Learn from patients with pain similar to yours

CatchMyPain Community and Pain Diary App to manage chronic illness

please help on this topic

Mar 09, 2018 10:42 PM

so i sit in tha house alot an dont work cause i an a heavy equipment operator an i caint hardly do it anymore due to pain. so i an gonna take online college classes an change up my career. ive been gettin purdy depressed sittin at home so much. i need go out a lil an feel like my self. ny husband is very controling an hates it when i go do anything while he at work. outside of grocary store or simple crap like that. i went shooting at tha range an he swore i was cheating. so what do i do now? hes got me cornered. i ask for him to take me to karoke sometime fer a lil while an he said ( hell no ) . i say then i go alone! he said if yu walk out tha door were done. an i did an he took off his ring. an said if imma leaving to go out then i should leave my ring. so i did. an i got as far as up tha road an turned roun went back home cause he make me feel guilty like a bad wife. but yet i cook an clean an take care if his every need even when he deserts my needs. so we got into arguement an i said i jus need go out sometime an feel alive. he said not my wife!! an i aint taking yu to karoke. (controlling as usual ). its hard havin fibro an feeling isolated. anyway. he said to me.. start contributing around here an maybe yu have more say so!!! OMG OMG! WHAT? im so depressed im down i mean downnnnnn!!!! he meant by this statement... bring in some money ( contributing ). ive been outta work for 6 months an i hate it. how an why would he say something so mean?? i dont know this man anymore. why do i deserve this kinda comment? i feel like he is lower than pond scum now. an i gotta stay cause i have no way out. 😥. i hate this i hate fibro! i hate whats its done to me as a person an my life. an i hate that i didnt know i was married to such a insensitive lil boy! an all this is to much! my mind is goin 1,000 miles a hour. an i have roadblocks everywhere! he dont deserve me. cause as much as i have pain i do alot in this house to contribute. including putting up wit this so called man!🤮

Mar 10, 2018 5:36 AM

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's enough to be in pain. Is there any family you could stay with just to get away for a while?

Mar 10, 2018 12:03 PM

My wife and I were there with the money thing a few years ago when the kids were in highschool. It was bad and it just heaps shit on an already difficult situation. Braking my back helped change that. Just saying...

Mar 10, 2018 12:55 PM

I dont wish for my husband to hurt himself to understand. but to b a human an understand an comfort.

Mar 10, 2018 9:16 PM

I am so sorry you are going through so much! Just know there are those out there that understand and care!

Mar 10, 2018 10:27 PM

thank ya’ll for yur comments🙃

Mar 10, 2018 11:39 PM

Two things come to mind based on your post: 1) He sounds controlling, which is a form of domestic abuse. There are resources for women who need to leave.
2) If you had some income you might not feel dependent on him. Have you tried filing for social security disability?

I’m only concluding about him being abusive by control and coercion based on what you mentioned above. I’m not trying to criticize or make conclusions. Just something to think about. You deserve someone who can be a least a bit understanding and often we stay in relationships because we feel we don’t have other choices. If you had some financial support or places to go for women who have left, you may feel more supported to stand up for yourself.

Seperately, and more related to your pain, I have my own issues and I can relate to what you say. I feel like have no life or goals. Online college sounds like a great idea for you! I decided recently that I’m going to keep a list of things I’d like to do, like go for specific walks, weed a specific part of the yard, etc that are free and easy for me to do on the days I feel ok, and then start to do them as I feel up for them. I did this when I had cancer and it helped me feel more like I had a purpose. With your husband being controlling, maybe try telling him how you’re feeling and ask him what kinds of things he could suggest for you that he’d be ok with. (I mean that genuinely...not being sarcastic). As long as you are with him, he is going to be that way so if you’re choosing to stay or don’t feel you have other options, give him the responsibility of coming up with things for you that he’s ok with. (I do think this is concerning behavior on his part, but I also recognize that you may not feel ok standing up to him or leaving.)

Ready to start relieving your pain?

Join Community