So I went to a concert the other night! First time going out in forever.. Low and behold... Nothing fits me so had nothing to wear... Normally I would cancel as the anxiety would set in but I pushed and pushed as these sort of country stars don't come to Australia often (his and Florida Georgia lines first time in Aus). So I put on my prettiest face and a dress that makes me look even bigger than I am but at least it was thin flowy and cool (was 36c at night)... I get there and by the time I get into the arena I'm broken...😢 half way through 😭😭bawling my eyes out as the pain was horrible😭😭 we leave the concert and it took me a good 45 minutes to get to the car with the stopping and resting (normally a 10 minute if that walk). So while my sisters are drinking and having a great time I couldn't shake the feeling and thoughts of "why am I even here" I guess I'm still coming to terms with it. I just needed to get home to my meds and as I was the only one sober I needed to wait until we were home. I cried and cried myself to sleep. I guess I'm still not ready to forget my old life. To add insult to injury I went and watched my sister fill in for my old netball team! Gosh I was sooooo jealous! I keep holding hope that one day I will get back there!
I feel horrible as I feel like I make everyone else have a bad time because I'm there adding a weight!