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please hear me

Nov 13, 2015 10:41 PM

Please don't try to "fix it" or diagnose me or give me advice. You don't really know me and I don't really know you. I just really need someone to hear me. I need to feel like I'm not in a dark room, all alone, screaming my lungs out while everybody goes about their normal day.

We had a fire in our house this week. The smoke detector went off at 4 am . We woke up groggy. My husband saw the red light under the door and told me to get dressed as fast as possible. The bathroom is right beside our bedroom and luckily an outside door is across from that. All I saw was the hallway filled with smoke and the brightest red flame for a second. My husband basically had to push me out the door bc I just froze. He told me to call 991 and I did everything mechanically. Somehow Eddie got me into my car and turned the heat on (the temp had dropped that night to like 45 F and it was raining) but I couldn't stop violently shaking.

That was on Tues. This week. Every night this week I have these horrible flashbacks and adrenaline hits me again. I know it's PTSD. I've had to drug myself with benedryl to sleep at all. I'm so tired and in so much pain. Ever since the fire I've been swollen and my spine feels like someone's been beating me with a baseball bat up and down. The whole thing just sucks. I mean, the house is ok and we're ok... but I'm not ok. To make it worse, at first everyone was like "tell us what to do and we'll do it" but when I told them what we needed (which mostly just company and help with clean up) suddenly all my "friends" disappeared. I'm even more upset by that bc if I had a friend who needed me, I would drop anything to go help them. No one can help me at night, though. Here I am, almost midnight. I was so tired when I laid down, then I heard something, opened my eyes and thought I saw red flames again. Its not there. There's no danger. But it's too late bc the adrenaline already hit me. Benedryl. Hope I sleep again someday...

Nov 13, 2015 11:14 PM

So sorry Kitty.

Nov 14, 2015 12:41 AM

Sorry Kitty, I hope you don't mind I share a story.
I lived in a neighborhood that was getting robbed often. One night I stayed up late. At the time I was married and I asked my husband to come home as I got a bad feeling that evening. Sure enough the robbers came that night. I heard them in my back yard. I saw them crouching down the embankment behind our house. I froze. I was shaking so bad I could barely call my husband. When I finally collected myself. I called my husband and told him. They were here. I was so scared but decided to scream to my neighbors beside me on both sides and across the street, "There are robbers behind my house." Thanks to God, one of my neighbors said, "we hear you." And help was a few seconds away. I was living in Malaysia. I couldn't call 911. After that' I had to have the lights on all night and I could barely sleep. I could see the theives in my imagination in that same spot every night. I had PTSD to the point we had to move within two months after the incident. I didn't have chronic pain at that time only depression. I pray you find solace in your home again soon. We are listening.

Nov 14, 2015 2:08 AM

No advice, not fixing it as requested.... just letting you know you are heard.

Nov 14, 2015 6:11 AM

Sending you prayers, gentle hugs, and comfort. God be with you and your family.

Nov 14, 2015 6:21 AM

Prayers for you Kitty... may you indeed find comfort, REST, and peace.

Nov 14, 2015 8:15 AM

Prayers said for you and here for you

Nov 14, 2015 11:49 AM

I heard what you said.

Nov 14, 2015 6:26 PM

((Hugs!)) We are listening 👂🏼

Nov 14, 2015 10:20 PM

I feel so bad for you. Its a horrible feeling. I always imagined that if we had a house fire that I would grab both kids and run out. Well, we had a house fire 2 years ago. my hubby was in the shower, (walked there in a daze) and I woke at 6am to the sound of the smoke detector through my ear plugs I wear. I went to the top of the stairs, smoke, went down, fire. Grabbed the extinguisher, didnt work. Grabbed the phone, called 911. Called my 14 yr old son to get the 6 yr old. Got hubby out of the shower... And I was the 1st one out of the house, even forgot about the dog. After, no friends helped. We got a nice long hotel stay. Life went on. I told myself it was a fluke accident and thankfully i could sleep. I do feel horrible about being first out of the house, but at least I did get things rolling. Try to relax... Chances are you will never have to live through that again. Find what will work for you to find the strength to move past it. Smile, you are alive yet another beautiful day.

Nov 14, 2015 11:29 PM

Kitty, I'm so sorry for your traumatic experience! Gentle hugs and prayers that you are getting enough sleep and not hurting too badly!

Nov 15, 2015 1:46 AM

I'm so sorry you had to go through that

Nov 15, 2015 9:53 AM

Kitty I am sorry that you had to go through that. Thank God no one was injued. Hopefully you will be able to sleep through the night again. Sending prayers and hugs.

Nov 15, 2015 10:17 AM

Sending Peace ✌ , Gentle Hugs 🙅, and Prayers 🙏 to you.
Oh, and sending you a few "extra spoons" in case you need them.

Nov 15, 2015 8:23 PM

Kittypain, I'm so sorry you weren't through this, and you're suffering stress afterwards. You're in my thoughts and prayers, with lots of gentle (((hugs)))! 🙏🌼

Nov 15, 2015 9:07 PM

You heard

Nov 16, 2015 12:31 AM

Kitty, you have been heard, I am praying for you.

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