She found a way to basically skip over this step in the hearing process and get this grievance straight to mediation and combined with another of my grievances that is for basically the same thing. So I showed up this morning she spoke to library and County HR reps who were super thrown off and kept saying things like "but we've always done it this way" and "I'm not sure I understand, we would save time?" They finally agreed and I didn't have to hear a single argument or negative comment about me! And it was over in around 20 minutes. Next stop, my bed or couch. Although I do have to practice violin because I'm starting to teach on Saturday and I'm terrified. Worried my shoulder pain will make playing too difficult. It's been awhile since I've played because it's so physical. We'll see I guess. I need the money, hope I'm not in over my head. 15 years of formal violin instruction since the age of 5 and performing in countless ensembles should count for something right? Just afraid I won't measure up.

Aug 20, 2015 12:35 PM

Oh Wynn you've really been through the mill. So sorry that your pain levels have been so high. Truly hope the interview went well and the violin lesson goes well for you.
It sucks that we're put in such temereous positions that we are forced to fight, just so we're not seen as pointless wastes of space! That we have to carry on in such high levels of pain is beyond ridiculous. We supposedly live in civilised society. How civil can it possibly be if this is the way the disabled are treated? Humanity has a lot to learn about compassion.
Soft hugs for you and hope the pain is giving you an easier time of it right now.
P.

Aug 20, 2015 5:38 PM

Wynnbliss, I'm so glad the meeting was much less stressful, I prayed it would be. And I'm praying the results will be positive for you. I'm jealous you can play the violin! I asked for piano lessons but because my sister wouldn't stick with it I was told no. I love music, and gave guitar lessons to one child and piano to the other; she went on to marching band. I'm sure you will do well with the lessons, but pace yourself. You may need to figure in some rest time on the clock with your students. I think it's wonderful you can pass on such talent. 🙏🌼

Aug 20, 2015 11:20 PM

Flappyslady my boyfriend is very jealous of my musical upbringing. I play violin, piano (because it is required of all music majors and I went to music school for 3 years of college before deciding it was not healthy for me physically, mentally, or emotionally and got my creative writing degree instead and then my masters in library science), some cello, and I sing. He was refused lessons as they were "too expensive" and he ended up teaching himself guitar in his teens. He's actually playing around with my mandolin right now. I can kind of play the mandolin because it is tuned the same as a violin, but the frets throw me off a bit. My boyfriend gets annoyed because I had so much musical training I sort of burnt out. It also put a lot of stress on my body too. I LOVE music and it has a deep place in my heart and I can't imagine my life without it. And I always wanted to play an instrument. I wanted to start violin when I was 3, but my parents made me wait until I was 5 to be sure I was serious. I also had to promise I would play until I graduated high school. My sister made the same deal about piano but got out of it by switching to french horn. Thankfully I set my lessons at 30 minutes so I can manage that just fine I think since I won't be the one playing primarily. I will mostly be correcting posture, fingerings, bowings, etc...while my student plays.

Aug 21, 2015 11:01 AM

Wynn,
Sorry the interview was so hard on you. My family's trying to get jobs, and it's tough. I'm glad the hearing got shortened, just a little less stressful. My roommate is applying for jobs too.
Also, have you found any ways to make playing violin a little easier on your wrists? I know it wouldn't be proper position, but I am trying to pick up my Viola again, it's just scary when I think of how much it hurt, and just pushing through.
I hope you have a good time teaching, and good luck!

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